Article From Deseret News About Faith Crises

I can’t seem to find it by googling ‘deseret news faith crisis’. You may need to post a link so we can all be sure we’re discussing the same article

I would have to say his journey is different than mine. I am glad he has found peace and happiness. Here are his points and my (probably too verbose) responses to many of his points

Lesson #1: “Cynicism creates a numbness toward life.” I agree. I have already firmly said that I am NOT going to be one of those angry exmo’s that just lives to talk bad about the church and looks for every little issue and picks at it (I do that a BIT on this site, and that helps me get it out of my system so I don’t dwell on it). But I do see a difference between being cynical and critical thinking.

Lesson #2: We are not alone. If you have read some of my posts last year, I did go through a period with seriously looking at “is there a God at all?” I think that could be the case, but I have decided to have faith that there is a God who loves me and when I look at nature and universe, I still have a hard time believing this is all from randomness.

Lesson #3: Instant gratification is counterfeit happiness. Yep. There are many things that seem to make happiness that do not last. The church teaches many of these. As I still have kids in my home, I want most of these things to be taught to them. I know I could teach much of this, but the good LDS friends they have help them stay away from many things that trip up teenagers. It is making me think really hard about what I do.

Lesson#4: Commandments/Laws/Rules help you learn I have a hard time seeing this as different from #3. There are truths / behaviors that bring happiness.

Lesson #5: You’re not the exception to the rule. Once again – it seems like a repeat of #3, but at the same time I have to acknowledge that there is a lot of variability in people. So I am leery of saying “everyone must fit the mold or you are bad.” That sentiment is a current problem in the church.

Lesson #6: It’s the daily little decisions in life that determine your destiny. True. I am not saying everyone must study the scriptures X number of minutes as some people don’t get much out of that. So I agree, but back to #5 – A bit back to my points about what everyone’s “little decisions” may be different.

Lesson #7: You can be guilt free and clean of your past mistakes. Back to #2, at this time I am deciding to believe in Christ. But I have to say I believe more in the grace of Christ than most church members do and feel like too much is put on never making a mistake in the first place.

Lesson #8: Surprise!! Everyone who goes to church is not yet perfect! Ummm, I didn’t need anybody to tell me that. I don’t have much of an issue with people in my ward, it is those up above them. He does make a good point about “worry about yourself, not others.”

Lesson #9: “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. ” If you read what he says that we need to not be too harsh in judging others. I can’t tell if this is coming from a happy valley perspective (if someone watches sports on Sunday they are going to hell) or if it is a deeper level of “don’t judge others. He does defend the TBM in the stance of “I don’t want to look at all of that history stuff.” He wants to say, “just let them be.” I did hear in podcast someone talk about how one friends testimony is that the church is true because of how it helped him turn his live around when it was on a very bad direction. I do think that is important, but also the converse. Those that have real unresolved heartburn over various issues should be given the same respect and tolerance.

Lesson #10: You get as much out of something as you put in. True. But I am finding that after a half a century of putting most everything into it, that I am very unfulfilled. He does a little bit of, “if you don’t feel good about it, then YOU are the one with a problem”.

Lesson #11: The Book of Mormon will help you come unto Christ. He seems to be saying that if you read it with an open heart, you will be convinced and if you are not, you either have not read it or didn’t have an open heart. A bit like #10 – the conclusion is inevitable and if you don’t get the inevitable conclusion, YOU are the problem. His quote of, “every single person I have ever personally come in contact with who has spoken poorly about the Book of Mormon, when I dug down and uncovered the truth, had never actually read it in its entirety with an open heart and mind.” “Every single person”?

Lesson #12: Weird is a relative term and often things are only weird to us when we don’t understand them. All religions have “weird” stuff. I live “in the mission field” and have been judged “weird” all my life. I am fine with that. It is not the “weird” stuff that bothers me but the “bad” stuff that bothers me that does not seem at all like what I would expect in Christ’s church.

