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It has been about seven years since I’ve been to the temple, at least. I like the idea of being able to go there again at some point in the future. I have an unusual problem (at least I think it’s unusual, since when I’ve brought it up with other people in real life, they look at me like I have three heads). I wore my garments as instructed for about a decade after I received my endowment. I had a VERY hard time. I did not sleep at nights for the first week (the week before I got married), so I was basically a zombie on my wedding day. During the years that followed, I tried all different fabrics, all different size combinations, all different configurations with my outer clothing, in the attempt to get more comfortable. Wearing that extra layer added so much extra stress to my life. I could constantly FEEL the rubbing and bunching. They perpetually came untucked and stuck out everywhere despite my wearing VERY modest outer clothing. They drove me absolutely BONKERS. They made it very hard for me to focus on other things because of the discomfort. They were a tremendous, torturous distraction. I thought if I could just show my faith by sticking it out and diligently wearing them for long enough, that it would get progressively easier to wear them and I would be like “everybody else.” It never did.
After ten years, I gave up. I’ve only worn them sporadically, ever since. I try again every so often, thinking maybe it’ll be different and I’ll be able to tolerate them this time. But they’re always as unbearably uncomfortable as ever.
Just in the past year or so I’ve recognized that there is a name for my problem, and my garments issues are but one manifestation of it. I have “Sensory Processing Disorder.” Yes, there is a name for this weirdness. I’ve had it all my life. I have no formal professional diagnosis, but the symptoms fit me to a T. I wouldn’t crawl on grass as a baby – I would scream like I was being stabbed. Until I was 6 I couldn’t tolerate elastic waistbands made of certain fabrics. I couldn’t wear jeans or puffy coats or tights as a child without great distress. I couldn’t deal with being in certain buildings because of the fluorescent lighting. I could only tolerate certain socks, certain shoes, specific temperatures of water, because of how they felt, how they were touching me. I couldn’t have different foods touching each other on my plate at meals. I couldn’t eat things like hamburgers because there were too many textures mixed together. I learned to cope with all of this to some degree as an adult, to where I could keep the stress to myself and “deal,” and look normal, but internally the stress was/is still there. THIS is why I can’t wear garments.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to wear garments again, but I feel I can’t do any more trials. Without the miracle I had hoped for all those years, where I’m able to ignore them and stop “feeling” them, I don’t know how to be temple worthy. I feel that God does not blame me for not wearing them. When I prayed about it initially, because I felt so guilty even
thinkingabout stopping wearing them, the answer came to my mind: “Please don’t worry about that right now.” I guess part of me feels like a temple recommend shouldn’t be withheld due to a condition someone was born with, that they have done their best to overcome. But I guess there are plenty of alcoholics who can’t enter the temple even if they became alcoholics by no fault of their own and have tried their best to break the addiction. I guess I’d like it if they and I could go to the temple. I guess I’d like it if temple worthiness was between the individual and God, because He and I are AOK. He would let me in the temple right now. This has nothing whatever to do with wanting to wear more revealing clothing for me (although I do think sun/Vitamin D is really important and garments can hinder that). I don’t care about clothes one whit, except that I need them to be comfortable.
I wanted to post this because I haven’t found anyone who struggles with garments the way I do in real life, but there might be someone out there who feels like they’re the only one for whom garments = CRAZY, and maybe they’ll stumble across my experience and know they’re not alone. I also know that this group on this forum won’t judge me and say I have garment issues because I’m not righteous enough, and they might even have helpful insights about this that I’ve not thought of.
Thanks for sharing. We have multiple threads on garments here. (I will let Nibbler or someone else find them. I am not that skilled). But I believe other people, especially women, maybe not with a diagnosis, but the same outcome. I am glad you found peace with your answer. Hopefully someone will find the threads and you may find more kindred spirits than you imagined. And I don’t think there is a woman here who thinks you have 3 heads. We hear you on many different but totally supportive levels.
Does anyone know where the instruction to wear the garment night and day even comes from? There’s that question that asks if we “wear them night and day according to the instructions given in the endowment”, but the only instructions in the endowment are the instructions to wear them “throughout your life” in the initiatory. There’s no mention of night and day or 24/7. ydeve wrote:Does anyone know where the instruction to wear the garment night and day even comes from? There’s that question that asks if we “wear them night and day according to the instructions given in the endowment”, but the only instructions in the endowment are the instructions to wear them “throughout your life” in the initiatory. There’s no mention of night and day or 24/7.
