And so, My Son is a Home Teacher – how to make a positive experience?

… a limited visit with my son could help him learn to put serving others on the radar…

I think this is the key to the whole thing. When I think back to when I was 14 and assigned to HT with an intensely TBM HP, it was not a fun experience. I was expected to teach a lesson every other month to all of our families, and each visit was at least an hour long. For a 14 year old, that’s an eternity! 😆 About a year later, my father asked if him and I could be assigned together, and I really preferred his method of home teaching. We would stop by each of his families with a plate of cookies or something. With the active families, he would hand them their cookies on the doorstep, ask them how they were doing, etc. It was a 5 minute conversation on the doorstep, which sometimes included a brief reference to that month’s Ensign message, but not a full-blown lesson by any means. For the inactive families, he would deliver the same plate of cookies, and we would usually go in and talk about anything that came up, which was almost never anything to do with the church. It was just a stop to talk to friends. We also never wore ties, and more often than not, we would go in jeans and t-shirts. I tended to use that same approach when I went on a mission; focusing more time on the less active members, and being willing to just spend time with them without trying to commit them to anything.

My thoughts exactly. I was wondering about getting him dressed up or not. For a kid his age, that’s a big deal. I tended to simply shoot the breeze with people when used to home teach anyway. I was thinking of canning the FP message as well, and just being there briefly to be a friend, and then get out of there.

It partly depends on the expectations of the family though. You go to a family with traditional values, they could even complain you aren’t dressed for HT properly to the priesthood leader you report to.

I think I should scout the territory first and the figure otu what to do with him after I understand the lay of the land…

Ask each family what they want. Try to follow what they say.

A different approach for different people would be a wonderful example for your son.

We had a good conversation today where I told him I’ll figure out the level of contact they want, and as long as we meet them at the level of contact they want, we have been good home teachers.

Funny, I asked him what he thought Jesus would do if he went to a home and the person said he didn’t want to see Jesus. He looked at me as if I’d just asked a stupid question and said “Like, maybe stop visiting them???”. A 14 year old boy can see it better than the designers of our own program…

SD,

One approach would be to pick someone from your list of five families that just needs company, or someone to stop by and show they care, then focus on that family as a first one. In fact, you could consider volunteering to pick up a widow or disabled person just for this purpose. If you have or can get a family like that, maybe not only SD Jr, but also Sister SD with you, too.

HT’ing can seem very pointless if it is treated it like a checkbox, but my most rewarding experiences have been with people who really needed it. For example, for awhile, I home taught a family with a disaffected member husband and a believing wife. I made it clear that I was not a believer myself, but that I wanted to visit them because maybe my unique perspective could help. The husband was open and the wife was grateful and it was a great experience.

I also have an experience from my childhood that might be worth something. When I was a young man (11?), my mom met an elderly woman at the hospital where my mom was working. This woman was in her mid-80’s, was a widow, an immigrant from Hungary, and had no family living close by. She wasn’t a member of the Church. My mom helped her with whatever she was trying to do at the hospital, then asked if she could stop by with some treats or a meal or something. It started a long string of visits over the years, in which I accompanied my parents. We would just sit and talk for an hour with this lonely woman. I always, always, got some homemade treats of some kind. I still remember her gratitude, kindness, and her gnarled, arthritic hands. I also remember the kindness of my busy parents (who both worked) to take the time to do this. It was a great and memorable family experience.

I also have an experience from my childhood that might be worth something. When I was a young man (11?), my mom met an elderly woman at the hospital where my mom was working. This woman was in her mid-80’s, was a widow, an immigrant from Hungary, and had no family living close by. She wasn’t a member of the Church. My mom helped her with whatever she was trying to do at the hospital, then asked if she could stop by with some treats or a meal or something. It started a long string of visits over the years, in which I accompanied my parents. We would just sit and talk for an hour with this lonely woman. I always, always, got some homemade treats of some kind. I still remember her gratitude, kindness, and her gnarled, arthritic hands. I also remember the kindness of my busy parents (who both worked) to take the time to do this. It was a great and memorable family experience.

My daughter would complain (a lot) about how I smelled when I came home from a certain woman’s house. And she really didn’t like being along for the visit. But fifteen or so years down the road she felt thankful to have done it. It hit her strongly one day while away at college. I’m not saying to disregard your son now to teach him a lesson, but just saying the delay is long sometimes.