Do you enjoy going to the opera?

I might not love the opera, but I love her.

All my decisions are made with this in mind. Sometimes spouses’ communication skills aren’t on a par with their mutual love. I just try to keep regular life going, talk about everything, and hope it rubs off on our ability to talk about church.

Kids complicate things. I don’t love the opera, fine. How do I feel about my kids being handed a program and reading that they must attend the opera to be saved, to be happy and right with God. Can we talk about that as a family and shape the message?

Same problem with callings. How can I serve now?

And like you said, I have to remember that I used to love the opera and on certain levels accepted what the program told me. I’m the one who changed.

Not a bad comparison. My problem with the “opera” is that not only am I expected to attend the performance, but I’m expected to attend the practices and visit each singer. Occasionally I’m required to attend the ballet (e.g. stake stuff) that I really dislike… My kids have to attend early morning opera which makes me crazy.

But to your point, I attend the opera for two reasons 1) wife wants me to 2) to instill in my children some sense of service and that something is bigger than them. The hard part as has been mentioned by others, is coming to agreement about how much opera is needed for the kids.

Good analogy! And to further it, I know from watching movies that loving the opera is a sure sign that the character is a good person with good taste and strong sensibilities or whatever. But to me, the opera’s fine–I can take it or leave it. I don’t normally think about it. I would probably not normally say “Hey, let’s buy tickets and proactively go to the opera.” And yet, I’m an avid theater-goer (Broadway, West End, and the Utah Shakespeare Festival). We love theater, even musicals! But opera’s just ya know, meh. I enjoy it often when I go, but I could absolutely never go to another one my whole life and not bat an eye. I always enjoy it more when someone’s reminding me why I’m supposed to enjoy it (e.g. watching Amadeus), and less when I have to infer why I’m supposed to like it (e.g. Pretty Woman – like glistening eyes and rapt attention are supposed to convey the whole thing to me?).

So–I think you can see pretty much what I’m saying here. I do sometimes find something moving at church, but I am just as often looking around thinking “Are these people getting something out of this?” And I’m often surprised by what others find emotionally moving, which I usually just find maudlin or too personal to appreciate.

I remember on my mission that we were visiting with a church member whose adult children weren’t active. The adult daughter, Ana, was there, and I mentioned that we were having fast & testimony meeting that Sunday if she wanted to come. She cackled with laughter and said “Ugh, why would I want to go to that?? It’s just people getting up and saying how grateful they are and crying about things, and they all say the same things!” I had to admit (not verbally, just to myself) that’s pretty much how I feel about fast & testimony meeting too. You can’t sell what you don’t buy.

… I also try to remember that I am the one who is changing. When we married (in the temple), we made covenants and promises and I’m the one who is changing the deal. I recognize how hard it is on her.

I have tried hard with my wife to realize the same thing. It is hard for me, but I think she feels more turmoil about our differences than I do now – and I caused that.

… I also try to remember that I am the one who is changing. When we married (in the temple), we made covenants and promises and I’m the one who is changing the deal. I recognize how hard it is on her.

I have tried hard with my wife to realize the same thing. It is hard for me, but I think she feels more turmoil about our differences than I do now – and I caused that.

I can’t tell whether I think that’s a good attitude to have or not. Change is inevitable in marriages that last for decades. We didn’t promise we would never change. Where fidelity exists, people need to be less brittle about change, even in belief.

I think I get what you are saying. My focus now is on the shorter term and I just shocked her a few months ago bursting out of the belief closet. I need to be patient and extra loving. Mid to long term – she does need to deal with the change. I will give her some time to adjust.

In spiritual terms, most hip hop and rock would be the equivalent of the horoscopes in the paper and “Hopi” ear candles. 😆 Except for heavy metal 👿

There was a guy I heard on the radio a few years ago whose son was going through his bar mitzvah and first RC communion in the same year.