It’s from an additional directive that is supposed to be read at the time of the interview. As you’ve noted it is not correct given that the wearing of the garment is not part of any temple covenant and only an instruction given during washing and anointing. My belief is that it originated with a mid level functionary in the church office building that was certain that the rest of us were getting away with something so he promoted the additional words of wisdom to curry favor with the Brethren. For me “throughout your life” does not include the hours of sleep.squarepeg wrote:I wanted to post this because I haven’t found anyone who struggles with garments the way I do in real life, but there might be someone out there who feels like they’re the only one for whom garments = CRAZY, and maybe they’ll stumble across my experience and know they’re not alone. I also know that this group on this forum won’t judge me and say I have garment issues because I’m not righteous enough, and they might even have helpful insights about this that I’ve not thought of.
You’re not alone, but it seems that garments don’t drive me
ascrazy. Like anyone, there are certain sounds I can’t stand, there are just more of them. The feel of certain foods makes me gag. I have multiple tasting superpowers. Walls filled with pictures and posters make it hard for me to concentrate. I often can’t make out what conversation partners are saying in crowded rooms. It takes me a long time to understand people with thick accents because all I can hear at first are the little details that make up the accents. (Plus side: I can duplicate the accents after a while.)
Cotton garments drove me crazy on my mission: they were hot and…
grippy, especially on body hair, which they often turned backwards, and it hurt to smooth the hair back down. Polyester mesh was better. The best so far is silk-like (I think it’s called “corban”). I have to tuck in the top because the feel of two waistbands is irritating – no idea why I didn’t have that problem when wearing normal underwear. Keeping the top tucked in and not bunched up above the waistband in the rear is a constant battle. I wear them inside-out to keep the seams from touching my skin. I don’t wear them at all at night (a recent innovation since my faith crisis) because I’ve discovered that they make my restless legs syndrome worse.
They’re expensive and annoying, and what they represent – temple covenants and being protected from the effects of sin by the body of Christ – don’t mean a lot to me anymore. Now they symbolize belonging to an organization whose culture rejects me, but still has its fingers in almost every detail of my life. I wear them because it would probably upset my wife if I didn’t, and because I want to answer the temple recommend interview questions honestly. I only want a temple recommend to keep Church policies from driving a wedge between me and my believing family.
I think garments are fine for the majority, but that there’s a minority for which they just suck.
squarepeg wrote:I have an unusual problem (at least I think it’s unusual, since when I’ve brought it up with other people in real life, they look at me like I have three heads).
What mom said. You can talk here! And there are several threads you might want to poke around for. And it’s good that you’ve found an explanation for a whole constellation of issues.
Quote:They were a tremendous, torturous distraction. I thought if I could just show my faith by sticking it out and diligently wearing them for long enough, that it would get progressively easier to wear them and I would be like “everybody else.” It never did.
After my Mormon feminist awakening, which is almost as accurate as “faith crisis” to describe what happened with me, I accepted my negative feelings about garments. Sight is a sense, too. And the sight of them 24/7/365 was too much. I do wear them, but much less than before. My husband, thank heaven, is fine with it, and I feel TONS happier and feminine without changing a stitch of my outer wardrobe.
Quote:I wanted to post this because I haven’t found anyone who struggles with garments the way I do in real life, but there might be someone out there who feels like they’re the only one for whom garments = CRAZY, and maybe they’ll stumble across my experience and know they’re not alone. I also know that this group on this forum won’t judge me and say I have garment issues because I’m not righteous enough, and they might even have helpful insights about this that I’ve not thought of.
I don’t feel unworthy so I don’t say anything but “yes” in TR interviews. I honestly don’t think anyone needs to know or care when and how much you wear them. I think the question is a holdover from the bad old days, when people felt less free to create boundaries. It seems the “Jump!/How high?” days are a thing of the past. I think it’s a delicate, personal thing. I see good things about them, and I have a lot of affection and a sort of nostalgia for how I used to accept them, even as they were crushing my femininity. And I cringe when I see disgruntled people online making fun of them. But I don’t feel guilty about my choices.
I hope you can work through it with integrity and land in a comfortable place on the issue.
Egregious self-quote: Reuben wrote:They’re expensive and annoying, and what they represent – temple covenants and being protected from the effects of sin by the body of Christ – don’t mean a lot to me anymore. Now they symbolize belonging to an organization whose culture rejects me, but still has its fingers in almost every detail of my life. I wear them because it would probably upset my wife if I didn’t, and because I want to answer the temple recommend interview questions honestly. I only want a temple recommend to keep Church policies from driving a wedge between me and my believing family.
So… I’m more negative in the morning. How about that?
When I’m feeling positive, and I try hard enough, I can make the garments represent my love for my wife.
When I’m feeling neutral: when in Morm, do as the Mormons do.
