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A little history on the holiday I quickly googled…US Mother’s Day holiday…
wiki wrote:The modern holiday of Mother’s Day was first celebrated in 1908, when Anna Jarvis held a memorial for her mother at St Andrew’s Methodist Church in Grafton, West Virginia. Today St Andrew’s Methodist Church now holds the International Mother’s Day Shrine.[6] Her campaign to make “Mother’s Day” a recognized holiday in the United States began in 1905, the year her mother, Ann Reeves Jarvis, died. Ann Jarvis had been a peace activist who cared for wounded soldiers on both sides of the American Civil War, and created Mother’s Day Work Clubs to address public health issues. Anna Jarvis wanted to honor her mother by continuing the work she started and to set aside a day to honor all mothers, because she believed that they were “the person who has done more for you than anyone in the world”.[citation needed]
In 1908, the US Congress rejected a proposal to make Mother’s Day an official holiday, joking that they would have to proclaim also a “Mother-in-law’s Day”. However, owing to the efforts of Anna Jarvis, by 1911 all US states observed[clarification needed] the holiday, with some of them officially recognizing Mother’s Day as a local holiday,[7] the first being West Virginia, Jarvis’ home state, in 1910. In 1914, Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation designating Mother’s Day, held on the second Sunday in May, as a national holiday to honor mothers.[8]
Although Jarvis was successful in founding Mother’s Day, she became resentful of the commercialization of the holiday. By the early 1920s, Hallmark Cards and other companies had started selling Mother’s Day cards.
…Hallmark…they had a good business strategy to embed themselves in culture to create their demand…didn’t they…(think Valentine’s Day too!).
I am thinking of ways to make my wife honored and remembered by our children, and how to express to my mother the things I’m truly grateful for over the years on the things she taught me and how she was a stay at home mom and took care of us all, always teaching us new foods to eat and how to keep our ears clean. I like the holiday to remember these good things.
I have a bit of a problem for my kids, however. My son and daughter have a strained relationship with their mom. Family issues prior to the divorce, through the divorce, and after the divorce have given our family things to deal with. In a good way, now they have 2 moms (biological and step-mom). They see differences, they always respect the role the mother plays.
But as much as I like the holiday for us to remember and celebrate Mother’s in our world, I am not sure how others deal with the holiday when there are less than loving feelings with a mother, sometimes for very good reasons.
Other times I think of women sitting in church listening to kids talk about moms, and knowing they will never have kids, and never hear those words, despite righteous desires for being a mother.
How do you all work through situations where family circumstances are different, and vary, and yet…make the most of a well-meaning holiday to celebrate mothers, despite circumstances?
What are the topics in church that you find the hardest to hear on this holiday? Should the church do things differently to be more inclusive of all women?
Anyone else think of these things?
I don’t know about church wide (or in the countries that celebrate Mother’s Day) but in my ward they hand out brownies to all the women in the ward shortly after SM is over. It doesn’t matter if someone is a mother or not, it becomes a sort of a Women’s Day. It’s a very small thing but out of small things… All the talks are usually always about mothers, I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed a Mother’s Day where the theme was on tithing or some such. Usually talks I hear in church are about our mothers (or mothers in the scriptures) which is much more inclusive than talks about being a mother. I’ve even heard speakers address people that can’t or don’t have children directly.
I’ll have to think about your other questions. It sounds a lot like attending the family get together for Thanksgiving out of obligation when there’s a rift in the family.
Heber13 wrote:But as much as I like the holiday for us to remember and celebrate Mother’s in our world, I am not sure how others deal with the holiday when there are less than loving feelings with a mother, sometimes for very good reasons.
Other times I think of women sitting in church listening to kids talk about moms, and knowing they will never have kids, and never hear those words, despite righteous desires for being a mother.
It’s hard for me to articulate my thoughts on this subject, they are related to things that were going through my mind when I decided to revisit the issues that I had placed on my shelf. I don’t mean to be insensitive to anyone going through either of those problems, I just want to try to explain what was going through my mind at the time I wrestled with these issues, well… wrestled with these issues more than I still do today.
There’s the saying “be pitiful, for every man is fighting a hard battle.” We don’t always choose life’s battles, many times we are a victim of circumstance. We may have an abusive parent, we may be infertile, we may have any number of problems over which we have no say and no control. Sometimes life deals us a bad hand.
Maybe I misunderstood Christianity from the very beginning. I viewed the atonement as a panacea, something that would resolve all the world’s problems (as I viewed them) after we died. Suffer well and everything will be ironed out in the next life. The whole thing started to feel like a plan of happiness deferment at best and at worst an imagined fantasy land where all the dreams of the downtrodden are fulfilled. I started to feel like our time here on earth was mostly invalidated.
What is the innermost desire of someone that has an abusive mother? To have had a “normal” mother? What is the innermost desire of the infertile? To have children? These are examples of battles that come to us, battles over which we have no control. Intellectually the way forward appears to be letting go of wishing for a better lot in life and accepting the raging battles as a fact of life; following that path emotionally however is the trial called life.
