Cafeteria Mormon? Leave?

We’re all cafeteria Mormons to one extent or another – most just don’t realize it.

Yes, it’s very possible to be active and participating and not believe exactly the same as what your perception is everyone else believes. I do it by focusing on Christ. The church really does teach and believe the doctrine of Christ, but admittedly that’s not always obvious. It is a common ground with others, though, and it seems to be working for me. I actually like this quote from Richard Bushman at a BYU Hawaii devotional last month:

Sometimes this deep infusion of Christ into modern revelation does not achieve its purpose in people’s lives. Some people’s faith is based more on Joseph Smith than on Jesus Christ. When they begin to question the Prophet, they lose faith in the Savior. We all know of Latter-day Saints whose faith is shaken by new facts, such as the existence of the alternate accounts of the First Vision which I have talked about today. When this new information builds up, they grow concerned. Could it all be wrong? Their consternation goes so far that they consider leaving the church, painful as that would be.

For a long time, I would try to answer their specific questions, try to persuade them there was another way of understanding the facts that were bothering them. I reminded them that people like me and many other informed Latter-day Saints are aware of all the disruptive information and still believe in Joseph Smith. We would talk for hours, but nothing seemed to work. After all the talk, they seemed as fixed in their doubts as I am in my faith.

Of late, I have taken to asking the doubters a question? How do you feel about Jesus Christ? If they say the Savior means everything to them, I assure them, you will be all right. If you can hold to Christ, you will find your way. But to my dismay, others say that in losing faith in Joseph Smith, they also lose faith in Christ and even in God and prayer. Everything falls apart. I feel bad when I hear this response. It means that Joseph Smith, not the Savior, is the foundation of their faith. Once Joseph is removed, the whole building collapses.

This is not what Joseph intended. He did not organize a Church of Joseph Smith. The Articles of Faith do not mention Joseph Smith’s name. They begin with the statement we believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in his Son Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost. That is the foundation.

Those who lose faith in Christ because they have lost faith in Joseph Smith have things backward. Joseph’s mission was to increase faith in Christ, not in himself. He thought of himself as one of the weak things of the world who came forth that faith might increase in the earth and that Christ’s everlasting covenant might be established.5 He would want us to develop faith in his teachings, in Christ and the atonement, in prayer and adhesion to high moral standards, not in him as a man. He would want us to believe in the principles independent of the man, as the Saints in the first decade did. We honor him as a prophet, to be sure, but as one who testified of the Savior. His revelations pointed beyond himself to Christ and the Father. I believe in Joseph Smith as a prophet of God, and most of you here today do too. But we must place our faith first in Christ, and believe in him apart from our faith in his messenger. Christ should be the anchor when we struggle and question.

(full talk here: http://devotional.byuh.edu/media161115” class=”bbcode_url”>http://devotional.byuh.edu/media161115)

I’m not saying this is your issue – but I agree with Bushman that it is often the case that a person’s testimony is in something other than Christ. And, he also appears to be right in that those who have a testimony of Christ come through OK in the end.

Those quotes from Bushman still give me the :sick: s.

It’s possible to do the cafeteria approach. As already stated everyone does their own brand of cafeteria approach, even though they may not recognize it or label it that way. I don’t think it’s possible (or maybe better stated, healthy) to give 100% in everything at church. There’d be no time left for real life.

But I think I know what you mean, there are different types of cafeteria approaches; there’s the “no one is perfect” view and there’s the “thanks, but no thanks” or “this ain’t for me” view. It’s the latter that tends to stick in people’s craw at church. But you’re supposed to do it, you made a covenant, you don’t get to make up the rules.

You can still survive as a cafeteria Mormon when you take the “thanks, but no thanks” approach but you have to learn to brush off other people’s expectations of you, which is no easy thing.

You can still survive as a cafeteria Mormon when you take the “thanks, but no thanks” approach but you have to learn to brush off other people’s expectations of you, which is no easy thing.

I believe that the hard part of being more of a cafeteria Mormon than most of your fellow ward members is building boundaries and being prepared for a reduction in the level of inclusion one may feel.

