High Five to all the nuanced Spouses who attend anyway

Today my husband came to church with me. It was his own idea. He’d mentioned it a few weeks ago. At the time I told him I was fine going on my own. And I am. I get much of the pain of this lovely crash called FC, but some of it – the Christian type stuff still holds me.

He stopped attending some years ago. I even encouraged it. The week leading up to Sunday was one long painful process, it just wasn’t worth the agony. We don’t always love our split situation. We each wish it had turned out differently. But it is, what it is.

Anyway I knew earlier in the week he was coming. I hoped he would have an okay time. I didn’t have any huge expectations, but two or three times during the meeting it hit me how much I miss having someone to sit with. I knew he was doing everything he could not to get to focused on the meeting, and that was fine. At one of the points where my emotions of joy flooded I thought about all of you that I know here who attend even when you would rather be anywhere else.

Your spouse may not even know you are in agony, or maybe they don’t fully understand your pain or positions, but I believe you may be giving a greater gift than you know. At least that is how it felt to me today.