Hey, Doc, it hurts when I do "this."

I don’t know why, but all the historical problems don’t bug me, or the fact that they are always going on about the restoration, BoM, etcetera. Perhaps focus on doing good and let everyone stay in their little restoration bubble — it makes them happy, some of them, so be content that they have something that work for them? I think I have developed that attitude — definitely toward my daughter and wife. there are so many people who are adrift and unhappy with life and their circumstances — the fact that some people find comfort in the LDS version of religion is something to focus on, and reap sanity benefits from.

Stay sane by putting boundaries on your service, while completely avoiding any explanations that make you look like a doubter. I had to meet with my Bishop recently and I got out of the meeting with him wanting me to be a leader! I voiced a lot of concerns, and made a couple blunt statements about the failings of the church in my case. But I made these comments from the armchair of testimony “Such and such really bothers me and at times has kept me serving based on testimony alone” — stuff like that, which was true in my case, as I do have spiritual experiences on which to rely. I never mentioned once that I had been inactive for stretches as long as 5-7 years, or that my commitment problems borne of STUPID BEHAVIOR from leaders and members alike then exposed me to stuff I wasn’t aware of — like polyandry, Kinderhook plates, watered down history meant to sustain commitment , etcetera. Those things bother me too, but heck, if those untruths make people happy well, so be it. I’m not one to disturb their bubble…

Situations like yours Ann are where I end up seeing myself as an observer. A puzzled and confused observer, but nonetheless an observer. The doctor’s advice isn’t so bad in this case though – if it hurts to go to special things like a Good Friday program that is anything but about Good Friday, then don’t do that! I recognize that’s much more difficult with regular Sunday services, but it is still possible to act like the observer or checkout and do your own mental thing (which is what I tend to do).

I like it when speakers take the time to give high level retellings of the restoration. Those talks help me to remember the details that I tend to forget, like:

Which verse was it in James that got the ball rolling? James 3:3?

Who had the first vision again?

Who showed up in the first vision? … well, in one of the visions at least.

“[blank] the Baptist”? Jimmy the Baptist? Jacelyn the Baptist? I know it starts with a “J.” I’ll have to listen closely to see if they mention it again.

Peter, James, and John restored the Male Chicklet priesthood.

😈

Ok, so I’m being sarcastic. Now I’ll be a little apologetic. (sorry for both)

1) I’m surprised that our church did anything at all for Good Friday. I haven’t seen anything like that. In fact my non-member family always asked me, “Is your church doing anything special for Easter?” and the best answer I could give as an orthodox believer was, “No but that’s because every Sunday is special.” 🙂

2) If you don’t mind, I’m going to Quantum Leap into the guy giving the talk you heard yesterday.

“Oh crap, I’ve got to give a talk.”

“What do I say?”

“I don’t know, I’ll think about it tomorrow.”

“Oh no, it’s Friday morning and I still haven’t written out my talk.”

“It will be okay. I’ve been a member of the church for decades, I’ll just fall back on my testimony and what I know.”

Yeah, the real guy giving the talk didn’t do that, this is me projecting, but it introduces a few points. We have a lay, inexperienced clergy… a lay, inexperienced clergy that has learned through observation and example for years and years. Talks at church are supposed to incorporate the restoration because so many talks and lessons at church have incorporated the restoration narrative. It’s almost a given. It’s steeped in the culture.

Compare that with other churches where it’s someone’s job to speak about religion and spirituality, someone that has experience and training, someone who knows that many congregants only show up to church twice a year so this is their moment to reel them into regular activity, and it’s an impressive, no holds barred production. Meanwhile at our church it’s just one more thing for volunteers to muscle through before they prepare to do their two other callings, a full time job, and raising a family.

3) Taking points 1 & 2… yeah, our Good Friday events probably aren’t going to be great. I imagine that we don’t have much practice as a culture doing them and when we do hold them it’s someone stressing about fulfilling an assignment and falling back to familiar themes. Me projecting again but a talk assignment is something that is “survived.”

End apologetics.

I hope you don’t leave regular activity at StayLDS. I’ll try to talk more about Jesus and stuff. Pinky-promise.

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I think I could possibly become more of an observer if I was able to back down on being such a member. My wife is still very TBM and follows all the rules, so I need to support her by attending. It helped when I was moved from a leadership position and put into primary, but even that is hard. I do think if I could just step back a bit, not attend for a while, I might be able to attend with less resentment. I could come back when I have healed. Or using Ann’s analogy – stop doing the thing that hurts for a while and let it heal. I realize I may like it so much I never want to return.

And SD, it is interesting how we all have our different triggers. There are some big common ones (polygamy, Book of Abraham, treatment of women and gays in the church, historical whitewashing, etc.) but I have seen that there are some things that don’t bother one person that can make someone else an apostate in 5 minutes.

Hugs to you Ann in working this out. I can’t quite tell if you are saying, “I won’t generally be posting any more”. If so, please check in every once in a while to let us know how it is going and what you have learned about yourself. Your comments have helped me in the healing I have had so far in my journey and I thank you for that – deeply.

I don’t know, LH, I think it’s very possible to be active and even participate while being an observer. Sometimes I do quietly observe (there’s little other choice in SM) and at other times I make comments about what I observe. And sometimes I just retreat into my phone/tablet. It’s not that I don’t feel a part of the community, I do. And some of what the community does or others in the community do bugs me. I think I sort of live on the edge of the community where I can see what’s happening but I’m not on the parade route and don’t feel compelled to attend the parades. Sometimes watching is kind of fun, sometimes (most of the time) it’s boring. I am often bemused. I think the whole key is to be able to disconnect from it emotionally.

(That said, something said last week in F&TM has bugged me all week.)

Thanks for the post and the update, Ann. It is important to see and understand both.

We naturally remember one bad thing over 7-8 good things. I love the hymns, largely because the good:bad ratio is much higher than 8:1 – and because I love music so much. If a ward is singing the “bad” anywhere close to as often as the “good”, the person who chooses the hymns is doing it wrong. Just saying.

I made the mistake of paying attention to some of the words. 😮 Our ward likes the “war” themed hymns. The ones where there are foes and they are gonna get what’s coming to them. I’m surprised by how much that theme comes up in hymns.

But ignore what I just said. I don’t want to ruin the hymns for you. :thumbup:

I was already right there with you on this. There are several that I won’t sing.

All that lovingly done work to put this together, and the speaker can’t just tell the simple story?

This reminds me of a time when the RS had put together an enrichment activity event around the 5 Love Languages. DW and I had some familiarity with this book and concept and so we signed up to attend (husbands were invited). The guest speaker (someone from stake leadership) admitted that he had not read the book and spent the entire allotted time speaking on how the gospel makes marriages stronger.

I had two thoughts:

1) Why would they ask someone to speak that had no knowledge of the subject matter?

2) Did I really get a baby sitter for this?