A Place to Belong

The Non-LDS church where my family participates most has this as their subtitle – A Place to Belong.

I have been amazingly impressed with the acceptance at this church. It provides and amazing outreach and celebrate recovery program. I have seen former addicts transition from rehab to participating and well received members of the church in what seems like a short time. I have thought about how these individuals would likely not do well in LDS settings. They would need to change their entire way of life in order to be accepted. I have speculated that perhaps part of why we have such great young people in the LDS church is that our focus on perfection drives away all but the nearly perfect already – those that largely have their lives in order with or without the church. The LDS church can be very reassuring for those that feel that they belong there. We can sometimes be an inhospitable place for those that are truly broken.

Yesterday my family was invited to an Easter party at the house of one of these non-LDS church members. The kids played in the back yard. The women prepared food and talked in the kitchen/dining area. The men were in front of the house grilling the meat. After a short time all the men went to a local park to hide the eggs. As I observed some of the conversation I was struck by a few thoughts. For the most part it did not seem that their lives were different on the outside because of their faith. Many were drinking beer. It seemed the majority of the adults would step outside for a smoke break. There were many examples of tattoos or non-traditional piercings. There was no shame towards pre-marital sex. Cursing or profanity in conversation was not uncommon among the adults. I knew the story of some of the families. One husband went on an alcoholism bender and neglected to care for his kids, he and his wife nearly divorced. This was after this couple team taught a church class on marriage. Another husband was forced to move to a motel for over a month after his wife discovered that he was having an affair. One of the couples introduced their adult son and his pregnant girlfriend. At the same time these same people are very good, giving, and supportive.

I do not pretend that this particular multi-family gathering was representative of the entire non-LDS church congregation.

Everyone was nice and having a good time. I did not feel entirely comfortable and spent most of the time in the back yard supervising the children. Part of my lack of comfort comes from culture clashes. These other guys work as mechanics, laborers, or corrections officers and there is a certain machismo that I do not seem to have. Also, my LDS cultural upbringing made it difficult to fully participate at the “grown-up table”.

I found myself wondering what (if any) lifestyle changes these individuals have had to make for the sake of their faith. They have a spiritual and community support structure but how is that helping them to make changes in their lives? Maybe I am being too hard on them. Maybe their lives were a complete mess before the church came along and the current state of things reflects a big improvement. Regardless, I am glad that they have a faith community where they can go and feel accepted even if they do not conform to my understanding of the “commandments”. They have a wholesome and uplifting place where they can “Belong”.

As to my own state of belonging, I feel somewhat that I straddle two worlds and do not fully belong to either. Maybe a bridge is not a bad thing to be. I can facilitate cross cultural communication and understanding. Maybe standing with one foot on each shore is actually my “Place to Belong” after all.