Emotional Roller Coaster

It sucks a lot actually.

I feel for you. With 5 kids church is hard even for rock solid TBM’s. I am glad that my faith crisis didn’t come until my kids were either gone from the house or at least in high school and didn’t pull for my time all of the time.

I can relate to how it really sucks (causes enormous emotional turmoil) to not be able to share with my wife. It leaves me feeling really alone.

I would say that it gets better over time. Try your best to relax. Try and do something for your emotionally to calm down.

azguy – It sounds like a very tough time and I’m sorry. If you want to say what the closet-cleaning triggered, maybe you’ll get some coping strategies. If you don’t want to say – and it’s fine if you don’t* – then just “be here” with us.

*just because we’re anonymous here doesn’t mean we need no boundaries

I’m finding not reacting to the %#$& that goes on around me is therapeutic lately. It puts you in control, provided no one is in a position to challenge you for it by asking a direct question…

Example. Today I picked up my son from school. I parked in this area that is well-trodden by students, and my wheel went a bit up on the grass. This bossy looking kid comes out of the school and says “Hey, you’re parking on the grass — and points to my front wheel”. I was probably on it about 6 inches and it was already trampled and not exactly pretty. I didn’t react. Just stared at him through the windshield. He walks closer, emphatically pointing to the grass saying “Hey, you are on the grass!!!!”. I looked him, making it clear that I had seen him, and probably heard him, but did nothing, All the while thinking “what a little punk you are, coming out and bossing around the adults about nothing!”. He says it again, and I look at him stoically. He finally turns his head, shrugs his shoulders, and shakes his head and walks away.

I didn’t move, I didn’t say anything, I didn’t have to say anything aggressive, and I didn’t have to feel anything other than being immoveable….and the problem went away. I felt very at peace.

I did the same thing a few weeks ago when I dropped missionaries off at their apartment. Lady didn’t like it that I scooted through a gated community gate on the tail of someone else without punching in a code. She probably thought me and the missionaries were going to solicit the neighborhood. She pulled up screaming at me through her glass and my own. She looked ridiculous!!! I ignored her. The missionaries said “hey, she’s talking to you”. I said “I don’t care, I don’t want to listen to her BS”. They laughed and we kept talking. I then pulled up further to get out of her way, and she followed me, stopped beside me and started berating me through the glass. I couldn’t hear a thing. Eventually, I moved up again, she followed, i stopped, and then backed into another area of the community, let the missionaries out, and we all hustled our own direction. She never followed. Ignoring her worked just fine.

Same with dealing with nasty personalities. I had a major triumph at work by simply ignoring the behavior of one of our managers, who has given herself a pretty bad reputation…I’ve ignored her emails, and other bad stuff she’s sent at me, while heightening my commitment to my job in ways that are meaningful, but not required. Won awards from the people above her…but I ignore her nasty comments to us all in email, give only minimal information when asked for it, keep convos only as long as they need to be, and never seek her out.

Anyway, I would get rid of all the stuff that reminds you of the problem. Try not reacting to stuff that comes at you and upsets you. Go back into your own little world, and have your own set of goals and things that make your life meaningful, independent of anyone else. Draw on those things for peace and happiness..and ignore the things that tick you off if you can’t change it.

Been making me happy lately, thought I’d share…

azguy,

I feel for you! I’ve had quite a ride myself, and I’m still on the ride.

What helps me the most is to try to focus on the positive times and just know that there are going to be times when it sucks. You’re not alone though, although sometimes it really feels like it.

I hope things get better for you!

Marty,

Half of this is church related and half of it is not. I am not comfortable going into the details of the other stuff.

I stopped believing in God quite a long time ago. I tried to talk to my wife about it, but she wasn’t in a position to be able to handle that discussion at the time. I just kind of pushed through it all for about 10 years. Then, due to some struggles my wife and I had, my wife started to question her beliefs. She gently approached me with her doubts and concerns, and was surprised to know that I was already fully aware of all of it. We are just two different people.

I don’t go to church because I think God will punish me. I go to church because of social and family connections, and I believe it will benefit my family. My wife doesn’t come to church because of the emotional toll her belief in God has taken on her. She feels betrayed by her belief in God, and in basic LDS teachings.

And just a follow up to the original “Emotional Rollercoaster” – After a couple of days, I did sit down and talk with my wife about the thing that “triggered” the bad memories (this trigger is not church related. It really did help to talk through it. She listed to what I said, and was very patient with me. It really helped tremendously.