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In another thread it was mentioned that sometimes people just want someone else to listen and it got me thinking. Growing up and even now I hear that we should ask our HT families if they are reading their scriptures and saying their prayers. I’ve never done it personally but I’ve had several companions that would do it. I always cringed a little bit internally. It seems like it’s just a way of trying to make them feel guilty for not doing those things. Often it’s the people who appear to be struggling that might get asked that more often. I’m not saying that doing those things can’t help, they can, but is that really the best way of going about it? Do the majority of people really respond to that? Shouldn’t we figure out what they really need and how they feel and try to address that? Or just make them feel needed and included in the church before trying to point out things they are doing “wrong”?
I have never done it and if it were to be done to my family I would be nice and say that I realize that in the past this was customary to ask, but I don’t feel comfortable with this being asked by my HT. I think that approach has some down sides because it can induce guilt, which may not be productive to some families…some may want to give up. Other familes also may benefit by having some accountability to motivate them…but…in my experience, it isn’t effective to do it that way. unsure wrote:I’m not saying that doing those things can’t help, they can, but is that really the best way of going about it?
I don’t think so. I think the best way goes along with the teaching by Joseph Campbell who wrote:
Quote:‘Preachers err by trying to talk people into belief; better they reveal the radiance of their own discovery.’
I would just think you bear testimony of what works and if it inspires others to read or pray…then that is a better way.
unsure wrote:Shouldn’t we figure out what they really need and how they feel and try to address that?
Yes! 100%. I think the more you do that, the more you build connections with others and they appreciate it.
Life is hard, there are stresses to deal with. I don’t need someone coming into my home telling me I need to read or pray like they do. I’ve got a personal approach to it that is going to be more meaningful to my God. I just allow others to think what they want and if something works for them…great. But I don’t respond well to people telling me how to do something unless I am asking for ideas.
I’m not asking for help on how i pray and read.
The customary questions I ask are: 1. Are you healthy?
2. Are you happy?
3. Do you have the Spirit?
Inducing shame, whatever the reason, is never very effective.
I do realize that some HT ask questions like these, but I have been fortunate that mine have not and I can’t envision my current HT ever asking a question like that. While such questions can induce guilt, I think people who do ask that question are doing it because they think they’re supposed to and may have even been instructed to ask it. The expected answers are of course that either yes, we are or something along the lines of trying to do better. I’d be curious to see the reaction of some more especially orthodox members if someone gave the answer “No, I think those things are wastes of time and I prefer to do other things.” HTers are counseled to ask those types of questions. In the wards I’ve lived in PH leaders explicitly asked HTers to ask those questions. It’s a part of the job descriptionIMO the problem is that as a culture I feel we do far too much policing.
I know I’m a broken record but I think a lot of the policing we do is the result of placing too much faith in causality. If someone is reading their scriptures and saying their prayers then they won’t go inactive. If a youth is diligent in their Personal Progress or Duty to God then they will not fall away from the church when they leave the home. There’s a retention problem and more policing always seems to be the answer.
I’m sure that “studies have shown” that people who are active, productive members of the church all read their scriptures, said their prayers, got youth medallions, and went on missions so there’s the natural tendency to say if someone does those things then they’ll be active, productive members of the church… and people in a Chinese restaurant like Chinese food (except for my kid who always orders the $7 grilled cheese
👿 but if I browbeat my kid long enough they’ll come around).unsure wrote:Growing up and even now I hear that we should ask our HT families if they are reading their scriptures and saying their prayers. I’ve never done it personally but I’ve had several companions that would do it. I always cringed a little bit internally.
I’ve got a story.
I have done it at different periods in my life. It made a difference when I was a FT missionary. Two hours of that was very good for the spirit. But once at home, I found the problems I dealt with weren’t answered by the scriptures. I have to go to technical books, research, experts and other avenues to get the help I need. I find the scriptures point me in a broad direction, but they are not very good at providing specific answers, like when my marriage was not working properly; I had to go to marriage-specific books. Scriptures are particularly difficult to use when your life takes the unorthodox path toward Mormonism…. I do see an inner peace component from reading some of the scriptures, but I find that a more powerful way of gaining inner peace is through thought conditioning. How we discipline our thoughts, in my view, is the most important means of achieving inner peace. Scriptures may help to fill our mind with good thoughts (mostly), but utlimately, it’s the process of consciously filling our minds with wholesome thought patterns that achieves inner peace amd joy.
I find the scriptures difficult to read now. They symbolize a life I once had, and one to which I would rather not return. But they do have some nuggets of wisdom a person can quote in lessons without angst…
Whether I would ask that question as a HT would depend on my relationship with them. Also, whether I was doing it myself. Personally, I no longer want to “push people along the trail to perfection” unless they come to me wanting such help. I have too many ideas that have been shot down by too many people over time. I find the “smooth handle” of life is to contribute where you are invited….otherwise, let people live their lives as they see fit.
None of your business. 😆 😆 😆 dande48 wrote:The customary questions I ask are:
1. Are you healthy?
2. Are you happy?
3. Do you have the Spirit?
Inducing shame, whatever the reason, is never very effective.
I think something along these lines might be a good way to go. I think it helps shows you care more about them as a person rather than if they are meeting some predetermined goals or not.
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