Interesting lunch with a friend

So pleased to hear that he was able to give you excellent input.

Nice. Thanks for sharing.

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It was very enlightening how similar this sounds to what many devout Mormon’s have gone through. Even the advice to me was the same: Realize the next church isn’t going to be perfect either, make sure your wife knows foremost that you love her, etc.

I want to share what happened to me in the larger community. Some of you know I have substituted humanitarian work for church service.

In the first non-profit I was in, I was subject to heavy criticism behind my back from a public official. It was devastating, the motives he prescribed for a presentation I gave at a community organization — after I had worked so hard for the local community and was there for pure motives. Further, the aide of a different elected official walked out of one of my meetings, with derogatory comments to everyone she met on the way out. I was labelled a bit of a leper, particularly after consulting my mentor, and the president of our organization, and agreeing she should be removed from our committee, which I did. I still have after effects (loss of priviledge, for example) as a result of that action as people then backed away from me for taking on the center of power.

In the next non-profit I moved to, the last problem I shared above followed me. And further, after I co-founded a regular revenue stream for the non-profit, their Board “gave me a hard time”, as one person put it. I won’t go into it, but I resigned from their board after what I felt was some awful exclusionary tactics, shocking disrespect, backstabbling, etcetera. It was reminiscent of the abuse that members face in their church in callings — taken for granted, and sometimes, treated very badly. I took comfort that after some of the untoward people left that non-profit, I was asked to partner with that organization, and head up some big projects. I am still deciding if I want that given the history.

I eventually founded my own little non-profit, and am now at peace, with a strong volunteer focus, co-missioning, and avoiding the problems I faced in the other non-profits by the way I lead. It has a very unique organization with 95% show rate for volunteers at meetings, all staffed with highly intelligent, reliable, achieving, well-educated volunteers. It is like Zion in volunteerism. I am thankful that my trials in the church led me here. I am so very proud and full of respect for the people I work with, even though they too have their problems and weaknesses. But I believe that if you asked the volunteers, they too could cite problems.

I share these things not for support, or angst. I have been pursuing humanitarian work for three years now and I don’t think I’ve mentioned any of the problems here on StayLDS or asked for much support — other than to pick people’s brains in the beginning about how to expect a certain level of commitment from volunteers while also respecting their volunteerism.

I mention these problems simply to indicate that yes, there are problems — interpersonal, and otherwise — in all organizations, even volunteer ones with humanitarian missions. In fact, I found that interpersonal skills were consistently higher in the church than in the secular non-profits, as many people in the secular non-profits appeared to have been without a clear life philosophy (I assume) did not seem to have the same interest in relationships that we see in the church. That opened my eyes. One person in the second non-profit openly described himself as a “bitch on a chain” and behaved that way. I don’t think I ever saw such naked disregard for interpersonal relationships in the church as I did from that man, and one of his cohorts.

On the other hand, I found these trials in the secular non-profits much easier to handle than in the church. I think it’s because of the high expectations the church seems to raise for itself in claiming a divine commission etcetera. Further, progress is SO MUCH easier in these non-profits. I found there is an absence of restricting policy, lots of “unoccupied space” you can occupy with your passions and do a lot of good quickly. There is freedom to create and build things according to your own schema, without believing you are violating “inspired administration or policy” like we see in the church every time you think outside the box.

But to get back to the point — problems exist in all churches. WE have some unique ones in our church, I believe, but the grass is probably not greener in a different church. Its certainly not greener in secular non-profits, although I wouldn’t trade my experiences in these non-profits for a return to church service — at least not in the near future. I haven’t ruled out a Road to Damascus experience in the future. Being agnostic about the church and its truth claims puts you in a position where you can’t make definitive, uncategorical statements about where your commitment may lie in the future