Help me find meaning…

Hi Tom,

We’ve all got very different experiences, as well as many different beliefs here on StayLDS. But what really helped me, was a book entitled “When Mormons Doubt”. It’s by Jon Ogden, and you can buy the kindle version on Amazon.com for $2. The basis premis is this:

Just because something isn’t true, doesn’t mean it isn’t good or beautiful. The Church, at least in part, is beautiful and good. Try to wrap your mind around the notion “The Church isn’t true.” What value does it still provide? Does it make people happy? Does it inspire people to do good, and develop virtue? Can in still cause a TBM to live a happy and fulfilling life? Can a non-believer like myself still be inspired by it?

Another source that really helped give me perspective is the blog at http://www.churchistrue.com/. It’s purpose is to help members like us come to terms with the more troubling aspects of the LDS Church, and take on a new paradigm focused on “goodness” rather than “absolute truth”.

Best of luck on your journey, my friend.

Very well said, Dande. Thanks for sharing.

I agree with Dande, there is meaning in that the church does allow for some peace and happiness, if not for us as individuals it does so for others. There are opportunities for service, in some places more than others. The church does inspire people to do good and along with many other things it does teach the pure doctrine of Christ (often we just have to weed out the other stuff). I don’t have a lot of friends at church. In fact, I believe if you want to find out who your friends are just stop coming for awhile – you will probably be surprised. But the friends I do have a good people who are doing their best to love their neighbors, to serve, and to act on their beliefs. There are others who do the same. I have learned to mostly ignore those who are there for themselves (the Pharisees).

I’m not one who “knows” our Heavenly Father loves me and hears and answers all prayers (I believe he doesn’t answer all prayers, actually). I don’t even know God exists at all. Likewise, I don’t “know” Jesus Christ is the Son of God born to a virgin and all that stuff and I don’t “know” that he is my Savior. I do hope God and Jesus both exist and are at least partly what we are taught they are. I’d like to believe more and more deeply, but at this point that’s not likely. I “choose to believe” in that sense – simply that I hope it’s true.

I don’t believe the BoM is a literal historical account, nor literal at all. I believe it is very possible Joseph Smith made it up, along with a lot of other stuff. I find the BoM tedious to read, and much prefer the Bible (which I also believe is mostly not literal). But, I do see that the BoM is a good book that can and does bring people closer to God and Christ. If it works for them, that’s great and I can accept that and I can also find good in it.

In the end we all have to find our own path (AKA middle way). It’s not all black and white, it’s not either true or not true.

I find it funny how as a TBM, I often thought, “If I could just get them to see the church as I see it, they’d learn to love the gospel as I do.” And now, I find myself feeling similarly in that if I could just help them understand some of these problems as I do, they’d see that these things can’t possibly be literal.

I’ve learned we cannot force others to shift their paradigms to adopt ours. There is beauty in the diversity of experience. But it is human nature to seek out a community of like-minded individuals, and I am finding it harder to feel a desire to fellowship with those whom I assume (perhaps incorrectly) would treat me differently if I revealed where my mind is at. This online community helps though.

There are some lessons and experiences in life that are best learned by changing paradigms, and seeing it from the different perspectives you have described.

To me, that is how you increase in wisdom…expanding your views on things. And not just thinking it conceptually…but really know it by living by those principles.

That’s a great way to put it. I just had a quote from Bruce Lee pop up in my Facebook feed: “I do not believe in styles anymore. I do not believe that there is such thing as the Chinese way of fighting or the Japanese way of fighting or whatever way of fighting…because styles tend to not only separate man, you know, because they have their own doctrines and the doctrine became the gospel truth that you cannot change. But, if you do not have styles, if you just say ‘here I am as a human being, how can I express myself totally and completely?’ Now that way you won’t create a style because style is a crystallization, you know, I mean that way, it’s a process of continuing growth.”

Of course, he wasn’t talking about religion, but I think what he’s saying really fits this conversation. Once we’ve found ourselves in a place where we don’t really find meaning in being LDS the way we once did, we’re free to find that meaning in any way that will benefit us. It really opens up our options. We can let go of the things that were once so black-and-white, and we can adjust our manner of worship to something that brings more meaning to us individually. Then, our relationship with God (in whatever form we feel that may be), is something that we define, without the church being an intermediary.

Once we’ve found ourselves in a place where we don’t really find meaning in being LDS the way we once did, we’re free to find that meaning in any way that will benefit us. It really opens up our options. We can let go of the things that were once so black-and-white, and we can adjust our manner of worship to something that brings more meaning to us individually. Then, our relationship with God (in whatever form we feel that may be), is something that we define, without the church being an intermediary.

Bingo! That is when religion is bigger than church. Religion is about our life experience and how we approach it, how we apply it to our lives. Church is like a gym where we go to practice and exercise and workout…but is not real life. And there is not only one workout routine, we can do it however we need to.

Once I separate out church and gospel, and church and religion in my life, I can return to church and hear statements like this from the church:

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles described how gospel principles can benefit us: “Principles are concentrated truth, packaged for application to a wide variety of circumstances. A true principle makes decisions clear even under the most confusing and compelling circumstances”

“As you seek spiritual knowledge, search for principles. Carefully separate them from the detail used to explain them. … It is worth great effort to organize the truth we gather to simple statements of principle” (“Acquiring Spiritual Knowledge,” 86).(“Acquiring Spiritual Knowledge,” Ensign, Nov. 1993, 86).

…and that speaks to me. That makes me feel like I see the church teachings differently than I did before…but…actually…what they are saying is good stuff I can use in my life.

Focus on the principles…not the details. And as Holy Cow puts it…”we’re free to find that meaning in a way that will benefit us. It really opens our options.”

We begin to own our religion, our testimony, our truth. It becomes mine. And I bet, DT…how you find ways to do it will be different than how I find I do it. And there’s beauty in that.

I love how I view our theology, since I see it incredibly expansive and open to evolution through increased light and knowledge.

Seriously, I love it FAR more than anything else in Christianity. I have to include “how I see” and not just “the theology” – but I truly do love how I see the theology.

I love almost all of the people.

I love the safe upbringing the Church gave me.

I love the fact that I see tendencies in my extended family that normally would lead to extensive addiction issues – but, almost completely, did not due to the Word of Wisdom.

I love being able to be a voice for people who are different – being able to give them something that validates them and helps them realize they have a place.

I love the complicated Joseph Smith – much more than the one-dimensional stereotypes portrayed by the extremely orthodox Mormons and the anti-Mormons.

There is a lot, even as I recognize and try to influence the negative aspects.