Always thankful and SO confused . . . .

Shae,

Welcome to this site; I’m glad we have found each other. I’m sorry that you are going through something that makes you have a very heavy heart. When I read your intro, though, it actually sounded to me like you’ve got a good positive outlook on your life. You certainly have a lot to be grateful for. From just the few words you have written, I get a sense that you are an optimistic person, and I look forward to your added voice here. I can tell that it’s not really your disposition to do so, but could you say a few things about what makes you feel such a heavy heart?

I’m glad you found us. Thank you for sharing part of your story. Very interesting.

I think we can find meaningful things in life that make us happy with or without the church, it is just a choice on what we would like to have and there is no one right answer that fits all spirits.

I look forward to learning more from your posts. Thanks for joining!

Welcome and I agree you won’t find a much more accepting place than here. I have found it extremely helpful. I hope you do too.

It sounds like your mind is swirling a bit. Take time to do the things that help keep you calm (or as calm as you can be). There is no rush.

We are eager to hear more and more importantly help you.

I sometimes bump up a poem my daughter wrote a few years ago when someone makes a comment about the difficulty of searching for truth. I feel I should share it with you, so, rather than bump it up again this month I am going to share the link.

Please read it. I think it might resonate with you.

“Imagine If…” – http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=3098

I guess I’m just confused as to what is truth and what is man made scare tactics to keep us active.

To be fair I don’t think they’re deliberate scare tactics meant to keep others active. I’d say our own fears work against us to get us to do things that we otherwise wouldn’t or to keep doing things long after there’s no more benefit in doing whatever it is we’re doing. We verbalize those fears to other people around us and other people begin to share in those fears.

What do you do when the fears wear off?

I can empathize with being confused but I can say that I’d rather be confused than what I was before… bored. Having all the answers was boring. Being confused… now there’s something I can work with.

First, welcome Shae. I’m glad you found us.

I don’t know, Nibbler, I do think there are some elements of fear being used by some in leadership to keep people active, paying tithing, going to the temple, etc. The fears don’t seem to wear off for some and in some wards they are almost constantly reinforced in talks, testimonies, and lessons. And yes, we have probably all been guilty of it to some extent at some point. I think that’s why Pres. Uchtdorf felt it necessary to talk about it, and as he points out we are not the only church or organization guilty of using fear. In my case the fear wore off during my period of inactivity and I wasn’t struck by lightning, no roofs collapsed, and I even felt what I believe to be the Spirit from time to time. It was for me part of the “maturation” of my faith.

I do think that some leaders are motivated by the first example, but agree that most are not. It could be argued Lorenzo Snow was so motivated because the church was in deep deep financial doo-doo at the time and he could see that paying tithing would solve the problem. How to get people to do so was the other problem, which he apparently solved by promising the blessing of rain if they paid tithing. The flip side of that argument is if they didn’t pay tithing it wouldn’t rain – resulting in fear. (Caveats: I’m not sure how historically accurate the Snow/tithing story is beyond the doo-doo, and I do not believe President Snow to be an evil fear-mongerer.)

The second example is much more common, I think, and there is a bit of a conundrum there. When is someone just stating a “fact” (eg quoting scripture) or describing reality or warning out of love as opposed to fear mongering? The D&C does say we will burn if we don’t pay tithing. It also says we can’t be saved without doing the work for our dead and many other things. This is indeed something I have been giving some thought to in light of Pres. Uchtdorf’s comments and I have not come up with an answer other than almost all of the things used to induce fear like the examples I just gave come from modern revelation or modern speakers (giving the caveat that the most well known fear is that if someone isn’t baptized they can’t go to heaven – which seems to be debatable even within the NT). For the time being and for myself I have decided to only use those scriptures that promise blessings for doing something as opposed to those that promise punishment for not doing something. That of course does not prevent others in our three hour block from doing any kind of fact stating or warning – and that’s just something I’m still learning to deal with.

For my own mother she seemed to lose interest in attending as we kids left the nest. My father was a merchant marine on the high seas. This meant that my mother was often alone in dragging us 5 kids to church on Sundays. She did the best she could to encourage us in scouts, duty to God award, YW medallion and much much more.

I believe that a large part of her motivation was to go for us. To be a good example, to raise us up right, and to establish a forever family. She continued plugging away long after she was tired and perhaps not receiving any personal spiritual benefit.

I believe with us children grown she just does not want to go. I never remember her having any particular friendships through the church – so I do not believe that she was getting fed socially. Nor do I believe that our lessons are particularly intellectually or spiritually stimulating for someone who has attended them week in and week out for 50+ years. I think she may have burnt out.