Something Funny Happened on Saturday

Their response was: “it’s too inconvenient”.

I’ve been laughing about it all weekend.

That’s why, for this season, I like working in organizations that have no expectations of sporadic service to its own members. The mission is focused on helping outside groups in structured ways. To me, I wouldn’t be laughing…

On the other hand — we don’t know about the impact of their dementia or other aspects of the bus-riding experience that might make it truly inadequate — like the ability to get up the bus steps, the possibility of getting lost due to dementia, or other safety concerns.

If none of those things, or others I haven’t thought of are not an issue, then I see it as an example of the membership taking advantage of the goodwill of the members. A time-user that I got tired of dealing with back in my more active days.

Your a good guy MM!

My mom had a case where she had to dish out her brood of kids to others to take someone about an hour away to get something. When they got there it was locked up. The person said “I thought it was going to be locked”. My mom was furious – on of the few times I saw my mom get mad at someone. The person had a reputation of asking others with very little gratitude.

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There is a wonderful lesson in this.

Thank you!

Ray — could you share what you felt the lesson was in this situation? Just interested…

I’ve got several family members with dementia. I guess the writing is on the wall for me.

Their response was: “it’s too inconvenient”.

I’ve been laughing about it all weekend.

From what I’ve experienced this is probably the healthiest approach to take. When people say “second childhood” in my opinion it means much more than just the way someone has to be taken care of physically, second childhood also extends to the mental realm. People with dementia can be ultra-selfish, sometimes they are only aware of their needs and they are completely oblivious to the sacrifices people make to take care of them. As the disease progresses the symptoms worsen. What was once an occasional behavior becomes the baseline.

It can be tough for the caregiver. Maybe it’s human nature for a rational person to assume other people are rational as well, at least on some level. Pointing out how a small sacrifice on their part would help you avoid a large sacrifice goes on deaf ears (sometimes literally deaf ears ). It wouldn’t be too dissimilar to getting mad at a 10 month old baby for being so selfish… except it’s harder because we think that because someone is an adult they should know better.

Serving someone with dementia is a thankless job, sometimes the person caring for them is subject to abuse for all their efforts. Trying to help someone that hurts you can damage the psyche but it helps to know that they truly cannot help the way their brain works. Truth is, it’s hard on everyone. Sometimes you just have to laugh, otherwise…

It can really change how you view concepts like justice, mercy, salvation. In cases like dementia the effects of the disease are more obvious so we aren’t as quick to judge the negative behaviors, that or we’re more willing to extend mercy. What about subtle cases, overproduction of serotonin, a slightly underdeveloped left temporal cortex, etc. If god were to look on such things, the things that can hold us back despite our best efforts, then what mercy might god extend to everyone?

From what I’ve experienced this is probably the healthiest approach to take. When people say “second childhood” in my opinion it means much more than just the way someone has to be taken care of physically, second childhood also extends to the mental realm. People with dementia can be ultra-selfish, sometimes they are only aware of their needs and they are completely oblivious to the sacrifices people make to take care of them. As the disease progresses the symptoms worsen. What was once an occasional behavior becomes the baseline.

Not to derail this, but I have a question. One of my parents hit their head in a fall. They were in good mental and physical health at the time, but the accident called bleeding in the brain. They largely recovered, but water on the brain set in (hydrocephalus) set in and caused dementia. During that period, my parent was very rude and I will say, made an unflattering comment about me.

This comment was consistent with what I believed my parent had always believed about me all along in my life.

So, I am curious, does dementia tend to remove their filters, exposing their true thinking? Or at least, hidden beliefs that their judgment previously hid from view?

I read that SWK, who had dementia in his last days was actually hitting on a couple of the nurses in his hospital based on reports from people close to the situation. I don’t hold him personally responsible or consider it a blight on his prophetship, but I wonder if dementia has the effect of revealing what some of our unspoken impulses are. Things we think, but that our judgment hides from the world. For example, I think every man notices a woman is attractive, but is careful not to say anything that might make them uncomfortable, but in a demented state, this filter may be absent, revealing true thought patterns, unmasked.

Was that your experience, Nibbler? Or perhaps part of the reason the couple that Mike spoke to were so honest about the fact that using their hometeacher was just plain more convenient than being self-reliant?

Their response was: “it’s too inconvenient”.

Sounds on par with a retired guy who was complaining about the line in a fast food place at lunch time. You’d have thought I was graphically suggesting that he do something anatomically unlikely when I pointed out that his schedule was wide open to have lunch at 11AM or 1PM instead of noon.

If none of those things, or others I haven’t thought of are not an issue, then I see it as an example of the membership taking advantage of the goodwill of the members. A time-user that I got tired of dealing with back in my more active days.

Then you get the other extreme; I know we’ve got perfectly able-bodied people in the ward who run their HTs ragged with errands and help requests, but I asked my HTs about a year ago to help me get a mattress up the stairs (easy job for two, PITA for one) because they just happened to show up at the right time, and haven’t seen them since.

Something else happened on Sunday this week.

My DW & I take this same couple to church on Sunday. They live in a nursing home & their daughter takes them sometimes & we do the other times.

This Sunday, we were running a little late. When we get to Church, the husband takes off with his Wife’s walker. I think he wanted to get a good seat

up front. His Wife was trying to navigate without the walker & was having a difficult time. She started to get dizzy & started to fall. Luckily I was

standing close to her. As she started to fall, I grabbed her under the arms & lifted her to her feet before she hit the parking lot. The Husband see this

happening & comes back with the walker. Now I’m a hero.

I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again, God has a great sense of humor.