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So, as you know, the teachers council I do has been faltering at different times. Weak attendance, no support from the top leadership. Stuff like that. I show up prepared but the Bishopric and SS Presidency aren’t supporting it. SS Presidency is a retired high school teacher. SS 1st counselor is a doctor who also teaches medical students at a university. I met with the SS presidency (President and 1st Counselor) today. It was tough at first.
1. SS President starts by saying he doesn’t see any results from the Teachers Council, doesn’t think it’s important. Off to a good start.
2. Lots of rambling talk and philosophy about teaching and the ward, but no action.
3. Although they had both attended at least 1 or 2 Teachers councils, they indicated they didn’t know what it was or what their responsibility is with it.
4. Indicated they didn’t know who the teachers are in the Ward.
5. They don’t attend Ward council and can’t get there due to transportation or scheduling issues. Said they would be fine if I attended it in their absence.
Basically, it was the same old same old I’ve seen at different times in the church. Although I’ve had a few really good presidencies, most of the time, I end up doing everything. Leaders don’t take responsibility. While this isn’t always the case, it was the case this time.
Now that I’ve seen how rewarding it is to recruit good people in my own organization, give them good support, and then get out of the way, I sat there feeling a tremendous amount of “wanting to quit”. So tired of working with unmotivated people — particularly when I report to them. Seriously. I’m downright sick of it.
But as Ray said, this calling has been created for me, and it’s better than any other callings I might be called to. At least I’m contributing in an area I find interesting and important.
So I thought I’d dig in and try to change the situation. I was kind and matter of fact at the same time. Not overbearing, just forthright.
Outcomes
1. I explained the results we had seen from the teacher’s council — results they may not have seen since they are not in all classes. The list was actually pretty long. That during their philosophizing, it was clear we all see a need to improve teaching in the Ward.
2. Then I told them about all my personal commitments and how I simply did not have time to shoulder attending Ward Council, getting the teachers there, running the council etcetera. .
3. Mentioned that attending Ward council and getting people to the Teachers Council wasn’t my responsibility. That we have two people called to help this go (them), and it would be a shame to see them underutilized when I have so much going.
4. Told them that initiatives led from the bottom never work. That it’s hard on the volunteers when there is perceived lack of support from the top down. And that I was feeling it.
5. Indicated that if as a presidency they didn’t feel this was important, we can just let the Teachers Council limp along with whoever shows up. That at this point in my church service, I really am tired of being in these situations where I have to do everything. I was pretty frank about that. I noticed the 1st Counselor, the doctor, really took notice when I said that and seemed to approve even.
Anyway, the first counselor asked the SS president what he wanted him to do. It came out that we would meet again in two weeks, the SS Pres delegated to his counselor to get the list of people who are teachers in the Ward.
Comments on the meeting?
Sounds great SD. I love how you were assertive and honest in expressing your needs and commitments. You also gave them the option of just letting the teacher’s counsel limp along with no support and weak attendance if that is what they want. There was no ultimatum, no emotional outbursts or personal attacks. Well handled!
:thumbup: I think it’s good you had the opportunity to express your frustrations as well. In this intervening time, it might be good if you suggest to them that they read the portion of the manual that outlines their responsibility in the program. Truth is you’re doing their job for them. I think you handled it as well as possible – and having things continue as they are is not a bad option, given the success you are seeing. Roy wrote:
Sounds great SD. I love how you were assertive and honest in expressing your needs and commitments. You also gave them the option of just letting the teacher’s counsel limp along with no support and weak attendance if that is what they want. There was no ultimatum, no emotional outbursts or personal attacks.Well handled!
:thumbup:
Thanks. It’s amazing what you can when you don’t care about your status or what people think of you in the Ward anymore, within reason.
DarkJedi wrote:
I think it’s good you had the opportunity to express your frustrations as well. In this intervening time, it might be good if you suggest to them that they read the portion of the manual that outlines their responsibility in the program. Truth is you’re doing their job for them.
We did pull up the manual and read what the SS Presidency is supposed to do with it.
Old Timer wrote:
I think you handled it as well as possible – and having things continue as they are is not a bad option, given the success you are seeing.
But I’m getting bored of it. Same people very time. I don’t have much new to share.
We had a couple move into the ward. Both are seasoned teachers of primary age, youth and adults. So, I asked them to do the Teachers Council at the end of the month. At that time I’m meeting with the Sunday School Presidency a second time. That gives me a break, practices what I’ve been preaching — guest speakers, a variety of types of learning experiences, etcetera. Plus triples my overall effectiveness.