For me personally, it is all about sustainability. How much can I give to the church – recognizing the good that I get from it – and carry on indefinitely?

I can serve in a calling on weeknights. I can obey the WoW and law of Chastity (I was already doing these things). I can continue to wear my Garments (within reason). I can accept the occasional assignment to teach a SS class, or sub for primary, or speak in SM. I can support my wife in her callings.

I personally do not pay tithing though I support my wife and children in doing so. I do not often attend church (due to work conflicts). I do not go home teaching (although I have contacted and know all the people on my list). I do not clean the chapel unless cornered.

As I pull back from giving 100% to the church it is only natural that there be a pullback of integration/inclusion on the part of the church. I feel somewhat “less active” and I do not see the ward as my “ward family” or support structure. I have supplemented this reduced sense of “belonging” and inclusion in the church with being more involved and integrated into the community.

Those quotes from Bushman still give me the :sick: s.

Why?

There’s a lot to unpack in there, I’d derail this thread, maybe we could have a dedicated “What Bushman said” thread. The short version is that there’s an undercurrent of there being a correct way to come out the other end of a LDS faith crisis… and that may very well be true in many cases… if we are talking about a very specific kind of person. Part 2 of the short version is that I feel he’s assigning blame (you should have Jesused better, like me). That’s the very short/simplified version of part 2.

First of all, I would like to than you all for your replies. I still have a strong fundamental belief in Christ and salvation, but I am having trouble to find an unique LDS aspect to hold onto.

With the exception of Law of Chastity, I can no longer say I believe every LDS doctrine with 100% confidence, and since I don’t believe in them anymore, I have no desire to pretend I want follow them, because it would me feel disingenuous. I guess in reality I stay because many good people I have met in the church over the years. However, even that is difficult to hold onto sometimes. I have a friend who is very orthodox yet willing to listen to different opinions, but even this person often makes remarks that I find hard to stomach. This friend likes to assign moral judgments on people based on whether they consume alcohol, even on nonmembers. I have argued with him many times on this issue, and he still judges people the same way. There is also an otherwise kind member of my ward, but this individual in question likes to judge women’s morals based on how modest their wardrobe are. The individual in question is very fond of the immodesty leads to inappropriate thoughts argument, which I find offensive and degrading to both men and women.

I agree with the idea that people should stop look at the church with absolutes and even though I’m no longer 100% sure about the one true church claim, I still think the LDS teaches the gospel of Christ. However, in my current pursuit to live with a cafeteria approach, I find the biggest obstacle in the way is my attitude. I feel I can’t live according to my own belief while actively participating in the church. One example would be talks. A couple weeks ago, a counselor asked me to gave a talk on missionary work, and I had to make up an excuse so I can gave a talk on a different day with a different subject. I feel that if I accidentally let my personal views slip, then the well meaning missionaries and ward leaders will come knocking. I won’t resent the missionaries and ward leaders if they ever feel that I am going off the beaten path and trying help me, but it will still make me uncomfortable.

I agree with the idea that people should stop look at the church with absolutes and even though I’m no longer 100% sure about the one true church claim, I still think the LDS teaches the gospel of Christ. However, in my current pursuit to live with a cafeteria approach, I find the biggest obstacle in the way is my attitude. I feel I can’t live according to my own belief while actively participating in the church. One example would be talks. A couple weeks ago, a counselor asked me to gave a talk on missionary work, and I had to make up an excuse so I can gave a talk on a different day with a different subject. I feel that if I accidentally let my personal views slip, then the well meaning missionaries and ward leaders will come knocking. I won’t resent the missionaries and ward leaders if they ever feel that I am going off the beaten path and trying help me, but it will still make me uncomfortable.

Good post. Thanks for sharing that. Very honest and sincere. I’m sure many people agree with you and identify with those feelings.

Ultimately your journey is to find what brings peace to your soul. Just don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. Find that life has paradox, and we can be honest and sincere…even as cafeteria mormons, even if our personal views slip and we reveal differences from others who seem to be main stream.

The orchestra sounds better with all of us just being who we are. It really does.