Ethical ways of dealing with exclusionary policies — Are these viable?

You shouldn’t need a TR to ordain the priesthood or to give father’s blessings, so those plans are good.

Also…because the rules are setup for this, a discussion ahead of time with the bishop is a good way to express your desire to do things and you asking him for permission to do it to avoid problems, and avoid last minute surprises.

I also find it worthwhile to meet the worthiness standards (even if nuanced) to try to participate in these family rituals, whenever possible. To me, it’s worth it…a small price to pay for the family experience…regardless of my underlying beliefs on church matters.

Good suggestions SD.

I have always kind of heard that if you have a TR, then it is assumed you are good to go for performing an ordinance. If you don’t have a TR that doesn’t mean you CAN’T, but you then need to discuss with your Bishop/SP to validate you are worthy enough to perform the ordinance.

Right, it’s a crap shoot whether they let you ordain to the priesthood though, even to a priest I believe. The handbook indicates the Bishop might deny you that if you do not have one. Check the new handbook.

My strategy has been one of inaction. When the Bishop has a metric he wants to achieve, then he comes after us about it. He’ll want to see my son advanced. So he will invite me to discuss it. None of our family members will initiate the conversation. It puts the Bp in a bit of an awkward position…”I’d like permission to approach your son about becoming a priest, but in spite of the fact you attend semi-regularly, do home teaching and fulfil a calling, I don’t want you to do the ordination”.

I don’t think he could say that and expect to sustain commitment.

Now, you approach the Bp “my son is about to turn 16 and would like to be a priest. Could I ordain him?”

That’s a different story because now he thinks he’s got you, and YOU want something.

Where you run into the problems in the church is when YOU want something. Then they want to assert their extrinsic motivators — you need to get a TR, you need to change this or that, etcetera. And I don’t play that game anymore.

It’s sad — when they think you are on the edge, they are nice to you. When they think they’ve got you, they take you for granted.

I personally love the mother’s blessings that Lucy Mack Smith would give. There is nothing strictly wrong with a woman giving a blessing of faith as long as she does not invoke the priesthood. However, it appears that this is frowned upon and most women would be very hesitant.

2) For my daughter — the same thing — a blessing after she is sealed, with her husband present if she wants. Advice to both of them. Make it spiritual. A spiritual meeting like that could make exclusion from the temple less biting. Non-member family could also be present?

I have a small suggested tweak on this one. I would give the blessing before the marriage. Many TBM households give father’s blessing before the new school year. What could be more natural than to give a blessing before beginning the married stage of life?

Once she is married you have much less control.

I see your point, but I think that holding it almost right AFTER the sealing makes it almost part of the whole experience. Excluded from the actual ceremony, but included afterwards by exercising the priesthood — do you see what I mean?