I am thinking of calling the Stake Sunday School president and asking him if he wouldn’t mind sitting down with the SS Presidency for an orientation. That’s his job, the SSP, and those people are often underutilized. I know that the Bishop would normally invite the stake, but I don’t think our new Bishop will care. Unlike our last one, he’s a “just keep store” Bishop who is kind of worn out from church service. I don’t see him doing much extra given his burnout.
One thing I have to do is curb my own judgmental attitude toward what I used to call “half milers” — people who don’t work. I felt that angst toward the SS Presidency when the first words to fall from his lips was the teachers’ council was unimportant in ineffective. In spite of my efforts.
That’s wrong for me to think that way. And it’s just as wrong as traditional believers labeling the unorthodox as “Jack Mormons”. Or attributing their less activity to black and white, sinful motives. So I have to check that judgmentalism at the door.
I am trying to look at this as exercise in charity toward the Sunday School Presidency. Neither are administrators. And the SS President also shared his feelings of not being accepted by the SS Teachers. That is par for the course, I’ve learned — if they are there out of a sense of duty, many don’t want to improve, be given unsolicited constructive feedback, etcetera. So I helped him see that being rejected at first is normal – and that it shouldn’t be taken personally. He’s also a visible minority and I sensed he thinks he’s being discrimminated against. So, there needs to be compassion for that. So the way I approach him about it may well be instrumental in helping him feel accepted in the Ward.
I told him that you have to be a “warm blanket” and be appreciative of the teachers at first, supportive, and do nothing but build relationships at first until they trust you. He replied “that’s not my personality”.
However, myself and the 1st Counselor can be warm blankets.
Anyway, we’ll see how this evolves. I was asked to be the SS President a while ago and there are times I wish I’d have accepted it. It was the way it was framed — as plugging holes when people don’t show up. And you know how I feel about THAT. It was why I rejected the calling.
What do you think of the idea of getting the Stake SS President involved?SilentDawning wrote:
What do you think of the idea of getting the Stake SS President involved?
My first thought is “Why?”
I could see it going badly in so many ways and ending in hurt feelings on both sides. What is the upside?
Don’t do anything that will bring more frustration or exhaustion into your life. Do the things you feel good about, things you think can help others, and then let the chips fall where they may. Try some things, see what you feel good about it what doesn’t work, and move forward realizing it is all as it should be. They are lucky to have you, you are lucky to have these opportunities from them instead of being ignored. It is as it should be. There is no wrong approach if you go into it with faith and love and unselfishness.
Also…if they want you to attend ward council and do other meetings and you have the energy for it…they will keep letting you do as much as you will take on. So keep to the boundaries you have established over time.
Roy wrote:
SilentDawning wrote:
What do you think of the idea of getting the Stake SS President involved?
My first thought is “Why?”
I could see it going badly in so many ways and ending in hurt feelings on both sides. What is the upside?
The upside is the Stake SS Presidency might give some training. Most don’t do anything at all. But I see it’s kind of like going over their heads. I think I should just leave it alone based on your feedback.
@heber13, I don’t want to go to Ward council. My angst at this point is in putting effort into so many things end then ending up doing them all myself because people aren’t reliable. Occasionally you get some committed people in the wards I’ve attended, but it’s the exception not the norm. So, to have to go to Ward Council is off the list for me.
SD
Yeah, I imagine if the ward SS presidency was given the same job description as you – need to fill holes when someone doesn’t show up – then training on how to improve teaching styles is not really something that they are excited about. SilentDawning wrote:
The upside is the Stake SS Presidency might give some training. Most don’t do anything at all.
Sort of like the office of church patriarch….
I have told you previously in other threads that I think you need to let go of unrealistic expectations and the dissatisfaction you feel when they aren’t met. Honestly, I think this a good example. You want to be challenged in everything you do – which is not a negative thing, in and of itself. However, it leads easily and often to boredom and disappointment – and the desire to move on to the next good opportunity.
My advice:
Stick it out and do the best you can in your situation. You are doing good, even if it is with the same people each time. Do what you can to improve it, but do it no matter what. You are helping people who need your individual help. Let that be enough in this case. Get your fulfillment in other endeavors.
Old Timer wrote:
Stick it out and do the best you can in your situation. You are doing good, even if it is with the same people each time. Do what you can to improve it, but do it no matter what. You are helping people who need your individual help. Let that be enough in this case.Get your fulfillment in other endeavors.
