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Hi all, it’s been awhile since I’ve stopped by. Been trying to work things out with therapy and medication and it’s interesting that the lows are not so low anymore but the issues are still issues no matter what they try to convince me of. I know that people are lovingly trying to help me get thru things but most solutions are band-aids, the final stretch will be on my own. I have identified three definite issues that contribute to my disappointment with life (for lack of a better description), employment, marriage and church. I recently found a good paying stable job and the home life has improved lots, although I still have some hard feelings about the past (just being honest). The third issue is why I come here, for me church will never be the same. After sacrament, SS and HP meeting last week I went home thinking how is it possible for something so beautiful to be ruined by people who want to challenge my emotions constantly. It’s like emotions are the catalyst for spirituality and it just makes me stiffen up. BTW I am SS President, I enjoy it and do the best I can. My therapist is at the LDS Family Counseling center since it’s hard to find someone knowledgeable about the church dynamics outside and last appointment I went a little deeper about my frustration with the church. Don’t know what I expected, I certainly didn’t expect to hear him agree with everything I said but he started fidgeting and was visibly uncomfortable and then, wait for it, he said do you read scriptures and pray daily? If you did it would answer your questions. The short answer is yes, I still pray daily although not as earnestly as I used to, and DW and I read scriptures together almost every day. So he kind of backed me into a corner with that even though I totally expected it at some time. Don’t really know how to answer without saying I don’t put all my hopes in that.
Would like to know what you all think about my stubbornness and maybe offer some advice going forward. Also, I didn’t mention this site in particular but I did say I participated in a community forum where I get lots of answers I wouldn’t find anywhere else. He was supportive and suggested I continue.
Thanks for all you have helped me with in the past. Progress is unbalanced but moving forward.
Glad you stopped by and thanks for the update. I have many of the same frustrations right now, although I don’t have a good stable well paying job but I do think my marriage has stabilized from what it was a couple years back. I actually think it’s kind of sad that you got the “pray and read the scriptures” thing from a counselor but as you said it wasn’t totally unexpected. And it is interesting to note that he didn’t discourage participation here – sometimes more orthodox LDS folks would discourage being here. I have indeed been described as stubborn before and I am guilty – but being stubborn can be a good thing in the right circumstances. Perhaps being stubborn in not wanting to lose all faith is one of those circumstances. I’m glad you feel you’re making progress. If it is like mine, it is very slow. SS president is a good calling, and it is about to become a little more involved and give the opportunity for some real leadership – someone like you can have some positive influence.
You’re always welcome here. :thumbup: You’re going to a therapist and you’re trying to work things out. That doesn’t sound like being stubborn to me, that sounds like taking the initiative.
Kipper wrote:After sacrament, SS and HP meeting last week I went home thinking how is it possible for something so beautiful to be ruined by people who want to challenge my emotions constantly.
Other people aren’t the authority about how you feel, own your feelings. Don’t forget to validate your own feelings.
Kipper wrote:My therapist is at the LDS Family Counseling center since it’s hard to find someone knowledgeable about the church dynamics outside
Kipper, I can only speak about my own experiences. Yours are different, of course. But I found that for me, a key factor in getting past it all was to realize that I was focusing too close in. My issue wasn’t the Kinderhook Plates, Polygamy, the Ban; my issue was the loss of a sense of purpose, feelings of in-authenticity, uncertainty about my relationships. My therapist wasn’t LDS, but he didn’t need to be for me to solve the problems that really ailed me. Once I let go of trying to figure out the Church and starting trying to figure me out, I started to see improvement. Now, I don’t constantly compare and contrast as I once did. I let people have their faith and I have mine and we share some common experiences and bonds. What I’m trying to say is that you might consider a non-LDS therapist and don’t bother diving deep into the frustrations about the Church itself, but into yourself instead; freed from the Church dynamic.Kipper wrote:I know that people are lovingly trying to help me get thru things but most solutions are band-aids, the final stretch will be on my own.
I really like how you said that…that really sounds like personal revelation to me. Some call it “enduring to the end”. The last stretch will be on our own to figure it out…and won’t always get validation from others who are on their own. The good part is…you CAN make it your own. And can make it work.
Kipper wrote:I am SS President, I enjoy it and do the best I can.
What a great opportunity to serve, in a calling about studying and teaching. Using the materials available…there are some good things you can do in that calling to help others. I hope it is positive for you.
Kipper wrote:My therapist is at the LDS Family Counseling center since it’s hard to find someone knowledgeable about the church dynamics outside
I have been to LDS counselors and non-LDS. I think you can find good help in both….and of course, there are crappy therapists in both. If the therapist isn’t helping you…look for others to find someone you connect with. Some non-LDS therapist may not know LDS specifics, but they will know the trends and signs and issues. Sometimes that even may be of benefit so they don’t go to…”Do you pray?” and instead, approach real emotional issues with real emotional perspectives. It all depends on what works for you. But I wouldn’t assume that a non-LDS therapist couldn’t grasp the ideas of a struggling mormon who questions bible historicity or doctrine. Those are common issues across religions, I think.
Just a thought.
Thanks for stopping by. It sounds like you are in a better place. That is good to hear. Even if…the last stretch means you keep coming back here to endure with us all.
Thank you all for the thoughtful replies and welcome. Believe me I have read and will re-read every one, there is plenty to take away as usual to help and add to my cure. I still feel fragile cautious but definitely in a better place. I heard once before that I need to figure me out and it struck a chord. Have some errands to run now to I have to cut short but really, thank you.
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