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I was pondering the other day, how I am dreading going back to church. They actually have an occupancy date now, and so I must fulfill my promise to start going again. Your true feelings and emotions become very clear when your are standing on the edge of the cliff, standing at the alter, writing the check, signing the agreement….I and feel strong dread about sitting there in my white shirt and tie in a state of boredom each Sunday. I will have to set boundaries and then face the ostracization. Certainly no joy to be had there. I have reached the conclusion that my personality and dispositions are not a good fit with the LDS church. I am not considering resigning, of course, but it really is not a good place for me with its one size fits all approach, lack of local creativity (due to the Church Handbook manual and long arm of the stake) and the cultural norms that I think many people are even aware of, that permeate their opinions and behavior (as they did mine for decades).
This realization got me thinking… is the reason God is vague about what is required for salvation, which church is the one for you to join, and the fact that people seem really happy and live good lives out of the church because God RESPECTS DIVERSITY? Because he realizes that no one organization can possibly accommodate individual characteristics that make people miserable in certain organizations, but not in others?
If you accept that it is part of the plan for a diverse range of churches and doctrines, all pointing to “being a good person like Christ” is part of the plan, all of a sudden God makes more sense. He seems more merciful. He seems to understand what age and hard knocks have taught me — that people are different, and that we can preach at them, force them, cajole them, and goad them into certain behaviors, but unless it is an expression of their natural passions and dispositions, such direction only leads to lack of commitment, unhappiness, and disaffection.
We learn in the business management literature that you need to find people who match the culture you are working towards. Otherwise, you get turnover. Is God’s vagueness about which church is best for us there in order to accommodate our diverse needs and personalities? Is the plethora of churches to choose from an expression of his love and respect for our individuality?
Interesting analogy. I hope you are able to find peace. First I’ll say that while I had a desire to return to church after my long absence, I also dreaded it. I mostly dreaded how I was to deal with things that others might say. I talked to my bishop about it before my return, and he did run some interference. That didn’t mean there still weren’t (and still aren’t) incidents where I am offended or just plain pissed off. Setting boundaries is important. Distracting myself from the boredom, monotony, and idiotic statements has also been very important and helpful. Regarding diversity. I remember encountering some people as a missionary who believed that God created all different religions and churches so that everyone could have a way to worship Him. In those days being a subscriber to the one true church I thought the idea was ridiculous. I am much more open to the idea now, and agree with you SD – that kind of God seems much more loving and merciful to me. I do believe God respects diversity in his children, just as I respect and embrace the differences in my own children.
Timing. This was posted today: http://www.wheatandtares.org/20644/instruments-in-the-orchestra-how-inclusive-is-the-gospel-of-jesus-christ/ ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://www.wheatandtares.org/20644/instruments-in-the-orchestra-how-inclusive-is-the-gospel-of-jesus-christ/ Quote:The orchestra may not need only piccolos, but it never needs an electric guitar. If you want to play electric guitar, you have to find something other than an orchestra. A saxophonist may sometimes be invited to play with the orchestra, but only if he can conform his sound to that of a french hornists, or only if his conductor is picking musical selections from composers who wrote saxophone in with the orchestra.
In the past I’ve used the orchestra analogy but I took it a step further to suit what I felt were my then experiences. We may have different instruments, violins, oboes, cellos, etc. but it felt like the conductor only let people play the same melody in unison over and over again. Not only were the instruments a subset of the whole but everyone was playing the same note. Who wants to go to a concert where the entire orchestra plays the same note, or the same note in octave intervals? Why even have an orchestra?
I attended a middle school band performance. The band director laid out an interesting arrangement, the director showed how the students had progressed during the course of the year. At first everyone played a random note at the same time, the most awful thing you ever heard. Then they played a song that only had three notes, then a song that had 4 notes, then a song with 5 notes, etc. They eventually progressed where by the end of the performance they were playing a song that included harmonized parts where each section was doing something different that contributed to the whole. You could tell how the kids were being taught discipline and to build on what they had learned. In their own unique way the artificial limitations were helping the kids learn their instruments. I was seriously impressed. Oh, and the band director only allowed students to select from one of four instruments. After that fist year the students are allowed a little more freedom in instrument choice.
