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Warning: Rant ahead.
I was asked to teach a class on how to make Cinnamon Rolls for a Super Saturday event. They planned to use the cinnamon rolls for the treat. The date wasn’t good for me. I declined.
A week later, my DH gets a phone call. They ask him if he would be willing to teach the class on Cinnamon Rolls. He tells them that he doesn’t know how to make the dough. He can roll out cinnamon rolls if someone makes the dough and the cinnamon/sugar/butter mix. The sister responds with, “But what about all the rolls and food that you take to HP? He responds, “My wife makes those”.
I have ward members ALL THE TIME assume I do not cook. It has become a point of annoyance in my life. I bake something, and we are asked if DH made it. He says no, his wife made it. Apparently, they didn’t believe him.
Maybe they finally got the message — DH doesn’t make the treats that he brings.
The whole thing is just weird.
I hear your annoyance, but I am laughing my butt off at this. Like who does the cooking? Isn’t this part of the Proclamation on the Family. The “Little Woman” does the cooking. OMG. I am sorry but I will be busting a gut for awhile on this. Sometimes our culture can be brainless. Mom3: I have a profession. I’ve wondered if that is the issue.
A couple years ago, I made a baby quilt for a friend’s daughter who was expecting her first baby. I made a quilt with a fun background of various blue and green batik fabrics .. Appliquéd some stars and planets across that background, and then had a rocket ship (with appliquéd flames shooting off the back of it) barreling across the sky. It turned out totally awesome. So the mom-to-be opens it up. There is a collective gasp. Then immediately, someone turns to the 3 known quilters in the ward and asks WHO did this?!!! They all shake their heads. The mom-to-be says that it is from me. Then I am asked “Where did you FIND it?” I reply that I made it. The ladies look at me like I am lying.
I’ve been Head Cook for Stake girls camp for multiple years. I sewed professionally when working my way through school. It is just so weird to me that I keep having church peeps make comments that state that because I work, I’m not allowed to have any other skills.
This is getting old.
It feels like the culture is stating that if I work, I am not allowed to do anything else.
Quote:It feels like the culture is stating that if I work, I am not allowed to do anything else.
Well naturally, we only have one paradigm. If you don’t fit it we don’t know what to do with you. Next time I am in your area, I will come by for your cinnamon rolls.
Maybe they’re feeling a little defensive. If (it’s an assumption) they’re suspicious in the first place of the professional LDS mom, it’s a bummer to find out that her cinnamon rolls stack up just fine… andshe can sew? That’s become a lost art in my lifetime. But I’ve seen more than one woman take a kind of weird satisfaction in imagining that the families of working women, what?, don’t eat? Or eat only chicken nuggets. It brings to mind, though, some of my best tiny branch memories. Everyone taught each other very practical home-making/ repairing/building skills.
P.S. “Cinnamon Rolls.” Mmmmm. I was sure this was going to be a post about General Conference.
I was a SAHM for 14 damn years. You can learn a lot in 14 years. People keep of trying to make DH into some house-husband dude. Oh .. And impoverished. Someone asked about his “small struggling storefront law practice”. They thought they might send him a pity-kinda case .. To help us. SMDH.
I told them that DH works for a major corporation and he signed an exclusive. He is not allowed to do anyone’s legal work but his employer’s work. He cannot even do his own brother’s will. They were so annoyed that DH wasn’t struggling to keep his office doors open. That was a weird convo.
It feels like there is a constant attempt to undermine us. An attempt to make us less than what we are. Like the ward has decided that if I work, I not allowed to have any “womanly” skills. And DH is supposed to give up his man-card because I am employed.
It just isn’t gonna happen. DH plans to keep his man-card. I plan to keep working AND cooking.
What is $&@#% wrong with these people.