I’m still on my journey, I haven’t figured out anything. Before I probably viewed the gospel, the atonement, or whatever you want to call it as something that would calm the storms of life. Now I view it as something to help me find peace while the battles rage on. Easier believed that lived.
Heber13 wrote:How do you all work through situations where family circumstances are different, and vary, and yet…make the most of a well-meaning holiday to celebrate mothers, despite circumstances?
This is going to sound cold, sorry in advance. You endure it. Many people will have their happy Mother’s Day but for others it will be a trial. We don’t get to choose our trials. Sometimes it’s our turn to suffer while others party around us, sometimes we’re a part of the party and are oblivious to the lone sufferer.
Heber13 wrote:What are the topics in church that you find the hardest to hear on this holiday?
On Mother’s Day? Stripling warriors. I’m just easing the tension, but seriously… it’s cliché.
You mentioned being estranged with a mother and being infertile. I bet some other topics that are hard for people are gender roles and placing emphasis on mothers being in the home but not everyone is in a position (or has the desire) to do so.
Heber13 wrote:Should the church do things differently to be more inclusive of all women?
I don’t know. How’s that for an answer?
Heber13 wrote:Anyone else think of these things?
Every day of my life brother.
These are tough questions. I think it’s extremely difficult for other to really see what it’s like from the point of view of the single woman or married woman who can’t have children. Then there are those who don’t want to have children for whatever reason. I used to think the latter group were selfish, but I have come to recognize there might be legitimate reasons for making such a choice. There is also the point of view of the children (including adult children) whose mother is not a saint (as in “My mother was a saint”). How do we who have mothers who loved them possibly relate to those who had abusive situations and really don’t want to have anything to do with their mother? What about those who never even had a mother figure? Or what about those whose mother figure was not their biological mother? Our Mother’s Day SM is probably much like they are elsewhere. The talks are about mothers, the Primary sings, and all women get little gifts after the meeting. (My ward actually goes all out and they get little gift baskets, and all the men get a brunch on Father’s Day.)
I was not raised in the church and I was raised by my grandparents. I know my mother, she is more like an aunt to me. Our family is not close, I have siblings (who were raised by our mother) who I have not seen or spoken to in decades. As a YSA in the church I didn’t really pay much attention on Mother’s Day, and as a married guy it became important to my nuclear family. We, of course, looking forward to our missionary Skype on Sunday.
Nevertheless, I have thought about those I mention in the first paragraph. Could we do better? I’ve been in a ward where they skipped Easter, but I have never heard of an American ward skipping Mother’s Day. Why is that? Father’s Day also bugs me to an extent, and I do recall all those lessons about how to be a good father when I was single. I think we could do better, but I don’t know how unless we skip it altogether – but that doesn’t eliminate mothers/fathers/family from the rhetoric, either.
I’m so glad you posted about this because I’ve been clicking around reading about Ann Jarvis. What a woman! And then Anna Jarvis ends up getting arrested for her protest against the commercialization of the holiday. Overall, we would be better without Mother’s Day, I think. Because it’s not just the commercialization, it’s the generalization – all mothers are wonderful, yours, too; all women are mothers, what, not you?; all women want to be mothers, etc. Even in the same family, we don’t all have the same mother. We have such different experiences. I just try to be grateful for the good things about my mom and overcome my “family of origin” tendency to not say, “I love you.” Because one thing
beinga mother has taught me: that’s all we really want on the second Sunday of May. And if, for whatever reason, those words can’t be said, just the smallest gesture that acknowledges the bond and perhaps the hope that it will strengthened in the future….
Ann wrote:Overall, we would be better without Mother’s Day
I have to disagree due to one point. If we didn’t have mother’s day, then that would mean that I only get to talk to my kids on their mission on Christmas!🙂 It is hard enough as it is with only 2 times a year.LookingHard wrote:Ann wrote:Overall, we would be better without Mother’s Day
I have to disagree due to one point. If we didn’t have mother’s day, then that would mean that I only get to talk to my kids on their mission on Christmas!🙂 It is hard enough as it is with only 2 times a year.That’s a whole other topic, but the idea of missionaries only calling twice a year is so archaic, even Draconian (and dare I say cultish?). Missionaries from countries that don’t celebrate Mother’s Day or celebrate something similar at another time of year don’t seem to really get it – but they’re happy to be able to call home so they let it go.
Such thoughtful responses. Thanks. I wish I had more time to go through them all. I will try to find time. But just want to tip my hat at you all…you’re awesome. nibbler wrote:There’s the saying “be pitiful, for every man is fighting a hard battle.” We don’t always choose life’s battles, many times we are a victim of circumstance.
…
We don’t get to choose our trials. Sometimes it’s our turn to suffer while others party around us, sometimes we’re a part of the party and are oblivious to the lone sufferer.
:angel: DarkJedi wrote:Our family is not close, I have siblings (who were raised by our mother) who I have not seen or spoken to in decades. As a YSA in the church I didn’t really pay much attention on Mother’s Day, and as a married guy it became important to my nuclear family.
That’s a good example of what nibbler mentioned on how we adapt.
