Speaking up in class

When I read the article, the thing that bothered me the most was the fact that people in the class went overthe teachers head without talking to her first. That communciates a lack of unity, trust, and in my view, lack of respect for the teacher. I DETEST that when it happens to me in non-church contexts. There is a saying in the military that “conflicts should be resolved at the lowest level possible in the organization”. And in this case, that principle was violated. There is good reason for that principle — to spare higher ups the time and distraction of handling matters that could be resolved at their source, to increase trust and unity between individuals, and to prevent misunderstandings.

I would have encouraged the Bishop also, to send those people back to me if they come to him complaining so we can clarify, or so at least I get to hear the person’s position face to face. Also, so I am not left wondering who is going to complain about me in future lessons. Would he, as his line of first attack, please send those people back to me for discussion before getting involved in the future???

I am glad the BP and RS were behind the teacher 100%, but I would have liked to have known, if I was the teacher, what action the BP was going to take to share his support of the teacher. This is because I personally would feel awkward standing in front of the class knowing that so many people had objected. In fact, one aspect of my convo with the BP would be to assess just how many people were texting him. IF it if was just one person, I would care far less than it it was 5 people.

If the BP is NOT going to go back to the person who complained to share his support for me, the teacher, I would also have a frank discussion with the class about what happened in a subsequent class. I would indicate in general terms, that I heard through the BP that some people in the class had complained about our discussion in a previous week regarding women and the priesthood. That I was surprised, and that I would appreciate it deeply that if anyone has concerns in the future, that we talk about them first. That I am thankful the BP and RS supported my approach to the lesson, but that for the sake of unity, of collaboration, and just application of the principle of addressing concerns at their source, I would appreciate direct communication in the future, and if the topic is sensitive, or critical, I would appreciate it in private rather than public. I would give the reasons for it…

If this happened repeatedly, creating a constant tide of conflict and mystery about who the complaining people were, I could consider a release from the calling. And I would make sure the class knew that it was my decision to ask for it, citing some kind of manufactured reason so everyone knew it was not because I was too unorthodoxo or the BP fired me.

As far as speaking up in class about the things that bother me as a participant, not a teacher — yes – that is consistent with what I am expecting from the person who complained in this situation. However, one has to be judicious about speaking up — I prefer remaining silent to EVERYONE, including the BP and the teacher if my views are unorthodox. I prefer private convos with the teacher rather than public ones.

You don’t want to land YOURSELF in the BP’s office for being too contrarion or disrespecting the culture. But if the teacher clearly alienated a class member, with say, an anti-Gay comment, I would be more than willing to indicate that comments about SSA need to be made sensitively, recognizing that some orthodox members have family members who are gay, and struggle with the church’s position on SSA. Their reaction and perspective needs to be addressed sensitively. Indicate that it bothers some people with SSA so much they have been known to take their own lives rather than live a life alone in the church….try to bring an alternative, softening perspective to the lesson publicly.

It’s touchy — how much to say in class — I like to err on the side of quietude.

It could be a simple case of being passive aggressive. We’re good at that.

That was my response, too…nibbler. And leaders respond to that passive aggressive approach instead of teaching them to not be that way or to have more productive direct confrontations. Sometimes the value of going to the bishop is that the bishop has more skill to put it in perspective and only speak up when needed, instead of speak up about every emotional reaction. That saves the ward members from creating an issue when the bishop sees there isn’t one. But it is also passing the buck to the bishop instead of working it out as a class.

I think there are real negatives that can happen when you speak up. It takes tact, and it takes appropriate language to make it productive for everyone’s time, and for respecting the preparation of the teacher. So filters are good. Sometimes keeping thoughts to myself is safe and kind.

However…there can be growth by speaking up and practicing how to frame my thoughts to convey uplifting messages to others, even if it reveals doubts or alternative thinking.

It is also passive aggressive, and somewhat cowardly, for me to say nothing in class but only come to this board and post thoughts anonymously. I should be at church to work on how to know how and when to speak up, and share my views with the forum here to get support also.

I pick my battles. I try to build social capital with others in the ward. I view myself as part of the ward, not outside looking in. It means my views are valid…but so are others. So I take turns, sometimes speaking up, sometimes shutting up and listening.

Others can work out their own experience at church.

There are some good quotes in that article, Ann. Thanks for helping me think about it.

When it comes to speaking up I’ve often struggled with feelings of “why bother?” I’m just some idiot sitting in the corner of a meaningless class in a town no one has ever heard of (dust in the wind).

That said I do believe that one idle comment can give hope to the hopeless. Hearing Uchtdorf’s Come, Join with Us talk may have forever changed the course of my life. I had never heard a conference talk like that before and it came to the right person in the precise moment it was needed.

When to speak? I don’t know. I’m not a skilled comment maker. This may help me better determine my motivations for why I want to speak up in class and only doing so when I feel the answers are satisfactory:

…because he has nothing to prove, people can trust his words.

because he doesn’t know who he is, people recognize themselves in him.

because he has no goal in mind, everything he does succeeds…

I truly wish that we had a culture where we are encouraged to DISCUSS more – church would be so much more enjoyable and maybe we could learn about accepting the experiences or others who differ from us and decide to love them in spite of it.

I am selective on what I will say in class, but I will always speak up when the overarching theme of “righteous us versus the the rest of the world” comes up. I don’t know – I just become overcome with passion when that arises in class. I feel an obligation to try tearing down walls and helping all to realize that ALL are part of God’s family and deserve love and respect, even if we all don’t fit in the mold of the Church.

It can, and has, caused a tense moment or two in some HPG lessons I have been in, but I can’t stop myself sometimes Last Sunday, a staunchly orthodox visitor brought up homosexuals saying he helped by praying and going to the temple (good start, but the rest of what he said was offensive and showed complete ignorance on his part). My response was that we, as a Church, have done a rather poor job at loving and accepting this group and that we needed to improve. It made him pretty upset that I said the Church could do a “poor job” and he countered with some argument about at which point I did not respond – it had gone far enough

The interesting thing was that one of his younger relatives who was in the class commented that he agreed with me and that we needed to focus on loving others more.

I don’t know, I just feel like I have to speak up sometimes and represent those who get picked on.

I always speak up in class. Being a former bishop of the ward, I’m given a little more leeway than most I would assume. In fact, it is so normal for me to speak up on anything controversial or historical, that when a question does come up, the class will look at me if I’ve not already said something.

I wish more of the former Bishops in our Ward spoke up in class. Sheldon, Are former Bishops instructed to be quiet & not impose their “will” in

class discussions? Just curious.

I am not aware of that, but I think many of them (the one’s not aiming for SP) are just tired of being in the spotlight and would rather blend in. That plus they know their words carry a lot of sway.

I’m curious if anyone spoke up in class today and if so, how it went?