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To be honest I was skeptical after reading the title; to me it sounded almost like, “Secrets of achieving financial success from people that declared bankruptcy.” I mean there are statistics that have been reported that 2nd and 3rd marriages are even more likely to end in divorce than first marrages and I know some people that have been married 3 or 4 times. So that’s why I wondered how much many of these people that get divorced have really learned their lesson the hard way versus how much they are likely to remain victims of the same patterns of thinking and behavior that didn’t work very well for them the first time around. For example, how well are they typically able to see what they could have done differently, or do they tend to mostly blame their ex and act as if their only mistake was choosing the wrong marriage partner? But after reading this list I thought some of the points like “the grass is not always greener”, not expecting perfection, etc. were actually spot on as far as at least trying to avoid some fairly common threats to marriage.
I hear what you say DA. I have seen several people that I get to know that seem to never learn and just burn through marriages. I have also seen some that had a bad marriage and then an absolutely great second marriage. I admit in the latter category some of them to me were clearly a very reasonable person that would do OK in a relationship had married someone that had serious mental/emotional/relationship issues and then really tried to make it work until they were nearly broken. Then when they divorced and married someone else, everything was “great” in comparison. So maybe it did nothing more that reset expectations so low, they were easily meet and that gave ground for true love to blossom. LookingHard wrote:
maybe it did nothing more that reset expectations so low…
More likely…they found someone they were more compatible with, and now have a real possibility for true happiness so they can do the kinds of things that make relationships work.
I liked reading through the list, mom3. Thanks for sharing. Good thoughts for couples.
Unfortunately, if you have only one person in the marriage trying the 21 things listed…it makes little difference. It is as simple as that.
It is good to have advice on things we can do in our relationships to be doing the most we can…but it still comes down to 2 people…not just 1.
Agree with everyone of you. Every relationship requires both parties. One sided efforts can’t make anything work.
What I liked about them was 21 small, doable, relationship efforts. Many of them transferable to other relationships.
I am not opposed to divorce. Many marriages and families flourish when fresh starts get made. I am a direct line product of one of those. My purpose in posting was that we sometimes get so wound about our church connection and marriage, we may forget some of the non-church related things we can do to strengthen the relationship.
Best news is – this is free advice. Like those dilapidated couches on the side of the road. If it works. Great. If not. Keep driving. No need to collect more junk.
mom3 wrote:What I liked about them was 21 small, doable, relationship efforts. Many of them transferable to other relationships.
I agree with you too. And it was a great list.
Excellent advice. Thank you.
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