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I have a friend who has been with me through a faith crisis for over 15 years. I have known him since 1992….and we talk on the phone regularly. I explained to him my approach to volunteers in the non-profit I am with now. How we recruit, how we co-mission, how they agree to term limits and then renew for another one if they want — all short term. How it’s an outgrowth of the nasty experiences I’ve had in the church with volunteering, as well as general experience in other secular non-profits.
We talked about the “conscription” model of the church, and how I perceive it to disrespect (although did not say “disrespect”) the boundaries, agency of others when it is EXPECTED that you should never ask for a release, and never say “no” to a calling (a la BKP “unwritten order of things”). Surprisingly, in spite of his TBM stance, he explained that he has no problem saying “no” to callings, no problem setting boundaries and that he feels quite Ok with refusing to do certain things. He also seemed to be in a bit of envy about how the plan I’m on — do what brings joy in service — and explained how resonates with him as after 40 years in the church, he wants to do something new. Now, he’s fully active and holds all the orthodox views, so I am not “tainting” him through our convos…
In spite of our opposing viewpoints, I felt like we were on the same team. He’s an example of what I think a healthy-minded Mormon should do — elevate the conscience and do what you honestly feel is best — even if the priesthood leaders tell you the finger of the Lord rested on you when that hymn book coordinator position became open in the Ward.
Are we not simply on a continuum of boundaries — from very strong boundaries, to very weak boundaries? From less actives to TBM’s? And who is to say that one set of boundaries is superior to the other given the array of needs and personalities and life circumstances out there>?
I feel that one of the most important things about boundaries is realizing that you are allowed to have them. It’s going to be difficult to say “no” to a church calling if you don’t even realize that’s an acceptable response. Even when you know you can set boundaries it’s still difficult. Those first few times it’s never as simple as just saying “no.” nibbler wrote:I feel that one of the most important things about boundaries is realizing that you are allowed to have them.
Amen. And wouldn’t a Christlike, Godlike creature, respect boundaries? I think they would.
I listened to a podcast by Bill Reel recently where he interviewed a nephew of BRM. This guy is as faithful as they come and just wrote a book about the D&C. His whole family studied the scriptures and church history to an impressive extent. He was very open about how Church leaders and prophets are fallible and bring their cultural biases to the table. He acknowledges that Mormon culture has gone far to the extreme in teaching sanitized history and the belief that the prophet cannot teach false ideas/doctrine. He says that he (even as a TBM) did not feel the need to share his opinions in SS classes because everyone is at different levels spiritually and his perspective was not always consistent with what was being taught.
It surprised me how flexible he could be on some positions put forward in the church and yet he clearly has some things that he takes as “gospel truth.”
I believe that his approach is what the church version of inoculation might look like.
It was also interesting how his experiences in the Mconkie and Wirthlin families gave him room to experience different approaches and differences of opinion among people that were clearly pro-LDS in every way.
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