At one point in my life church felt like first year band, where the instrument options and music selections are limited. That’s all well and good, as I see things the structure really helps people learn and grow. The problem is that once someone masters first year band they need some additional headroom to grow. Church often felt like the band director or the person sitting in first chair rapping your knuckles with a ruler because you were too bored to play Mary had a little lamb one more time. Playing Mary had a little lamb was still important for the people coming up but at the same time what do you do with the people that are bored with it?
There isn’t much diversity if the end game is, “be quiet and play Mary had a little lamb like you are told.”
Maybe I’m seizing on the linked article because I play electric guitar and
to this day, after everything is said and done, and a third phrase that conveys how I should view things a little differently but don’t, I still view the electric guitar as being too irreverent for church. Maybe it’s just the way I play, maybe the metaphor still holds true for me in certain ways? I noticed another interesting thing during that middle school performance. There was a drummer following the director that was helping the students keep time. The drummer wasn’t a middle school student, they were a high school student that came back to middle school to help the director teach the students. I’m sure that dude could tear it up but there he was playing Mary had a little lamb, likely dying a little on the inside.
A few things worth noting. A drum wasn’t one of the band director’s four approved instruments but the drummer was allowed to play during the concert. Are some people in the church in more of a role of the drummer? Someone assisting the director with teaching the students while sacrificing a little pride (and possibly some sanity) along the way? Without the drummer the middle school band may have had an even harder time with learning the ropes and for sure the band would have been one instrument less diverse. We could do a much better job of being accommodating to all the drummers in church, finding ways they can work with the director.
My electric guitar will likely never echo the halls of any church building because I’ve convinced myself that most people feel like it would only chase away the spirit. So why do I attend? Maybe the church needs an electric guitar, whether they realize it or not. Maybe there are one or two people at church that can only be reached via an electric guitar. My sacrifice for now is that I’ll be there to help them improve their Black Sabbath day observance.
The band/orchestra analogy is interesting. Wirthlin’s quote did come to mind as I read the OP. So let’s use another “real life” example like Nibbler’s. My kids went to a relatively small rural school. Their graduating classes are upper 60s/low 70s, 80 would be a very big class. The school has a concert band, but no marching band and no orchestra. My kids all played in the band (there is some interesting research related to music and math scores by the way). When my second oldest was in band there was a lone electric guitarist. He wanted to play and he wanted the required art/music credit. So he was allowed, he played whatever and nobody could really hear him because he was drowned out by the rest of the band. Now that my youngest is in band there are five such guitarists and they even get to do a piece of their own at the concerts. Likewise, our band has a violinist because there is a young lady who takes private violin lessons and wants to play. The point is there is room in the band – but we have to think outside the cultural norms of what should and shouldn’t be in the band and fortunately we had a music teacher and administrator who were willing to do so. So while there certainly are bands and jazz bands and orchestras and bell choirs and all manner of other things out there to cater to diversity in instruments, there really is no reason we can’t all be in the same organization except we think we can’t. Is there a “one true” band?
DarkJedi wrote:Is there a “one true” band?
Zeppelin.
nibbler wrote:DarkJedi wrote:Is there a “one true” band?
Zeppelin.
Digressing, I know, but clearly if there was one true band it would be The Beatles. (See what I did there?)
I am not sure that thinking out side the box works well in our church — maybe in micro situations that have no specified policy, but certainly not on a large scale. I honestly think containment is the strategy — keep the boundaries set, find ways of dealing with the boring experience of church, and fill your life up with other things in your extra-church time to compensate. SilentDawning wrote:I am not sure that thinking out side the box works well in our church — maybe in micro situations that have no specified policy, but certainly not on a large scale. I honestly think containment is the strategy — keep the boundaries set, find ways of dealing with the boring experience of church, and fill your life up with other things in your extra-church time to compensate.
I agree, SD. I think that’s partly why we need to find our own way. We don’t need to attend every activity, or even any. They only have the power you give them.
