LDS dating crisis

Interesting.

I also wonder how it compares to LDS dating in other areas, like California.

And also dating outside the faith in a place like California.

Kelly Blake* is painfully aware of the horrible odds. A single Mormon in her late thirties, Blake is a reporter for a Salt Lake City television station. When Blake attends singles events for Mormons, she said there are often two women for every one man. As a result, Blake rarely meets suitable men in these settings and often winds up spending most of her time chatting with other women. “I’ll go on a [Mormon] singles cruise and come away with no dates but all these incredible new girlfriends,” Blake told me.

The lopsided numbers encourage Mormon men to hold out for the perfect wife, Blake said. “I call it the paradox of choice,” she explained. “For men, there are so many choices that choices are not made. The dream for the Mormon man is to get married and have six kids. As he ages, his dream never changes. But when you’re a thirty-seven-year-old woman, you’ve already aged out of that dream.”

I know a few single men in the church, never married, in their 50s, and they wouldn’t characterize their current ‘fate’ in those terms. They aren’t vacillating between settling for a 9.7 or a 9.9, they’re desperately worried about making any connection at all. It’s not just a date that’s on the line, it’s salvation and companionship.

Maybe passing on a 9.7 to hold out for the 9.9 works on the subconscious level but I think that’s being a little unfair to the men. At least the ones I know. The Richard G. Scott quote in the article cut those friends to the quick. They weren’t partying and delaying responsibilities, they were growing increasingly desperate and the desperation had more of an affect on making a connection than any supposed desire to sow wild oats.

Maybe the 9.7 vs 9.9 argument comes into play more for the 18 – 22 year olds, not the 31+ year olds. Time is on the side of the young.

Plus I find some humor in the quoted paragraphs. Blake can’t meet suitable men on the cruise because there isn’t enough choice and the men on the cruise can’t meet suitable women because there’s too much choice. There’s a Woody Alan film in there someplace.

I forgot what it’s like to be single (sorry, it’s true) but if I were on a LDS singles cruise I’d be FAR too intimidated to approach an individual in a group of girls that had cliqued up to ask any of them out. I’m a wuss like that.

The dream for the Mormon man is to get married and have six kids.

Exhibit A in how people know nibbler is a convert.

You wanted a full DOZEN???

The dream for the Mormon man is to get married and have six kids. As he ages, his dream never changes. But when you’re a thirty-seven-year-old woman, you’ve already aged out of that dream

I’m not really sure that applied to me. I was 30 (almost 31) when I married. Here in the east pickins are slim and I was looking for a specific type of partner (not perfect mind you, but smart and independent, no “number scale” involved) and we eventually did meet. I wanted kids, not necessarily 6, and we ended up with 4. I think my wife, who is a couple years younger might have wanted more, but at the time and circumstance nor more made sense and it seems to be working out in the long run. My dream has definitely changed over time and I am far from living the dream. FWIW, I’m glad I married “late” and would not do that differently had I to do it over.

speaking as someone who has been on a “singles cruise” recently, I see both sides of this. Yes, there were more women than men. However, it was very obvious to me that the girls ran in “cliches” and as has been pointed out, how many of us really have the desire or guts to get in the middle of a group of girls and single one out? I have also tried the on-line dating. I have found that most women don’t respond to me unless they already know me. Full disclosure: I admit to being picky, but with me it is more about the perceived intelligence than the looks.

Finally, I would like to understand the rationale behind the statement “Her best bet is to move to California and marry outside the faith.” Was this just an opinion or is it based on something factual? I ask because maybe I should move to California as well.