Back at Church

Thanks for sharing SD.

I have not attended the actual Sunday meeting in some time (thanks to work conflicts). I do have a calling in the scouting organization that I can do each week to keep my foot in the door. (The way things are done in scouting in my ward are frustrating but it is only for an hour most Wednesdays. I can get through that.)

My DW has been sick for almost a month so the whole family has been missing church. Her VT asked if there was “anything that she could do.” I convinced my wife that it would be nice to have a meal brought in. Even though it was hard for her she did ask. The VT brought over a meal the next day and the Primary president and one of her counselors did the next two days.

I appreciate this type of service that the church does better than most organizations of which I am familiar.

We came back to Church from 5 years of inactivity. It has been exactly three years since then.

Most of the time, I only stay for a sacrament meeting. My daughter goes to Sunday School and Young Women once in awhile. My husband is most active. The members are nice, I mean polite. But I can sort of feel that they view us as not so active still. We are distanced. We are not asked to give a talk or give a lesson. I suppose we are “watch outs.” Sometimes, I feel sad that I can not be like other TBMs. But this is all I/we can do for now, emotionally and physically.

In order for us to stay in the church, we ignore the things we can not believe but stick with the relationship-with-God aspect and the positive elements of the Gospel. If we absolutely have to take the whole church thing as a package, we can not stay. I have been struggling with this feeling all along.

But one Sunday, some members in my husband’s HP group have expressed their honest opinions, by saying that they do not believe everything. Then the RS 1st president commented that is the case for all of us. I was relived to hear them saying that.

For now, the Sacrament Meeting is enough meeting for us and we probably do not need all the other meetings on Sunday and extra activities during the week.

I think it is all right for everybody to be different and feel about Church differently. Of course, some GA may say different things, but I believe when the leaders’ opinions crash with my most reliable conscience, then, I choose my conscience. And this is exactly what our super active Elder’s Quorum President said in front of the entire congregation during the Sacrament about a year ago.

I think every religious meeting does not have to be interesting or wonderful every time. Although I wish that is the way it is.

Because this is the way in any church, not just LDS Church. If I learn one little inspirational thing on Sunday at church, I tell myself this is enough and I can call it a blessing of the day. I smile most of time to everyone in the church and they smile back to me, most of the time, even though much of them may be superficial. I am at least thankful that they are not rude to us. Truly, I want to be more honest but since I only go to the church to learn about very basic elements of Gospel, take the sacrament for the remission of my sin, and feel a little peace, nothing else matters. In fact, I ignore most of the thing in the church. They are secondary in importance. RS sisters often comment, “i need to do food storage, gardening, more service in the church, go to temple more often, do genealogy, etc., etc.” They are all secondary. I do not do any of those things (at least for now). The most important things are very few and that is what we should be focusing on. And Holy Ghost told me that is absolutely correct. Trying to be a good person, if not perfect, is the most important thing and everything else is trivial. But if those trivial things can really help us to be a very good person, then, they have a place in the church. At least that is what I think.

I hope things will get better for you soon.

I’ve been thinking this week of my return to church after my absence. I don’t have much of the same baggage as you SD, but I did have some similar experiences. My family had been active during this time, so they were not as much of a factor in the equation.

I did feel some trepidation going in for the first time, I came in right as the opening hymn began after arranging with a friend to text me when it was starting, and I sat in the back row (where I prefer to sit but my wife doesn’t like).

Yes, I am bored for the most part. I generally skip SS (always in my own ward, I don’t care for the teacher). Electronics and my own active mind are my saviors – as are the other SS skippers.

I had met with the bishop ahead of time and specifically asked him not make a big deal of my return, not to introduce me, etc., and to share my desires with the ward council. It was very successful, but for one idiot (not on the council and not well connected) whom I continue to avoid. In reality, our ward is much smaller than it was 10 years earlier and most of the people do know who I am anyway.

I have said here before that I learned who my friends at church are and aren’t when I stopped going to church. That alleviates lots of the hollow relationship stuff – I recognize how hollow they are upfront and tend to associate with my true friends (although I am cordial to others and friendly to new members and new move ins). Still, I wouldn’t even refer to my best friends there as especially deep. On the other hand, when I was a bit younger I used to desire those kinds of deeper friendships but have since given up on the idea. Part of that is me (I would be OK as a hermit, actually) and part of that is just giving up dreams and expectations. (No pity expected )

Church doesn’t usually bring me joy, either, and I like what kittylover said about not every meeting having to be wonderful all the time (and also wish they were). And the same old same old – yes, definitely. My son and I just had that conversation regarding GC this evening – today’s sessions were much of the same old parrots repeating the same old phrases. Boring, quite frankly, and I hope tomorrow is better – but that is relative, I know it won’t be wonderful.

My HPGL (now released and moved away) assigned me one HT (old guy member, non-member wife who has no interest) family who I have never gone to see. I didn’t ask for the assignment, and low key was part of what I had initially discussed with the bishop. I told the HPGL I probably wouldn’t go upfront. The new guy hasn’t ever asked directly, his assistant asks once in awhile (every quarter perhaps?) if I did my HT that month (I’m assuming you all know only March, June, Sept., and Dec. count). If you’re willing to accept one HT family only, I’d tell them that. I’ve made it very clear I won’t man the family history center because I have no interest in family history whatsoever. I’ve also made it clear I don’t feel compelled to attend every meeting or function and that I feel no guilt.

I think the first meeting was the toughest, it got easier after that – but I also have the luxury of going to other units on a regular basis (some of which I like less than mine BTW).

I hear this same sort of talk in some of the Christian churches where I participate. The idea is that “religion” and “doing church” is about structures and dogma, setting limits on how God reaches his children, and patting ourselves on the back while people outside our beautiful buildings are in need. They are connecting to people that are suspicious of church hierarchies.

Insightful comment — I never thuoght this was a “marketing ploy” to get people in the doors who are disillusioned by organized religion. the statement really resonated with me. I remember saying to myself “what a powerful statement”. And I consider it very true in Mormonism.