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Did any of you struggle with changing the way you think? I have a very moldable personality. Growing up some of you may remember I was very open to the church’s teachings and never questioned things and very easily believed whatever the church taught or what my parents taught me. My parents were quite controlling and opinionated so with my personality type, I just went with things and believed what they believed. They are super political so I grew up having the same political views as them and never even looked into different views until I got married and was out of their house. I look back on myself even in my teenage and college years and I was very moldable and easily influenced by my surroundings. I really dislike it about myself. But now that I have a faith crisis, I’m struggling to get out of that mind frame. There are things that the church teaches are wrong that I can’t bring myself to do. Idk why, there’s this little part of me that still listens to the church teachings. Dumb things like caffeine and cursing. I’ve tried to tell myself that it’s alright to curse when i’m by myself but I can’t even bring myself to do that without struggle. I really want to break free from the things that have been controlling me for so long but I have a hard time still. I want to break down this wall that keeps me from doing things I want to do but have grown being taught were wrong. It’s so hard when so much of who I was before I moved out of my parents house and got married, was structured by the church and my parents. I’ve never really been independent because I moved out and got married right away. I’m a lot more independent than I was before getting married, but part of me still wants to please my husband and the people around me. Have any of you struggled with this? I’m currently in therapy for anxiety and other issues that came from growing up, but I don’t see my counselor very consistently because things have been busy lately. Anyways, how do you change the way you think? It’s so extremely hard :sad face: It is easier to change our ideas on any topic than to change our behavior. It is far more difficult to change our personality, and I would not suggest trying. Maybe you are looking for small changes that can come from developing strengths, I will always applaud that effort, but first make sure you learn to love yourself fully for who you are. You have valuable strengths that are unique to you, find them, cherish them, develop them. I believe that you’re going through what many of us have done (& continue to do) after our FC. We want to believe on our own terms.
Make our own decisions.
And don’t want to always have our decisions & choices made by others.
I have made friends within the church who are “like minded”.
Who keep a confidence.
And are willing to discuss a variety of issues without passing judgement.
We don’t always agree. That’s fine with me.
I also have friends & family who are outside the church.
I do like diversity. We live in the Midwest, in a large city.
The LDS church has less of a societal influence than SLC, for example.
I believe you are on the right path. Everything doesn’t change all at once.
Good Luck.
I find it VERY hard to change the way I think. i think the first thing is to accept yourself the way you are. I had to accept that I sometimes get depressed — learn to be productive and live a good life in spite of the weaknesses you feel you have.
After you do that, then work on being more autonomous in your thinking. It sounds like you mold to circumstances because you really want to please people. I have been there. In families, it’s important to do that to keep peace if there are high expectations of church activity/orthodoxy in the marriage. In that situation it’s tough. But on matters of style, consider asking yourself what you REALLY think. I came out of a period where I had to please people all the time, and it was affecting me. It gave me low self esteem because if I said something that people didn’t agree with, I felt invalidated, or somehow inferior.
I read a self-help book and starting saying exactly what I think, without apology (while applying the usual social filters so not to be an ash-hole to people). It was liberating. I found I got more respect from people. Perhaps I had great ideas all along and they just weren’t exposed to the world? I don’t know — but there is power in being real in your thinking.
I have also cared too much about what other people think. I am not sure how to get past that, but seem to have made progress lately. Part of it comes fatigue — not matter what you do, you have people who will criticize it. I know that that words “Screw You” come to mind now and then people people make harsh comments about my thinking, and for some reason, it helps me think less of what they said. But I don’t recommend that. Another thing is to recognize the source of the comment. Ask a CEO what he thinks of a painting you created and he’d give a business perspective. Ask an artist, then you will get a more credible answer. For part of my life, I felt like crap due to opinions from people who I now realize weren’t qualified to give an opinion. Also, on matters that are personal choice, and that affect YOU AND YOUR day to day life, do what your heart tells you.
I remember once I needed to buy a car for job interviews when I flew to a foreign company. My mentor said I HAD to buy a decent, newer car. I wanted to get a piece of junk I could take to the dump after I was ready to go back to my native country if it didn’t work out (and it didn’t work out!). I went against my instinct, bought the nicer car, and due to mechanical and other problems, lost about $10,000. The $800 junker, for the small distances I had to travel, was adequate. I could park around a corner and walk and no one would see it. The mentor’s advice was awful. After that expensive mistake, I learned to trust my own voice when it came to financial matters.
Good luck.
I’m thinking pretty much what MM said. I think we all struggle with this to some extent or another, and in fact I relate directly with things like swearing and caffeine (among many others). Part of it is just letting go of the guilt – but I know more than anybody how much easier it is to say that than to do it. Your counselor can probably tell you that your core innermost beliefs can’t be changed and you have had them since before you were conscious enough to realize it – they were ingrained in you when you were a very young child. Other things just take some effort because they’re sort of habit. Hang in their and when you focus on what you do believe the things that don’t directly apply and make little sense have a way of taking care of themselves.
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