One more happy LDS LGBT story for the road

This is positive, though not very flattering of the Church.

“It’s good to see this historic property lovingly restored and used to serve people in the LGBT community.”

What kind of response is this? A resource to help your own youth understand and feel that they are children of God, that they are valued, and all you can say is that a historic building will be used to serve the LGBT community? We aren’t some foreign community. We are a part of the wards and stakes of the church.

If cisgender heterosexual youth were at such a high risk for self loathing, depression, and suicide as we are and this kind of resource was being made available, the church spokesperson would have more to say than some comment about a historic building.

In helping them empathize, please don’t paint being queer as inherently being a “trial”. Yes, some people deal with internalized homophobia, but for me, at least, being bisexual isn’t a trial. It’s just part of who I am. Dealing with rejection, homophobia, and identity erasure, however, IS a trial, and is where all the mental health issues that are so prevalent among queer youth comes from. And dealing with homophobic people who insist that they have charity towards you while simultaneously doing and saying hurtful things is especially frustrating.

This is what sparked my belief crisis, actually: Church leaders making homophobic statements and implementing homophobic policies while claiming it’s all revelation from God. All this right when I’m finally coming to terms with myself and learning to be more authentic and seeing the light it’s bringing into my life. The mental gymnastics required to keep thinking that the Q15 are special oracles didn’t work out at all.

We can learn from this. We should totally bake cookies in temples.

Not to derail, but some temples do bake cookies. It was a treat for our kids when they were small to bring them home temple cookies.

In helping them empathize, please don’t paint being queer as inherently being a “trial”. Yes, some people deal with internalized homophobia, but for me, at least, being bisexual isn’t a trial. It’s just part of who I am. Dealing with rejection, homophobia, and identity erasure, however, IS a trial, and is where all the mental health issues that are so prevalent among queer youth comes from. And dealing with homophobic people who insist that they have charity towards you while simultaneously doing and saying hurtful things is especially frustrating.

I agree with and understand your frustration. I really think it boils down to most of those individuals wanting to be charitable, loving, and welcoming, but not realizing they’re being hurtful by statements like that. In general I don’t think they are meaning to imply that you are broken but they also don’t know how to state things otherwise in the context of their own (perhaps limited) frame of faith. There’s no doubt that there are homophobic haters in the church, just as there are those who do really love and understand (or at least try to understand). There are also a whole bunch in between those two groups. I try to cut them a break as much as possible because they are trying.

I believe many more people than we know really do want LGBT members to find home in our faith. I have watched and listened in my ward. The whispering’s are there. I also believe that the top team isn’t all of one mind on this.

Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.

I’m still learning to forgive. I haven’t yet figured out how to forgive people who will continue to harm me and others, who see their behavior as acceptable, and who think that the harm they do is an expression of love. Yes, they know not what they do, but the intention doesn’t have any effect on the results. If anything, it makes it worse because you have hope that their well-meaning means you can trust them, and it takes longer to learn that opening up and trusting just results in getting stung. Many of those who profess to want us here don’t really; they want an “idealized” version of us. But the reality is different from their ideal. They could change and understand and grow to actually want us to stay, but I can’t hope that that will happen anytime soon. That kind of thing takes time. And so I’m here trying to emotionally forgive them as they are, and I’m failing miserably. Not caring about what they have to say is easy; being able to gain from talks/messages without getting triggered is hard. It’s hardest with those in a leadership role. Most of the homophobia (non-antagonistic homophobia is VERY prevalent in the church) I see on the lower level I can get over, maybe with a small rant about it to my family, but coming from higher up, it’s hard to get over it continuing to be institutionalized. Any tips on forgiveness would be appreciated.

I also recognize that there is a growing number of members who genuinely do love and accept us. They keep me sane. I doubt I would be sticking around without them. It feels like I’m in a “Goldilocks Zone” when it comes to being in the church. If things were slightly different (gay instead of bi, unsupportive family, didn’t have meaningful experiences with lds rituals), I likely would be hanging at /r/exmormon instead of where I am now. But I am here, and I hope to stay here. And I do hope that there will be change, but I don’t dare get my hopes up that it will happen anytime soon.

Sorry, it looks like I’ve been hijacking the thread

You are here and expressed a view you feel and see and I wrote a rebuttal. I have done just what you said gets done.

On the contrary, you reminded me that this kind of problem has happened before in the church (it’s funny how uncomfortable many people get when you compare the current situation of queers in the church with blacks and the priesthood), that there are people out there who care, and that we can’t stop being an example and educating people. You didn’t compare queers to disabled people, judge those in same-sex relationships, or indicate that there is anything unnatural or unclean about us. You didn’t say that we will be “fixed” in the next life while cishet people were made “correctly”. That’s (sadly) a minority among members of the church. I wish people like you were the rule, rather than the exception.

Advice on forgiving bigots in church leadership is still appreciated though. 🙂