Lesson #13: LDS members don’t think they’re better than everyone. True that most members are not on huge superiority complexes, but I do think many members are very unaware of the fact that they have SOME (and to varying degrees). That inability to see that is often more of an issue.

Lesson #14: Working in the Lord’s Vineyard is awesome! Much of my church service I have enjoyed as I have been able to help others. Right now I feel that WAY too much of my service is only focused on members (or missionary work). I am very frustrated that the church activities take so much time that I can’t make any meaningful commitment to anything else.

Lesson #15: Listen to wise advice and learn from others. Agreed, and those are not all in the church. I see me participating in this forum to be trying to learn from others. He does say that the leaders get things right 999 times out of a thousand. Wow – I must be missing all the times they are getting it right. I do say the vast majority of what they say is “right”, but it seems all very simple stuff – the 6 B’s and such. Not really doctrinal stuff.

Lesson #16: “Don’t let what you don’t know, keep you from following what you do know.” Totally DFU “doubt your doubts”. As most everyone says on this site, don’t make any rash decisions. That I agree with.

Lesson #17: Listen to your “conscience.” Totally agree. I just wonder what he would say if asked, “what if your conscience disagrees with what is coming from the church leaders?

Lesson #18: I want to share my happiness with others. Great, but don’t rain on someone else’s happiness that is different from yours. Be happy when others are happy.

I don’t know how this factors into the mission of StayLDS 😳 but there’s one phenomenon that troubles me. Maybe I’ve invented it, I see what I want to see, etc. I’ll try to explain.

Some people that have a faith crisis eventually find their way back to the church. I think that’s a great thing but sometimes I feel like that particular path is held in too high a regard. I’d rather members hear about successes framed as people finding personal happiness after a faith crisis, regardless of whether they eventually made it back to the church (I understand why those types of stories aren’t going to be shared on Deseret News).

Some stories about people finding their way back to the church can give people false hope or give people ammunition. A family member might be tempted to think, this person survived a faith crisis the “right” way, why can’t you?

I realize these people are offering their support, sharing what worked for them, and I applaud that. Seriously. After all that’s what I try to do. I don’t know what my point is. Maybe that the “right” way is different for everyone. In your respective journeys allow yourself to be right every once in a while.

999 out of 1000. Did Jesus even have a track record like that? :angel:

Thanks for the comments, nibbler and LookingHard. What you two mention about everyone’s faith journeys being different and some people may never to happy in the church. You are right about that.

I was baptized, confirmed, endowed, and sealed for eternity in my marriage.

My life is lived cleanly — ethically and morally. I have kept the WoW as a way to respect the beliefs of my DH. I am attending LDS services about 50% of the time, in support of my DH. (I find the time there painful).

My belief is the BOM is gone. Completely gone. I see the Church as attempting to do good — just like most other religious institutions out there.

As I go through my life, attempting to be everything that being a Christian is supposed to include, I am amazed at the feed back from family and friends. Too many see stepping away from the LDS church as a way of sending my soul to hell.

I ask, “why?”

Belief in the LDS church has never been a saving ordinance. Faith in the LDS church isn’t a requirement. Belief in Christ is the requirement. If they are hung up on ordinances, mine are all done.

This Deseret News article just annoys me in so many ways. It reminds me of a conversation I had with someone recently. They had stated that they had been involved with people coming back to the church, but they had never been around anyone who was leaving. They didn’t know how to deal with that dynamic. This article would have shown some depth if it addressed both situations — those leaving permanently as well as those who leave temporarily.

This is not quality journalism.

The title references “lessons” from someone who lost & regained their faith. I am disappointed that this article provides no insight into people that are having a faith crisis. If the article was about 18 lessons from someone that had been to Australia and returned, I might expect some insights into the culture and people there. If the article was about 18 lessons from someone that had converted to Catholicism and then returned to Mormonism then I might similarly expect some respectful conversation about the beliefs of the Catholic church and how they might be similar or different from our own. Such insights and respect are lacking for the person that has “lost & abandoned” the LDS faith. This article does not build bridges – it helps to build walls. It is apologetic in nature.