Thanks for the rant, I’ve done a similar rant before. You see, at my house because of long term underemployment my wife is the breadwinner. I do work, I’m not a stay at home dad, but I get home earlier and do most of the cooking as well as the shopping and other household chores like laundry. We don’t go around talking about our home life, and we don’t often do things like linger longer, so unless you know us you don’t know how things work at our house. On those occasions when we do attend a linger longer or ward picnic we often get “Oh this ‘X’ your wife made is delicious.” “Thanks, but I made it.” I know the look you’re speaking of AP. I just don’t get why so many are stuck in this “Father Knows Best” mentality of the way families work.
AP wrote: Quote:It feels like there is a constant attempt to undermine us. An attempt to make us less than what we are. Like the ward has decided that if I work, I not allowed to have any “womanly” skills. And DH is supposed to give up his man-card because I am employed.
Do you think this has more to do with you having a career, or you having changed your relationship to the church? We talk so much about the unhappiness and dysfunction that will ensue outside of full activity, but, wait…that’s not happening at your house. So there’s a short circuit in the story, and people can’t reframe. (They do awkward, offensive things instead.) I dunno. That’s my only other theory.
Meanwhile, some of us who do DON’T work outside the home (Or inside. Working is hard.) are expected to do all of those homemaking things. Hey, I can do some of them, because they interest me, but I don’t do canning (PTSD from childhood. Neither my brother or I will do it.) and I don’t care for cleaning and I can’t grow a garden to save my life, nor do I understand people who actually LIKE it. My husband does all things dishes, I do all things laundry, and we both cook. But. Get this. I can remodel like a boss. From studs to finishes, I just like that kind of stuff. And I am not afraid of refinishing furniture. My hunter-gathering instincts run strong, because I love to hit garage sales and thrift shops and find things. Do I feel out of place at church in RS? Very yes. PS. All this talk about cinnamon rolls and no recipe? What is wrong with you people.
Ann wrote:Maybe they’re feeling a little defensive. If (it’s an assumption) they’re suspicious in the first place of the professional LDS mom, it’s a bummer to find out that her cinnamon rolls stack up just fine…and she can sew? That’s become a lost art in my lifetime. But I’ve seen more than one woman take a kind of weird satisfaction in imagining that the families of working women, what?, don’t eat? Or eat only chicken nuggets.
I think that people do make judgments that allow themselves to feel better about their own life decisions. I know that I do. Perhaps they are thinking, “Maybe they can afford to go to Disneyland for vacation but I give my kids home cooked meals. Some day they will regret their misplaced priorities.”
In my own ward we have a family with a stay-at-home dad. He has been approached several times by well meaning (often older) church members offering to help him find a job so that his wife can stay home. What they do not seem to realize is that his wife feels smothered at home and yet they have a special needs child that requires special care – someone has to stay home. People assume that he is being lazy and selfish when in reality he is making a sacrifice.
ap, you don’t exactly come across as the stereotypical Mormon woman. 😆 (Just to say it, I HATE Mormon stereotypes, especially since they are SO inaccurate of SO many Mormon women and men.)
I think that is all it is: People who don’t really know you personally outside of church settings making assumptions about an obviously strong, educated, professional, kick ass woman not having traditional domestic skills – and the possible blow to their own self-esteem to admit someone is doing so many things “better” than they are.
Cut them some slack. It’s not easy being a non-superhero friend of Wonder Woman.
Also, weaselgirl is right. You have a moral obligation to share your recipe if it is that good. It could be regular therapy for many of us. Old Timer wrote:Also, weaselgirl is right. You have a moral obligation to share your recipe if it is that good. It could be regular therapy for many of us.
Of course it will only be the sisters that can actually read the recipe and cook them – NOT! Says the guy that can cook and also not bad a sewing – and have always ironed all my own clothes.Ray: Blonde. Check
Born in the covenant . Check
BYU. Check
Had lots of kids. Check
Owns a wheat grinder. Check
I’m as stereotypical as they come.
.. Just squint your eyes a little and lean left .. Now you’ll see it.
😆 :clap: 😆 :clap: Some people think I lean too far left already.
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