Mini rant to bishop

I don’t know if you’re asking for advice, but you did post in the support section. Don’t send it. If you feel you must get some stuff off your chest make an appointment with the bishop and explain your feelings. Leave you doubts and accusations out of the equation, just tell him you feel your needs aren’t being met. Ask him who your home and visiting teachers are and let him know you need their support. My 2 cents worth.

Some leaders really miss their opportunities to do good.

Hopefully those 4 or 5 that did talk to you know what is up and can be your friends and support. If not…seems like it would be hard to keep going to that ward.

Sorry!

Let us know if the bishop responds at all.

Personally, I am a big believer in writing letters I will never send. I agree this should be one of them.

I understand, in part, what you are going through. Some wards are absolutely wonderful, full of love, with everybody willing to help. Some are not. And some are simply full of introverted, Christ-like people who would help if only they knew what was going on. My current ward was one of the latter, plus had a ward council with terrible communication skills. As frustrating as it is, I hope you understand that your experience and your hurt isn’t coming from malice; only weakness.

Thanks for the advice. I was super frustrated when I wrote it. I think I’m just tired of the whole church experience. For the record I went in on my crutches so there is no way they couldn’t have known I was hurt.

I haven’t heard from ht or by since I moved into the ward. The last time I asked for help I asked for a simple food order. They wanted 13 hours of service, for one food order. Made me not want to ask in this situation.

I wouldn’t send it either. I would also consider removing your real name from the post above just so you have anonyminity in case someone searches on your name on the internet at large — for your own benefit. If you are comfortable with it there, fine, but it’s something I personally guard very closely. But the letter — it’s good to write out your feelings but not send the letter….

I agree with Minyan Man that people would start coming up to you, and it would feel insincere. I personally would feel it was obligatory and would come away from it all feeling hollow because they were only doing it because I complained.

As far as how to handle the situation — i empathize with the frustration one feels with the repetitive, endless experience of Mormonism. Many of us feel ‘on the outs”.

I realize my advice is only one person’s advice, but lately, I have settled into a pattern where I try not to need people for anything. They disappoint too often. I have instead found solace in keeping my thoughts peaceful, where possible. In keeping my surroundings neat and tidy, and in doing good to the extent I am able given my circumstances. Also, avoiding situations that provide me with angst and unhappiness. I spend most of my day doing things I like, although there is always administrative drudgery and problems to deal with (broken cars, unhappy family members now and then, messes). So, the sooner you can learn to feel at peace with yourself regardless of how the other people in the ward are behaving, the better.

But know that I understand how one wants to feel part of a community, to be loved, and even helped when things are not going well. By trying not to expect it, you become somewhat of a rock and an island and you carry your peace with you, not matter what happens (within reason).

I hope that helps…good luck with whatever you decide to do — but I would not send the letter, nor would I suggest name removal. Name removal only limits options and makes it harder to come back if you ever want to. And who knows what the future holds.

I haven’t heard from ht or by since I moved into the ward. The last time I asked for help I asked for a simple food order. They wanted 13 hours of service, for one food order. Made me not want to ask in this situation.

Having been in a situation where we needed church welfare assistance I learned there is no free lunch – even for those who have paid full tithing and fast offerings and faithfully served in high profile callings for many years. This may sound cynical, but it was my reality – the church (and some people within the church) never gives without the expectation of something in return (and that something is something that has not already happened). I think a good number of bishops subscribe to a “workfare” mentality, and honestly I don’t know what others are thinking as they demonstrate little compassion.

I’m not trying to belittle your situation or make excuses for the bishop or members, but crutches don’t necessarily indicate a major injury. From their point of view they may have been thinking “If she needed help she’d ask for it.” I know bishops are supposed to have the spirit of discernment, but truth is they’re just as human as the rest of us and they’re not mind readers. And I’m not a huge fan of the way home teaching works (although the concept is good). I’ve told my own HT not to bother coming every month, I don’t need a monthly visit with a canned message that I’ve already read and that if I need something I will call him. I recognize that others have different expectations of their HT. But having never been a great HT (by orthodox standards) it’s also what I expect of my home teachees – if you need something ask, even if you think it’s obvious.

Yes – I am still haunted by a statement from an elderly gentleman who was unable to work. He asked me, in a needs analysis, “if you’ve paid your tithing all your life, is there a time when you don’t have to pay it anymore? If I didn’t pay tithing I would be able to meet my expenses”. It was sad, really, and it always stuck with me….

But back to you, try to de-emphasize the service role others might perform toward us. Recognize the fact that the church does not pay people to serve as Bp’s and RS presidents and often, they are completely overwhelmed. Some put in 35 hours a week on top of their full time jobs.

At the same time, I don’t want to be unempathetic to your own set of expectations — I had them too at one time. And I get it….but sadly, I found the church is not the place to realize my expectations of others. They disappoint too often, and that creates unhappiness and lack of inner peace.