After reading Bro. Millar’s story I am not even sure that what he had could be considered a FC. He got lax about daily scripture study and prayers. He had some low level questions about the faith. He did something to not be temple worthy. He moved away to a big city. He had a NM girlfriend who peppered him with questions about the church. In answering her questions, he developed a new awakening of faith. Moves back to Utah. I cannot say what might constitute a faith crisis for another but this might just be a case of normal young person development – wanting to distance himself from parental/institutional authority.

Many of his “lessons” relate back to his personal story. The frame his journey as where he went wrong and how to defend against similar slip-ups yourself.

Lesson #1: “Cynicism creates a numbness toward life.”

– He feels that many people who leave the faith become cynical and hardened…less able to love or be happy.

Lesson #2: We are not alone.

-He has had experiences to suggest that forces of good and evil are real.

Lesson #3: Instant gratification is counterfeit happiness.

– I agree that there are some destructive habits that some people can have. I worry that he is oversimplifying this to be that anything away from the church is “counterfeit happiness.” (He later equates going on a boat ride on Sunday to this counterfeit happiness)

Lesson#4: Commandments/Laws/Rules help you learn and live the “Plan of Happiness” and are there to keep you safe. I’ve heard people say things like, “All the rules you guys have to live by are ridiculous, restrictive and childish. I’m an adult and can make decisions based on what I think is right.”

– This is a great example of where he defends against criticisms that seem to be from an immature standpoint. I am imagining a group of high school kids pointing fingers and saying, “Rules are dumb.” Of course rules (particularly road safety rules) can be very important. I believe that this is a straw man argument.

Lesson #5: You’re not the exception to the rule.

– This lesson is filled with judgment. Perhaps he could better phrase it from his own life journey that he was not the exception of the rule. I feel that he is saying that people that leave the church are seeking instant gratification and excuses to break commandments. He does not speak for me or my situation.

Lesson #6: It’s the daily little decisions in life that determine your destiny

. – He says to keep up all the little habits to maintain “clarity” about enduring to the end.

Lesson #7: You can be guilt free and clean of your past mistakes.

– I am glad that he feels forgiven of whatever mistakes he might have made.

Lesson #8: Surprise!! Everyone who goes to church is not yet perfect! If you decide to give the restored gospel of Jesus Christ a real chance (remember, with an open heart and mind), you will at some point attend church. Before you go, you should know there are imperfect people just like you and me who go there too. Shocker, I know!!! But some people discredit church for this reason.

– I am not even sure how this relates to his journey. Was he offended? He seems to be saying that the other reason why people might leave the church is because they were offended. This marginalizes and minimizes people.

Lesson #9: “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

This “lesson” is really strange. He appears to be responding to someone that might say that LDS members are too clannish and shelter their kids too much from the outside world. Bro. Millar begins by saying that we should not jump to judgments of things that we do not understand. Then he leaps to judgment himself in the following statement: “it’s that for the most part LDS members have seen what the world has to offer and made a very calculated and even logical decision based on lots of information that what the restored gospel of Jesus Christ has to offer is superior to all others and brings the most long-term happiness.” (Emphasis mine)

Stop judging us world. We logically reject you because what we have is superior. You wouldn’t understand because you are blinded with prideful arrogance! 😈

Lesson #10: You get as much out of something as you put in.

– There is some truth to this but unfortunately is comes across as another blame the victim. You must not have tried hard enough.

I can’t tell you how many people I’ve had conversations with who profess to having had a bad experience with the LDS faith, but have never truly lived it or tried it. It’s no surprise they got as much out of it as they put in.

How easy it is to dismiss “many” people’s experiences.