My philosophical side notes that the more Pharisaical an organization’s rules are, and the sharper the boundaries it establishes, the more it marginalizes and pushes out those who can’t conform.
My religious side, when justifying not wearing garments at night, has in mind this scripture:
Quote:And again, I say unto the poor, ye who have not and yet have sufficient, that ye remain from day to day; I mean all you who deny the beggar, because ye have not; I would that ye say in your hearts that:
I give not because I have not, but if I had I would give. At night, because of RLS,
I have not: I can’t make this sacrifice. You, squarepeg, because of SPD, also can’t make this sacrifice. I count wantingto make it to be just as good as making it. I like what Reuben said ^^ I also agree with Ann on how unfeminine they make me feel. For me, I started to resent my garments. I made myself keep wearing them for a while, but they were sooo uncomfortable and made me feel so ugly. I already struggle with self esteem and I also don’t like certain clothes (if I could, I would NEVER wear bras). I’ve even noticed with certain clothes that look nice but aren’t comfortable, put me in a bad mood eventually. Garments just drove me nuts and the more I made myself wear them, the more I hated them with a passion. Eventually I just realized that I didn’t even have a testimony of garments and so I may be wearing them for no reason. As part of my faith crisis I felt I can’t get accurate answers from God on what is and isn’t right. I also realized that if, in fact, these were actually sacred things (I really don’t think they are, but just in case) I realized it’d be better to not wear them, than to wear something possibly holy and constantly feeling hatred towards it and resenting it. I feel so much better about myself not wearing them. They don’t cause a red line where the waist band is anymore, they don’t push underneath my stomach so my stomach fat is more prominent than it actually is, I feel so much sexier taking off my clothes for my husband and not having ugly garments on, I don’t have to worry about whether to wear garments over or under my bra, or feel them bunching and slipping, or buy something that is modest only to have my garments show anyways. Anyways, I could go on and on about how mad they make me. I have heard of SPD as well, and I can totally empathize with why you would be so unhappy wearing them. I don’t have SPD but I’m what’s called a Highly Sensitive Person so certain textures and sounds really get at me and piss me off, but not to the same extent as you where it’s torturous. I am majorly impressed that you stuck it out for 10 years. I only stuck it out for about 3 years and then my faith crisis happened so I was done with them.
Read these threads: http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=3565&hilit=Garment http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=3428&hilit=Garment http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=1015&hilit=Garment http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=2791&hilit=Garment There are more, but these are a good start.
I don’t have that problem, but I was really frustrated with garments for a long time. I live in a hot climate so I wear shorts a lot. Given my short legs, the garments hang well down below my knees. It makes you look like a Melchizedork, as some have called it (I am a man). I eventually liberated myself from all that hassle and I’m so much happier. I wear compression shorts now most of the time, and it encourages walking and exercising on the spur of the moment. I feel like my clothes fit me. So much better. I wear the garments to church and in places where church people might start assessing my compliance (looking for the eternal smile under my white shirt) (sound strange, but they do it to see if you are in compliance). But as a rule, I don’t wear them unless there is some religious purpose. And I am much happier as a result. And happiness is the object and design of our existence, isn’t it
I don’t get how wearing clothing that irritates you constantly, throughout your whole life can be part of the “the fulfilling life”.
SilentDawning wrote:I wear the garments to church and in places where church people might start assessing my compliance (looking for the eternal smile under my white shirt) (sound strange, but they do it to see if you are in compliance). But as a rule, I don’t wear them unless there is some religious purpose. And I am much happier as a result. And happiness is the object and design of our existence, isn’t it. I don’t get how wearing clothing that irritates you constantly, throughout your whole life can be part of the “the fulfilling life”.
I agree completely. Didn’t JS when he went to the Carthage jail, not wear his garments? Yet we don’t condemn him for that.
When I became active again & went through the TR process, I made the point of saying to the Bishop, I don’t wear my garments at times like, going to the Doctor or the gym.
He said he didn’t either. The message I got is consider your situation, consider your own circumstance and make your own choice.
However, I wouldn’t get up in a Fast Meeting & say that either. (Come to think of it, I don’t get up in the Fast meeting.)
Quote:(Come to think of it, I don’t get up in the Fast meeting.)
We must be bench buddies.
Yes we are. You’ll probably enjoy this post I did: https://bycommonconsent.com/2013/05/13/female-garments-the-underwear-business/ Just like the Sabbath, the garment was made for us; we weren’t made for the garment. Wear it in whatever way and whenever makes sense to you and brings you closer to God. If that is always, fine; if it is usually, fine; if it is occasionally, fine; if it is never, fine.
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