A pastor at my local church told the following story from his experience. There was a young man and new convert that joined the church. He was enthusiastic and wanted to contribute but also somewhat tentative and nervous. The pastor discovered that this young man played drums. The church bought a new set of drums and asked this young man to play with the worship band.
One long-time church member took offense to the use of drums in the band and made a stink. He felt that drums were used in pagan rites and devil worship and would drive out the spirit. This member did not have any institutional authority but the controversy embarrassed the young man and he stopped coming to church.
For a long time the drums just sat there because there was no body to play them. The long-time church member had a wayward son that started putting his life back together and attending church. He had long hair and tattoos but seemed to be genuine in turning his life around. In an ironic twist, he also played drums. He came to some practice sessions with the worship band and really hit it off.
The day came to unveil this new worship band member to the congregation. To hear the pastor tell it, this same long time church that had driven the previous drum player out of the church in embarrassment was standing in the front row with his hands held high in praise to God and tears streaming down his face. This moment represented a family miracle to him.
The pastor then equated that story to homosexuality. Their church position is against homosexuality but the pastor cautioned to be charitable in their dealings with others. Before anyone goes around saying that gay people are not welcome in the church they might want to consider how they might feel if it was their child who was gay and struggling to find their place within the worship community. He then said that there are members of the congregation that are gay. There are members of the church whose children are gay. Their feelings, hopes, and dreams should be considered.
Sorry for the tangent – It does touch on the roles of differences and learning to work together with charity.
I think God created diversity and expects us to embrace it. I’m sure He could have created a 3 species world like Orson Scott Card described in a couple of his books if He wanted to. Inside the US the church is terrible at embracing diversity and marginally better outside of the US because it has to be if it wants to exist.
I work for a company that expects employees and managers to recognize the importance of diversity, and the company receives awards from LGBT groups and other groups for the level of diversity. It’s financially successful because while it’s financially responsible and conservative – on social issues it’s liberal. My boss has told me that he takes me to dinner when he has a conservative client or an LDS client and when he needs employees with other backgrounds he takes them. It doesn’t bother me because it makes sense – he wants to connect with the client and show them we are like them.
That’s the irony. I think if the church were more diverse I think it would be more successful.
SilentDawning wrote:Is God’s vagueness about which church is best for us there in order to accommodate our diverse needs and personalities? Is the plethora of churches to choose from an expression of his love and respect for our individuality?
This makes sense that He wants to accommodate our needs and personalities since he created us in His image.
I think that’s a great story Roy — the point is that the tatooed person who joined the worship band was the conscientious objector’s son. I am now very conscious of the fact that many of the stalwart members we see at church may well have gay children. And so, they may seem orthodox and conservative, but some would cringe about some of the things members say about gay people in or out of the church.
Thanks SD. Sometimes we can be quick and hasty in drawing lines about what is or is not acceptable. It is worth asking – If one of our floundering children crossed over the line, would we be willing to sacrifice him/her to maintain our sense of order? How did Heavenly Father respond to his floundering and wayward children?
The LDS church is filled with good people. I just feel that one of our weaknesses is in reaching out to those that are different in love and acceptance. We do reach out but unfortunately there is too often an undercurrent of “We love you and we show that love by wanting you to change/conform to become more like the rest of us.” The LDS church IMO is most effective/comfortable for people that have their life together (at least outwardly).
Back to the OP about the diversity of religions. I have seen people be successful in other churches that I believe would be marginalized and diminished in our church.
Thank you Silent Dawning for bringing up this topic. I saw a Facebook post awhile back that basically said that they thought there were so many different religions because God wanted to make sure we all had a way back to Him even with all our differences. She said each religion served a purpose to bring specific groups of people back to God. I honestly had never thought of this before but it really hit me hard. It started to wonder if some people were meant to be in the LDS church and others became closer to God through other religions. I wondered if it really had to be and either-or situation where one is definitely wrong and the other is 100 percent truth. Maybe everyone has their own truth? One that works for them.
It really makes a lot of sense to me. There are many great, wonderful people that thrive in the LDS church and others who do very poorly in it. Maybe those that do poorly just need to find what is right for them, whether it is staying LDS under their own terms or finding a new religion all together that is compatible with them.
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