Lesson #11: The Book of Mormon will help you come unto Christ.

– He has a testimony of the BoM. Good for him. He states in his story that even in the depths of his doubts he still knew that the BoM was true. This to me is one piece of evidence that suggests that his faith crisis was not very deep. I am tempted to say that he flirted with a faith crisis. I believe that if he really had a faith crisis that he might be a little bit more sympathetic and perhaps acknowledge that there are some thorny and troubling issues (even for those with “an open heart and mind”). At any rate, Bro. Millar always knew that the BoM was true.

Lesson #12: Weird is a relative term and often things are only weird to us when we don’t understand them.

– Back to #11. Do not judge the church (and particularly temple ceremonies) as weird just because you don’t understand them.

Lesson #13: LDS members don’t think they’re better than everyone. LDS church members don’t famously go around trying to convert the whole world to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ because we think we’re better than everyone or because we have a superiority complex. We do it because, as I explained in lesson #9, we have seen what the world has to offer and have found from personal experience that truly living the restored gospel of Jesus Christ brings the most lasting, real joy and happiness in this life and the next! [snip] Our late prophet Gordon B. Hinckley used to say, “We say to people, in effect, you bring with you all the good that you have, and let us see if we can add to it.” [snip] The restored Church of Jesus Christ takes the person you currently are, good and bad, and makes you better.

Remember world, we do not think that we are better than everyone. We do not have a superiority complex. We just know that what we have is “superior to all others.” 😈

Lesson #14: Working in the Lord’s Vineyard is awesome! I’ve heard a lot of people say that serving, holding callings and working in the church isn’t worth it. It’s not worth the time and effort. Not only does it take up your time, it takes away from your ability to do what you want. Many in this camp also believe that doing things like going boating on Sunday is more fun than going to church or going and working on a service project somewhere.

– This seems to be a deflection against those that might be tired or burnt out or lazy. It makes it seem that they are burnt out because they would rather do selfish things with their time. If they had a proper attitude then the work of the vineyard would be it’s own reward.

The happiness and joy that comes from living a life aligned to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and serving and sacrificing for others in the vineyard IS more enjoyable than playing outside the vineyard. Working in the vineyard brings true, lasting happiness where the other brings fleeting/counterfeit happiness. Those who show up late to work in the vineyard eventually will come to realize and regret they didn’t show up sooner. They will come to realize THEY were the ones who were missing out.

emphasis in original

When they finally show up to do their part, they will rue the day that they didn’t show up sooner – Lazy Shirkers! Thank you, Bro. Millar for sharing the hidden meaning behind this otherwise confusing parable.

Lesson #15: Listen to wise advice and learn from others.

– Beware of Pride –

Everything that has brought me deep mental, emotional and spiritual pain in my life, I was warned to avoid by our LDS church leaders and the prophets in the scriptures. But, being too prideful and thinking I was the exception to the rule and their counsel was “dumb,” I chose to ignore it.

Follow the prophets. –

Do they get things wrong? Yeah maybe 1 time out of every 1000 because they are still human and still learning just like you and me.

Nobody is perfect, but 999 out of 1000 is almost perfect. 😈

Lesson #16: “Don’t let what you don’t know, keep you from following what you do know.”

– We do not know everything but we can be confident that the things that we were raised with were the truth.

Lesson #17: Listen to your “conscience.”

Ok fine. If it is good enough for Jimmy Cricket then it is good enough for me.

Lesson #18: I want to share my happiness with others.

That is fine. Just be careful that you do not minimize and dismiss the lived experiences of others in the process.

Roy wrote:

This article does not build bridges – it helps to build walls. It is apologetic in nature.

Mildly annoying – definitely boring – walls. I’m not saying I’d have done any better five years ago myself.

I wish they would hold out for the fewer, higher quality writers. They’ve gotta be out there.

Like, say…Roy! If it’s good enough for Jiminy Cricket, then it’s good enough for me. 😆