Sex Posts

I thought it was becoming too frequent a topic of conversation before mfree6464 and BrucePace showed up. I wouldn’t consider myself a prude (what prude does :angel: ) but I find myself ‘ing when I come to StayLDS and it’s about sex… again. Especially when it’s something that’s been rehashed many times.

Spouse’s, especially spouse’s not here, are at the mercy of us. – It’s awkward for me.

I liked this quote from amateurparent that is in that thread:

I also don’t think many people are going to publically announce that fact on a public forum — even an anonymous one. It would feel like they were throwing themselves or their spouses under a large and speeding bus. Don’t expect a huge choir of “Me Too” comments.

mfree6464: On the one hand he wants something that is unique between only him and his wife, something special, something intimate. I totally get that. On the other hand he’s giving all of that intimacy away by posting details about his sex life. I get that it’s a two edged sword when you’re looking for support.

I don’t feel like posting in mfree6464’s thread because I get the impression that he’s out to hear a very specific kind of response, anything else will be ignored.

Solutions?

My vote is to find a nice, healthy site that specifically deals with supporting people in their struggles with sexuality and refer people there. Of course this in addition to advising people to seek out trained professional help.

I don’t mind new people coming in and looking for support for the issues that keeps them up at night but it will become a problem if the new people become one-trick ponies. I mean, mfree6464 does say that he’s in a better place right now. Sometimes interacting with people can make all the difference.

Maybe at the onset of a sex thread we could post a standard disclaimer similar to what you and amateurparent have said, “before hitting submit consider how your spouse would feel if they read your comment,” or something along those lines. Maybe we could be a little more proactive in shutting the conversation down when it appears like the same talking points are being revisited over and over, whether within a single thread or spread out across many.

It is a fine line, because it is interesting that in general a criticism of the church experience is that they talk and teach about sex poorly creating a culture of “hush … don’t talk about it”…and yet…there is good reason we don’t go around talking about it in graphic detail.

I think we keep walking the line here as you all have been moderating it.

The result seems to be we can be adults and talk about things, but as responsible adults and for the sake of respecting our spouses, details are just not needed. I just don’t think responsible adults really go around talking about threesomes or swallowing or details like that. At least, I have no friends that do that…inside or outside the church.

Also…as others mentioned…it is not the mission of our site to be the anonymous LDS sex therapy group. We want to moderate to bring it back to a focus…faith trials and support. There is a place for sexual issues to be discussed…but in context of faith issues, not sex therapy itself.

Perhaps PMing some individuals helps allow them to talk to some of us individually, without the site become something lurkers start to wonder what we are doing.

Please keep moderating these and helping people see the details are not necessary…leave out the intimate details, and stick to the issue at hand and how it applies to church and faith.