Happiness and Suffering

I would like to hear comments on the relationship between sacrifice and happiness.

As with many things I believe there’s a balance to be struck here as well. In the spirit of “whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it” I tried putting everyone else’s needs ahead of my own, I took it to an extreme. Ultimately it didn’t work out. I was unhappy and I started to crack… which can interfere with your ability to serve. Then there’s the opposite extreme. Never putting someone else’s needs ahead of your own. So IMO there’s a balance. A balance where you’ll probably always feel unsure whether you’re being lazy or you’re giving too much.

It’s easier to sacrifice when the purpose of the sacrifice is obvious. Helping someone move, a sacrifice; the purpose, it gets someone’s stuff from point A to point B, at the very least it saves someone some $green on hiring movers. When you’re done it’s obvious you accomplished something.

Some programs at church feel like they don’t have a true purpose, it’s more busy work. There are a lot of programs at church that do accomplish things but where they “get” you is in the volume. I think we’ve created a culture where there’s an expectation to participate in every. single. program. that comes along and there are simply too many. The programs are nice… but as a culture we kinda feel guilted into doing them all until it has reached a point where there’s an expectation that everyone participate in all the programs. Boundaries erode and we fall into the more is better trap.

We have the promise that sacrifice now will increase happiness in the next life, but that is so far off, and the promises are not guaranteed.

I’ll work on being happy in this life and I’ll work on being happy in the afterlife when I’m in the afterlife. Seems simple, straight forward. Besides, being happy helps us be of better service to people.

the object and design of our existence?

As I get older and as I have taken upon myself more and more responsibilities I’d say that that the only object and design of our existence is the ones we make for ourselves.

Never forget: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nuSnE6GNdo” class=”bbcode_url”>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nuSnE6GNdo

I think there are “good” sacrifices and “bad” sacrifices. I agree with Ray that it might be different for different people, but there are some instances in the scriptures where what is acceptable and not acceptable is brought out. I just undertook a study of Isaiah (don’t ask me why, I may be crazy, but it just may be a lunatic you’re looking for… :crazy: ) and chapter 1 talks about the Lord not wanting our sacrifices, that He’s had enough of them and it’s time to learn to do good and rescue the oppressed, etc.

To me a “good” sacrifice is one that makes me feel good and that I want to do because I want do it, not because I have been “commanded” to do it or because it is my “(priesthood) duty.” In that process it is very likely that such a sacrifice helped someone else. Conversely, a “bad” sacrifice is one I am doing not because I want to, that I do begrudgingly, and that I see no benefit in for me or others. I have seen in my own ward those who have sacrificed their families for church service and the results are not pretty. I will not do that, nor will I sacrifice my own well being or sanity.

Financially I am an ant. I am happiest sacrificing daily perks and frills for the sake of financial security.

I have felt superior to the financial grasshoppers that seem to not have any sense of discipline. And truly, not having enough money to cover one’s needs at the end of the month is a recipe for unhappiness.

However, I have come to realize that there is value in being able to part with some money in order to gain experiences. I have also come to realize that in slowly amassing my little treasure trove I am merely following my nature as an “ant”. That makes it seem like not much of a sacrifice at all – and certainly not superior to a financial grasshopper that is similarly following their internal programming.

My spouse helps me to moderate. She makes compromises with my frugal nature most days also helps me to understand when parting with some money can be more important in the bigger picture.

In summary, I do believe that there are some big picture happiness ingredients that apply to all (hierarchy of needs) yet in the details there can be more than one way to arrive at the destination. I also believe that the sweet spot tends to exist somewhere in the middle and not on the extreme edges.

I believe by putting my family first and serving them, I’m putting God first since the family is the fundamental unit of His plan and church.

I believe that it’s what is going to make us the happiest. That is what is most important. I know that in old age, having close family ties is important for longevity and health, so I believe in putting family at or near the top.

But I have tried to put my family first in my time in the past, and they can never agree to do anything as a unit. I guess I have given up on that. I then would do things separately (father, daughter, or Father, son), but then onlookers tells us our family is dysfunctional. I kept doing the duet stuff anyway, as it worked in at least creating a good relationship that way.

I do think that sacrificing too much for callings, is bad suffering. I have almost zero to do with any of the people I home taught, with who served along side me in my High Priest Group days, or in the church throughout my life. It turns over in our Ward so that all the existing leaders are new people.

But family — they are yours for the long haul and yes, should come first.