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Hi everyone! I have made my decision to become inactive in the church. I still believe the gospel of the church, but I completely disagree with how the church is run. A former LDS member told me that I must write a “Do Not Contact” letter. Does anyone know how to do this? This is not a resignation letter- at this point I want to continue to be a member, just not active. I do not want anyone from the church to contact me. I am on the “project” list and the missionaries show up several times a week and members that are not friends come out of the blue. I just two contact me this week asking me if I was coming to some RS thing.
Thanks!
BuffetMormon, Just curious. Could you elaborate on your desire to remain a member but to have no contact with the Church? It seems to me like it would be simpler just to resign, so I’m just wondering what motivates you to stay in the Church at all. It’s fine with me either way, you have to do what you want and I’m not advocating any specific action… but like I said, I’m just curious.
You could probably just shoot a short email or note to your bishop saying you wish not to be contacted at this time. I don’t think it needs to be all that formal, and I don’t think it needs to be in writing actually. The vast majority of bishops will honor your request without question. You can also tell those people coming to your door you don’t wish to be contacted. Hi On My Own, I understand your question. I am really not sure of the answer to your question. I have 2 guesses:
1. I still believe in the gospel- the BOM, the doctrine, etc.
2. I am just not ready to completely leave. This is a big step.
It has been a long time coming and I don’t see going back, but I just don’t think I can walk away completely. What if I regret the decision?
When one gets a divorce, there is a waiting period “just in case”. I don’t think that is where I am- this has been AT LEAST 2 years coming.
Weird, I know.
I agree with DJ, the only caveat is that local leadership is a revolving door. The leadership that hears the request to not contact you will eventually move on, leadership amnesia will set in as new leaders are called, and someone will be on your doorstep again in the future. This is especially true of missionaries. There’s a high turnover with missionaries and a leader may forget to tell new missionaries of your desire not to be contacted – *poof* there’s a new Elder or Sister knocking your door a month after you made the request. I’m just saying you’ll likely have to repeat your request a lot and at times your requests may not appear to be respected.
BuffetMormon, Haha… It doesn’t sound weird at all… not at this site. In fact, it makes perfect sense to me. I wish you well, and hope that whatever you do, you can find peace with it.
I like DJ’s idea of just emailing or texting the bishop. I’ve gotten a lot of traction over the years by acknowledging the goodness of the Church and its people. If I were to write a letter or email asking not to be contacted, I’d probably say something like the following:
“Bishop Smith, I just wanted to let you know that I’ve decided to discontinue my involvement with the Church for now. I don’t really anticipate this changing, but at the same time, I have no desire to resign from the Church. It has meant too much to me during my life for me to turn completely away from it. Who knows, in the future, I might find myself back in Sacrament Meeting. Since I have been attending Church less often, I’ve been contacted by a lot of good and well-meaning members of the ward. I respect completely that they are just trying to help me feel love and encouragement. But while I appreciate the gesture, I prefer not to be contacted. Please let all the appropriate ward organizations know that I want no further contact from the ward. I harbor no ill-will toward anyone, but at this time, I want to live a life completely away from the Church. I hope that in doing so, I will carry so many of the wonderful teachings in my heart and that I will always be true to my upbringing. If, in the future, I want further contact with the Church, I’ll let you (or the future Bishop) know. Thanks in advance. I wish you nothing but the best. Sincerely, On Own Now.”
And as nibbler pointed out, there will be future breaches. The ward is one thing, the missionaries something else. In that situation, I’d invite the missionaries in, give them a drink (of water), express gratitude that they would sacrifice their time to seek me out, and then I would request that when they get back to their apartment, that they write DO-NOT-CONTACT in red letters next to my name in the “area book”. I would reiterate that I’m grateful they stopped by and that I wish them well. Down the road if new missionaries are contacting you frequently, then you can get more bold and ask for the MP’s number and call him or her (we are talking about the future, so “or her” is a possibility).
But the bottom line is this: not one of the people who has contacted you or who will contact you is being paid. They are all taking time out of their personal lives to reach out to you. So, while you need to be direct and firm, I suggest always keeping a friendly and gracious vibe in your communications.
Basically this is called setting boundaries. It is only odd within the church that we have to be so forceful and are made to feel so shameful. Thanks for all your thoughts. The members of the ward have been wonderful. I never felt out of place during my divorce. Many sisters were there for me during that time. (And even now). No one ever offended me.
And I realize that many of the local members are just doing what SLC tells them to do. My problem is really with the higher ups in the church. Although, I actually like Elder Uchtdorf a lot and think the church would undergo some serious policy changes if he ever became prophet. I just can’t continue the way the church is run now.
Thank you again!
Sometimes very short and direct communication is the best. A letter to the bishop could be:
“Bishop, I hope you can understand our current family needs and desires to ask you to please not have anyone from the ward or mission contact us at this time in our life. Any contact will be painful for us. Please respect our wishes on this. Thank you sincerely.”
Short and direct, but kind, should get the bishop who cares to pass that on to the ward council.
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