BYU Marginalizes Singles

I hated BYU-approved housing. It was too easy for landlords to exploit.

It almost seems as if BYU does not trust single people- as if getting married magically makes you responsible.

This is exactly the case. The church in general doesn’t trust singles to behave. Same age married couples are asked to “chaperone” singles dances. It’s nutty and insulting.

And yes, I believe that the church culture sees people that are not yet married as generally not fully adult.

It’s even worse if you’re divorced, because you used to be grown up and then reverted to being a child.

Are you a menace to society yet Beefster?

If the cutoff is 25, I will be on Saturday.

It takes as long as it takes. If I’m single until I’m 32, so be it. Soon is good though. I’d kinda like to have sex and stay an active member. And I’m pretty lonely atm, so having a wife would help, at least in theory.

The Church infantilizes single adults. It’s silly and wrong. No reason BYU would be any different.

To me it looks like the Church tends to infantilize adults in general that will let them and Church leaders also meddle in politics to try to restrict typical adult decisions even for non-Mormons and inactive members, married or not. But who is more likely to never drink alcohol, only watch movies or TV shows primarily targeted for PG-13 and younger audiences such as Disney movies, Harry Potter, etc., LDS single adults or LDS adults that are married to another active Church member? Some of the most child-like adults I know are typical married TBM neighbors and relatives. In fact, I think many Church leaders and members would try to argue that this is actually a good thing and a worthwhile goal to aim for (they don’t see it as wrong at all).

It doesn’t surprise me that the Church would treat single adults differently than married people but I think the main reason for this is that LDS single adults actually are significantly more likely to exercise their freedom of choice in ways that defy LDS traditions than those that are married to another active Church member simply because it is typically easier for them to do so whereas those that are married to another active member often have to worry about what their spouse will think about it if they do anything that doesn’t conform to the typical LDS expectations, and furthermore things like drinking, pre-marital sex, porn, wearing “immodest” clothing, etc. will only make it less likely that single adults will get married to another active Mormon because it makes them “unworthy” unless they repent according to the Church. So to me it looks like this kind of thing is not necessarily out of disrespect or maliciousness as much as simply playing the odds and a reflection of Church leaders typically worrying more about LDS single adults than those that are already married.

I personally wish the church would get rid of singles wards wherever possible. They can keep the singles activities, but there are oh so many problems with separating singles out into their own wards. One glaring issue is that it makes it easier for YSAs to slip through the cracks and go inactive without anyone noticing. The YSA ward will assume they’re going to the family ward and vice-versa, leaving nobody to take responsibility. I also object to the idea of treating church as a meat market; I’ve made a personal rule for myself not to flirt during the block. Of course, there’s also the made up callings and shortage of people to look up to. And in Provo, you can slap on an endless supply of talks on marriage.

We send our RMs to single adult wards where they play juvenile games supervised by adult chaperones.

I think it would help us grow up better if we didn’t obsess about dating/marriage and try to force singles into something that should happen naturally. Putting me in with a bunch of people who are just as lost as I am isn’t going to do as much good as putting me in with the rest of everyone else, a mix of people of all ages and walks of life. There are more opportunities for learning by example as well as Youth and Primary leadership. Nothing makes you feel more like an adult than being an adult leader, right? If church members treated singles like actual adults, they would grow up. It’s as simple as that.

The only reason I go to a YSA ward now is because that’s the expectation and thus where I will get the most support. The church is abysmal at not alienating singles outside singles wards, thus family wards are only preferable when you’re going to the ward you grew up in.

IMO, there’s nothing wrong with ‘childish’ games. Growing up is not about what you do or what responsibilities you have; it’s about developing an accurate and responsible outlook on life.

Truth be told, I still don’t feel entirely like an adult, yet I pay (almost) all my bills and live by myself in an apartment I’m paying for with my own money. I’m close though. I just need to pick up the responsibility on the last few bills.

I agree that in the LDS culture people typically aren’t really seen as fully adult until they are married but even then they are typically only expected to make independent adult decisions as far as it doesn’t conflict with many LDS norms and teachings so that’s why I think it’s fair to say the Church tends to infantilize adults in general, not just singles. Basically it is like an overprotective mother trying to make many decisions for her children as if it is for their own good instead of letting them live their own life.

I see your point DA. Those individuals in the hierarchy that try to say that everyone should live the standards in the FTSOY pamphlet are certainly a prime example.