Any Hope or Comfort?

I have. It’s not easy, and I don’t think it probably works the same for any two individuals. My signature line contains the sentence “In the absence of faith or knowledge there is always hope.” That is a summary of my years long struggle, and struggle I’m not sure will ever completely resolve. There is hope, but you have to hold onto it even when it seems like it’s useless and not worth it. I just quoted this last Sunday in a talk I gave:

I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross.

On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.

Those evil men who sought His life rejoiced. Now that Jesus was no more, surely those who followed Him would disperse. On that day they stood triumphant.

On that day the veil of the temple was rent in twain.

Mary Magdalene and Mary, the mother of Jesus, were both overcome with grief and despair. The superb man they had loved and honored hung lifeless upon the cross.

On that Friday the Apostles were devastated. Jesus, their Savior—the man who had walked on water and raised the dead—was Himself at the mercy of wicked men. They watched helplessly as He was overcome by His enemies.

On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.

It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.

I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.

But the doom of that day did not endure.

The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.

And in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.

Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.

(Joseph B. Wirthlin, GC Oct. 2006)

Sunday will come, my brother.

Shawn,

I think we’re in a similar place right now. I’m more agnostic now about my belief in God. I do resonate with the teachings and life of Christ, whether they are historical or not. But I absolutely struggle with the Church, it’s history, and many of its current leaders, policies and beliefs. I also struggle with anxiety and depression and have done so for years. On and off for 30+ years.

I, like you, am looking for comfort and hope from those that have gone down this path before and made it to a better place. I want to be able to reconcile the pain and anguish that is tearing my soul apart and find peace. I’m trying to hold on and find a way to have very nuanced beliefs and practices that work for me, but I don’t know how much longer I can hang on. Perhaps this is not the path for me to find peace after all.

I feel for you brother! You are not alone.

Hang in their, friend. Are you seeing a professional and/or taking medication?

I have seen many doctors and psychologists over the last 16 years and I’ve been on many different medications. Last year I decided I was sick and tired of it all and quit taking meds. I confess that may have been a mistake and I am thinking about seeing my doctor again.

Yes, but I think I am not as far down in my journey as I first thought I would. I have no faith in the truthfulness of the lds church, but I can see it does great things for people and it helps many. I do want to continue to associate with the members of my ward. I don’t know about Christ, but I have to admit when I am following the core tenants of loving others, I feel good and feel I am doing good. So that is what I am choosing.

I am sorry for your sorrow. I have had bouts of depression but I have never had it intensive for more that a year.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I’m not sure there was a Jesus and if there was I’m not sure he was the Messiah – it could be all symbolic. If it is symbolic, to me the whole of the New Testament (especially the gospels) symbolizes hope.

Some days I’m here, too. But it puts me somewhere real. These people did what they did and wrote what they wrote after tapping into something. I believe it’s still out there for me to connect to, and it doesn’t feel like a fool’s errand to try.

Shawn, I hope the best for you.

Consider keeping your faith general…rather than believing in a specific form of God, or even Christ, hope for those things without setting your heart on it or REQUIRING it to be true to produce comfort.

Have faith that God will make things right in the end. I have faith that after this life is over, good things will happen to me for the sacrifices I have made in this life. For the goodness of my heart, that God will overlook many of my sins that are the result of my own weakness, my frustration in changing those weaknesses, or my life’s circumstances. Keep it very general and at that level, and don’t tie any Church-related “shoulds” to it.

I think that provides a degree of help and hope and happiness.

This sounds kind of morbid, but this next attitude conditioner also brings me peace. I sort of look forward to the day that I pass on from this life as I have hope that at that time, many good things will happen — freedom from my body for one, which torments me in a number of ways with health related and other concerns daily. I think the body has a big impact on depression, and to know we will be free of our bodies for a while in the next life is a source of hope for me of better days and more comfort.

There will be a new set of circumstances to figure out, and there HAS to be some indication of whether what we hear at church is true when we pass on to the next life. If we are STILL in the dark about most things, or find that we DO have bodies before the resurrection, or if there is no evidence of “spirit prison and spirit paradise” without doing mental gymnastics, I will take that as evidence a lot of the doctrine from JS was made up. If there are clear indications those places exist, then great, it will help increase my faith. So, when they day comes that I move on to the next phase of existence (through natural means, I would not take my own life), I think I will be closer to the truth. So, I look forward to that day.

SilentDawning, I am thinking about what you wrote. I once had faith and hope in the afterlife, but now I’m just afraid.

I’m quite sure my depression and anxiety are made worse by this faith crisis.