I only saw this now. I think this is good advice. Particularly the part in bold.
SilentDawning, I think it’s great that you’re trying so hard. I worry a little about burnout. Do what you can, but also don’t run faster than you have strength. I remember that BoredInVernal did the Niblets. It was a bloggernacle awards that we did on Mormon Matters, and Wheat & Tares. Steve Evans threw a fit and didn’t appreciate the work she did. So we went a year without Niblets. I thought it was a cool project, changed the title to Wheaties (which matched our blog theme) and picked up the torch. I’ve been doing it ever since. I also fully realize that if I don’t do it, it won’t get done. I think it is appreciated, but I don’t see anyone racing to help me either, so it’s one of those things I must do if I want to keep it alive. And if I change my mind (which is ok), it will probably get dropped.
I have a hard time letting go of things I know will get dropped. But I also know that I must keep myself sane. Some of the old timers here remember me. It was hard to step away from StayLDS for a while, but I was juggling too many torches, and had to let some go for a few years so I didn’t get burned. I’m back, but I don’t know that I can participate as much as I did in the past. And that’s ok. I’ll help where I can. I’ll drop off if I need to. This site is in good hands, and good to see Hawkgrrl, Ray, On Own Now, and others who have picked up the torch in my absence (or kept carrying it without resting!) I’ll do what I can, but I’m not going to be a martyr either. To thine own self be true. Once again, don’t run faster than you have strength. It’s ok to take a break if you need it. It sounds like it’s a tough emotional burden, and if people drop the ball, don’t over-react is all I’m saying. I get frustrated when people don’t pull their weight too, and I’m trying to do better. Don’t be too hard on them or yourself.
Mormon Heretic – It is wonderful to see your name and face again. (I know it’s not your face. It’s the face the artist painted you with but still…). Thanks for all the bloggernacle work you do. Wheat and Tares is one of my “must drop by” places. Please hang out as long as you can. mormonheretic wrote:
SilentDawning, I think it’s great that you’re trying so hard. I worry a little about burnout. Do what you can, but also don’t run faster than you have strength.It’s not that taxing really. Only once a month. Again, I’m finding that if I want to people to do things that are not part of their passions or skill set, it ends up with push-back from them, and unhappiness for me.
I tried to get our SS Presidency to step up, and they had no interest. My question is what homework did the Bishopric do to make sure they had the right person in the the SS President position? He’s a placeholder, and frankly, and obstacle to progress now. It’s evidence of the conscription model, or lack of thought in progress…
So, it’s clear that whatever I do, I’ll have to do myself.
I won’t kill myself over it. But it does reinforce the idea that my $$ are better directed to philanthropic causes in my non-profit where I get to recruit the right kind of people to my organization — people who are generally well educated in their field, have achievement motivation, and signed up because they want to be there. They understand project management and how to get things done, and they are co-missioned with our own goals as an organization. It’s frustrating to me to give so much $$ to an organization like the church that seems to demand so much, yet has so little in place to encourage day to day excellence. Give it to my own organization and you get tangible results.
Think about it — you’ve got a professional teacher making a difference in the Ward. The guy is working hard, reliable, initiating meetings to discuss improving teaching in the Ward. The SS president tells him he doesn’t think the Teachers Council is important, blows off meetings with the guy, and doesn’t follow through on assignments. Tries to sluff off his responsibilities for attending Ward council onto the teacher’s council guy when he has a perfectly good counselor. Counselor somehow arranges to be released after the initial meeting when we make a few simple plans (like get a list of all the teachers in the Ward). I think the counselor asked for the release when he saw he was going to have to do something….
Anyway, time for charity. At least the degree to which I can push myself is limited in the Teachers Council position. There’s only so much you can do unlike being a priesthood leader or a Bishop or counselor…
SilentDawning wrote:
I tried to get our SS Presidency to step up, and they had no interest. My question is what homework did the Bishopric do to make sure they had the right person in the the SS President position? He’s a placeholder, and frankly, and obstacle to progress now. It’s evidence of the conscription model, or lack of thought in progress…
It all depends on what the church (specifically the local leaders in this case) is trying to accomplish. For instance, is their focus smoothly running programs or is it giving someone a responsibility so they feel included in the community?
Would a BP rather have someone reject a calling that they aren’t interested in or accept the calling and do a halfhearted job with the idea that anything they can get out of that person is better than the nothing they’d get if they rejected the calling.
It will depend on the person, the circumstances, the goals, and the urgency.
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