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There is in the moderator control panel a reported PM. The message is from Shawn to WillB93, reported by Will. To save the time of going to look at it, here’s the text:
Quote:Hey Will1993,
Please believe me when I say I am messaging you for your own good. I have read a few of your posts and it seems to me that you do not have serious concerns about church history and you still have a fairly good testimony. Sure, you have “been drifting off from the church a little bit lately” and you “don’t really keep all the commandments.” Trust me, that’s not the same as having a real faith crisis.
You will encounter bitter members of the church on this forum saying negative things and bringing up all sorts of concerns regarding the church. We are sincere people with real questions and frustrations. Please, do yourself a favor and stay away from this site so you can avoid a faith crisis. It really, really sucks. We might drag you down. I think you could address many of your issues at lds.net.
Peace.
-Shawn
Will says it’s “kinda rude.”
I agree with Will, and I disagree with Shawn. While I’m not sure Shawn was being malicious, I also don’t think he needed to say this. Not everybody here is here because they have been through a faith crisis/transition, some get support in other ways and some offer support. And speaking of bitter members, I think Shawn himself has become more bitter of late. And, having been a former member of lds.net (banned), I honestly don’t think Will would fit in better there.
I did PM Will and I assured him we are taking this seriously and discussing it because it is the first time for many of us. I asked him his desired outcome, but he has not yet replied (nor has he really had time to).
So, what do we do with this Jedi Masters?
Well…my first reaction is to tell Will that PMs are used for these private talks and are not moderated by us unless there is abuse. This doesn’t seem like abuse, just rude.
So…I would recommend Will take care of things on his own.
He should reply to Shawn that he thought that was kinda rude and tell him how he feels, or ask him to not PM him anymore, or ignore him.
In short…I don’t want to intervene.
The part I would be concerned about is if Shawn begins a campaign to multiple people privately against our site. Then he will be warned and then banned. Otherwise, it is just exchanges between people and people can ignore or address them.
I think Shawn is harmless. He means well, his stuff is mostly his own personality issues more than a faith crisis, IMO.
Can you coach Will?
Do you agree we “drag people down”? Is our tone getting too negative and not enough positive ways to stay? The mission isn’t to “deal with it and stay despite it sucking”. Just wonder what you think the temperature is on the board these days and if we need to introduce new topics as mods to change the tone instead of just waiting to respond to others in a supportive way?? We used to do that years ago.
My first impulse was to reply to Will that he should address the issue on his own. I agree, Shawn’s message is not abusive nor do I think Shawn is of that mindset. It’s probably just a matter of communication and in actuality a sincere desire to express his concern for Will. We don’t know, of course, if other such messages were sent to other users. I do not agree that we drag people down, although there are certainly posts that could look that way – and those tend to come from people we discuss here. I think most people are already down when they come to the forum and we are more of a lifting force. Compared to the other board that has the same stated purpose, we are not all that negative, although again there is the occasional negative post (compared to the majority of posts there). I do think that the take away for some is that we “put things on the shelf” or just try to convince people to stay anyway despite their doubts. While I don’t think that’s true (although I do stay despite my doubts), I do see where it comes from.
I don’t think introducing topics is a bad idea. I fall into the rut of thinking we have discussed most of what needs discussing, but also recognize that most people don’t use the search function and the search function doesn’t always yield what you’re looking for. So, I’m fine with introducing new/repeated topics I’m just at a loss as what might be beneficial at any given moment.
Shawn has some serious issues. He might be bi-polar, since his mood swings have been epic at times. We walk a fine line with him constantly, and nothing we can do will change that, ever. I actually am very concerned about messages like this. We have banned a few people in our history for using this site to encourage people to leave the group. If this is a one-time, one-person thing, I am okay with it – but that is next to impossible to know.
We do NOT drag people down. Most people are down when they arrive. We don’t lift everyone up, but we are not the cause of people being down, and we don’t push them further down. That just is Shawn being Shawn and blaming us during a time when he feels particularly down. It is cyclical with him.
Perhaps DJ could even point that out to Will…carefully…but a little background helps sometimes that Shawn gets down sometimes and that is our advice in handling him through PMs. Also that if Shawn continues to do that to Will, he can let Shawn know he would report it to Mods who will take action. Is that too much? I would like to know, I guess, if Shawn keeps it up.
I’m willing to do that, a simple “Shawn has up and down times” is probably OK. I’m betting this is a one time thing. I will also encourage Will to let Shawn know this type of communication is unwelcome from his point of view and if it continues he should report it. Of course, another option is for Will to just let it go – I did note the message was dated March 2 and he didn’t report it until yesterday. That could indicate he doesn’t take note of private messages and read them immediately. Perhaps explain Shawn’s mood swings and ask Will to let us know if Shawn persists. Quote:Shawn has some serious issues. He might be bi-polar, since his mood swings have been epic at times. . . . We do NOT drag people down. Most people are down when they arrive. We don’t lift everyone up, but we are not the cause of people being down, and we don’t push them further down. That just is Shawn being Shawn and blaming us during a time when he feels particularly down. It is cyclical with him.
Bingo!Shawn might be referencing that some people can come here with one particular concern and then start reading the threads and become exposed to more and more. We tend to be good compassionate people (many still active in their local wards) that are acknowledging and validating the issues. This can actually make these issues harder to dismiss or shelve as anti-Mormon propaganda.
I do believe that we offer a range of nuanced approaches to dealing with the issues. However, I believe that not everybody is successful at living with nuance.
The stayLDS approach is a lifesaver for those that need it – but I also believe that in the grand scheme of things we are really only useful to a small slice of the population.
I am inclined to believe that this is a onetime thing (until proven otherwise) and support leaving it alone.
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