Don’t Avoid the Bruises

Ray, I’ve never thought about the temple that way before. I like it.

The quote you gave, is that yours or someone else?

The quote is one my wife shared with me – that she saw on Facebook. It was non-attributed, so I have no idea who said it originally.

Just to be clear, at heart, this isn’t primarily about the temple; rather, it is about life, generally. I wanted to share the insight about the endowment in this context, but the point I wanted to make is far broader than that more narrow example.

I just know most people here are bruised and scarred in some way, and I wanted to tell each of you how much I admire you.

But you should only get the bruise from a specific place once. Then you should learn from your mistakes and not get them again. If you know that something is going to bruise you, because you’ve learned from past episodes, then you don’t do that thing again. The scars you have will show that you are willing to put yourself out there and try something new and maybe get hurt. I don’t believe the original quote is to have somebody go back to the original harm over and over again to get more scars.

But Ray, I understand what you are trying to do, and maybe getting scars in the temple is worth it.

I don’t believe the original quote is to have somebody go back to the original harm over and over again to get more scars.

Yes, I agree with that. If an individual is at a place where to go to church is to open old wound and deepen trauma then nobody here would fault them for no longer going to church. A gay individual is an easy example of this where they may find something that dismisses and dehumanizes their lived experience each and every week at church.

I also know that some rewards require multiple attempts and bruises. Athletes have that experience, as well as chefs. Even kids learning to ride a bike or skating get to choose if they want to keep trying and get banged up or not.

This is closer to my personal experience. I have “biffed it” in the past and I have the scars to prove it. I “got back onto the horse” but now I am more prepared. I now wear a helmet and other protective equipment. I make the horse travel at my own pace and pull back on the reins when it starts moving at a speed that I am uncomfortable with. I now know better where the pitfalls of the course are and I can choose to walk around them should I need to.

I might never be the same me of yesteryear that threw caution to the wind and let the wind rush through my hair. Now I am the overly cautious elderly man driving 20 MPH in a 45 zone with my blinker on the whole time. Yes, I have a few scars on me, and I am not anxious to get any new ones, but I am still here.

Again, I used the temple example to make a point about staying a course to the end, not specifically to say everyone or anyone needs to attend the temple.

I understand completely that some things are so damaging that to continue doing them amounts to masochism – but we all continue to incur bruises and scars for things/people we love and value (like spouses, children, jobs, friends, etc.). Real life occurs between the extremes, and avoiding bruises and scars will result in a painless and mostly useless, valueless existence. For some people, leaving the Church of their spouse or family would cause others more pain than staying does to them, and avoiding the bruises of staying while knowingly inflicting worse bruises and scars is not a good thing.

Coping mechanisms (like Roy mentioned) can do a lot to lessen the impact of formerly hurtful things – and even things that continue to be somewhat painful.

I also will point out that things like faith crises can result in some people picking at scabs and not allowing them to heal – and even, in some cases, self cutting. Trying to avoid all bruising and scarring often has unintended consequences, so NOBODY should insist on anyone else doing what is best for the person doing the insisting – with some obvious exceptions at the extremes.

FS:

Your YouTube video link started out with a ad that included zombies ..

It was perfect!

Wow! That was even better than I intended. 😆

There was a time, when I first joined the Church, where I believed that if I did my best in keeping the commandments, I was entitled to

receive blessings, insight, spiritual support, answers to prayers, etc. I now believe that I was completely wrong.

This life was meant to be hard. (I’ve said this before in other posts.)

There will be times when we feel alone.

There will be times when we will be tested.

There will be times when the leadership (GA’s, Bishops, friends, etc) will not have the answers or even empathy.

So, what do we do next? I tried anger & that really didn’t work. It got worse.

The only answer I can come up with is: be patient. Over time things change for the better.

It’s the waiting that’s the hardest part.

I don’t avoid the bruises but I don’t look for them.

I won’t wear them as a badge of courage either.