What would Jesus have done on Father’s Day? His family is not anything close to “typical”.
Ann wrote:Overall, we would be better without Mother’s Day, I think. Because it’s not just the commercialization, it’s the generalization – all mothers are wonderful, yours, too; all women are mothers, what, not you?; all women want to be mothers, etc.
Even in the same family, we don’t all have the same mother. We have such different experiences. I just try to be grateful for the good things about my mom and overcome my “family of origin” tendency to not say, “I love you.” Because one thing being a mother has taught me: that’s all we really want on the second Sunday of May.
Bingo!
:clap: THanks for sharing.
It means a lot to my wife, so, no matter how else I feel about it, it is important to me. Fascinating information, btw.
I’m really glad this post was here because I have been thinking about this all day. Today was the first time I attended SM/church in almost two years. My sister was performing a duet in her ward, so my parents and I attended for support. In the days leading up to it, I also saw it as a chance to gauge how I feel and think about being out of the church/inactive/what have you. She attends a student/singles ward in Utah County, so I understood the setting from the get go. However, it was more of a frustrating meeting than I anticipated.
There were three speakers total. The first two speakers had the topic of Mother’s Day, seemingly. The first one was mostly forgettable. She gave vague recollections of her mother, and also applied her experience to the congregation. Nothing egregious, but not very enthralling either. The second speaker was even less interesting. It seemed to be the standard formula of regurgitating phrases and ideas that had been given in GC. Over and over and over. What really got my cauldron bubbling was the bishopric member constantly reminding us that motherhood was next to godhood and that all the current and future mothers in the congregation were special. My eyes widened a considerable amount for a sustained time period and I considered walking out to take a break. I should note that it’s not motherhood that I take issue with. It was the cliched and easily digestible tidbits that were spouted like they were golden nuggets. I felt little vulnerability and connection from the two speakers (of note, the third speaker was much more open, personable, and showed vulnerability – even though it wasn’t deep contextually, I felt safe in listening to him because I felt that he had put real parts of himself into his talk). I’m unsure of the influence the holiday had on the speaker’s talks, I’m guessing it had at least a small amount on the content given the topic, but it was very difficult to sit through. As a single, non-married, childless woman, it was incredibly difficult to hear people who knew me not espouse that my highest calling in life was that of mother and that they knew that I would make it there and be great.
Also of note, I have a difficult time with holidays in general. These days they feel more or less like empty traditions that people think about briefly. For me, at this point in my life, I feel quite utilitarian in my view of holidays, meaning that unless I make them into something valuable, I can do without.
DancingCarrot, I’m sorry to hear it was a rough day for you. I was thinking of situations like yours and wondering, as nibbler said, how you endure it. I’m not sure there is much a solution for it, except perhaps to comfort each other, be compassionate to others, and remind church members that it is not always easy to hear. Knowing you feel that way, I am certain there are others in your ward that feel the same, if not about this topic, than about their own personal trials and issues. I try to keep that in mind as I try to conduct myself with the tribe, wondering if my understanding of these feelings helps me reach out or lift others, just as I need to be lifted often also…and find some typical mormon regurgitated lessons or talks just don’t do it for me or speak to my spirit. I am certain others feel that way, and silently suffer.
DancingCarrot wrote:As a single, non-married, childless woman, it was incredibly difficult to hear people who knew me not espouse that my highest calling in life was that of mother and that they knew that I would make it there and be great.
I’m sorry you feel this way. Virtual hugs to you. The one message I feel strongly about is that while others will fail to understand your situation, others of us have felt like you, and the answer is to truly understand that God does not see you that way.
You are great now, today, as you are.Elder Wirthlin wrote:Tied to this misconception is the erroneous belief that all members of the Church should look, talk, and be alike. The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony. All of Heavenly Father’s children are different in some degree, yet each has his own beautiful sound that adds depth and richness to the whole.
This variety of creation itself is a testament of how the Lord values all His children. He does not esteem one flesh above another, but He “inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; … all are alike unto God.”
Your path is your own. You have abilities and strengths and God doesn’t just value the piccolos…those mothers who seem to fit the mold talked about often on these holidays.
No…the beauty you bring to the ward and community is because you have your own sound to add to the orchestra.
Believe that as truth. I think others in the ward need to hear that message and be reminded of that over and over. We can’t conform to one way of being mormon. We are individuals, with individual talents and strengths. You are you, and don’t need to be different to be great. God is just fine with you and how you are, others should be too…or that is their problem.
We can celebrate mothers who have their value in what they do, while not setting it up to be the ONLY way to be a valued woman in this world or in eternity. It just doesn’t work that way. God is greater than that.
Hope you continue to share your thoughts with us. I enjoy learning from your posts.
I think it’s good to remember Mothers day I find it monotonous though. I never know what to do to make is special for my wife. I end up buying cards, a flower or bouquet, some chocolates, and making sure the kids do it. There are times they forget Fathers Day and it makes me a bit sad. When my wife was unable to have children, we skipped Mothers Day. It was too stressful for me wife. Mixed bag, but I think we are better of with it…
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