Children feeling persecuted

For the most part I try to give my kids options and let them decide what they want to believe.

I suppose that if pressed I might discuss how it must be for gay people in the church to look forward to a lifetime of being alone. How is finding someone to love and be committed to not preferable? And how does that hurt straight people?

I would stay out of the “God said” stuff and stick to the more humanistic “what might that look like?” territory.

They still get to decide what they believe but they should also consider what effects those beliefs might have on others.

I wonder if there’s a unifying theory of harmful doctrine. Are they always based in fear? If so, can I watch for them mostly by looking for the word “Satan”?

I was thinking we could answer this question by listing all the harmful doctrines and noting whether they are all based in fear. But I realized that almost ANY doctrine I can think of can be construed as either helpful or harmful, depending on how I think about it. …except the no-gay-marriage policy, and a couple others, maybe.

But one reason we went inactive a few years ago was because I got burned out of reteaching or “un-teaching” my kids every Sunday after church – you know, trying to undo the things they’d been taught that we felt were damaging or biased in a bad way. But I definitely agree that with at least some kids, it seems we have to actively teach them what we believe when it’s different from what the church teaches, or they’ll assimilate the church-view.

That is a challenging situation. Thank you for sharing. I think often about how to handle the gaps between my beliefs and the church’s teachings, with my kids: how much to tell them now, and how to say it, and what is best left out or left alone until they’re older. It’s difficult, but it sounds like you’re really thoughtful about it, and aware of your kids’ differences in temperament and personality, and in how they each internalize what they’re taught, so you’re probably navigating it beautifully.

“If we have the truth, [it] cannot be harmed by investigation. If we have not the truth, it ought to be harmed.” -J Reuben Clark

I don’t have much experience with dealing with children. But here are a few things I wish I was taught:

1. I have been, am, and will continue to be wrong about many things. So have my parents, my teachers, my mentors, and my friends. We often have wrong/incomplete information, or learn from those with wrong/incomplete information themselves. It’s to be expected.

2.There is no virtue in holding steadfast to a belief, just because you believe in it. When new or better information presents itself, we should take it into account and adjust accordingly. It is all right to change your mind. Sometimes, it is even courageous.

Teach them the story of Captain Moroni and Pahoran, from Alma 60. Captain Moroni was fighting a war to protect his people from slavery to the Lamenites. He was told by Pahoran, their “President”, that he would send Moroni’s armies regular shipments of food and supllies. For many days, food did not come. The people were starving. Moroni wrote a very angry letter. He said that Pahoran had betrayed him and his people. He accused Pahoran of breaking his promise. Moroni said that God told him that if Pahoran did not send food, he should march into the Captial with his armies and dethrone them.

Turns out, Moroni had it all wrong. Pahoran was kicked out of his position, and was in hiding. Wicked men prevented Pahoran from sending the food Moroni needed. Pahoran understood that Moroni was angry because he did not understand the full situation. They mended their friendship, and worked together to get the Nephite armies the food they really needed.

The 3 year old will learn in time, as you’re setting a great example of love.

How did you talk to Daughter 1 afterwards? I would be concerned with what is going on in her mind, and how she will learn to respond to others in society.