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I’ve been putting off renewing my TR subconsciously until my it expired last month. With encouragement from DW I have interviewed with the bishopric, now I need to see one of the SP councilors. The problem is I haven’t been wearing garments mostly at work because I go from the office area to the shop all day where it is hot and humid. Garments create a layer of moisture against my skin all day gives me a rash, real bad. I can talk about that but there’s more…I work out in the yard often without a shirt and for the last few months I have not worn garments more than I do. I love my cotton t-shirts and wind blowing on my skin on hot days. Bottom line is IMHO being asked to wear garments hundred percent of the time is unreasonable. I feel it’s an effort to impose a moral dress code more than the compelling protection claim. So, I’m not asking what should I say, I don’t know what I’m asking. The church has perfected the method of compelling members from childhood (I figured that out when I was teaching Primary). Then there’s the pressure of keeping the family together. DW has scheduled us along with son and DIL to attend a session this Friday and me not being there will put me in a place I don’t want to be. I am already lone enough with my thoughts and in my head. At this point I will say whatever I need within reason to stay part of this family. I feel sacrificing my integrity is a burden I must bear as opposed to the alternative.
I highly recommend reviewing (again, if that is the case) the temple recommend thread on this question. It is not (to me) an excuse, or mental gymnastics, or dishonest or sacrificing integrity. Simply…clarifying from some perspectives what the question about what the garments is and is NOT. That is important to not overly burden you with things of the temple that are intended to uplift and be spiritual, not weigh down with guilt. The TR questions are asked. And we answer. There does not need to be any secret meaning or wink wink, nudge nudge meaning behind it. Prepare your thoughts before hand, and feel at peace with your answer, and that is all that is required. We add stress when we start wondering what the other person in the interview is thinking and expecting us to say and mean and interpret. Instead…it is between you and God. The interviewer is just there to check all boxes are checked.
Wayfarer eloquently put it in his
comment
Quote:The instructions in the temple are simply to wear the garment throughout your life. Specific logistical details as to how often or when it is to be worn are not provided in the temple. While “throughout your life” is interpreted (note passive voice) as being day and night, such instructions are not explicitly given in the words of the temple ceremonies. The ‘covenant’ of the garment, the two-way promise is that if you wear it throughout your life, and do not defile it, it will be a shield and protection to you.
[snip]
The garment, to me, is a inward symbol of the temple covenants. Such symbols are common in other religions: sikhs and jews wear sacred underwear of some sort. It’s a symbol of commitment. How and when I wear that symbol is entirely up to me, imo.
I truly believe there are some good things about the garments that can help us. The specific frequency may be hinted or some leaders say it is expected…but it was never part of any specific covenant I made when i was in the temple (I never heard anything about the specifics…just afterwards people giving me their opinions). And that is important to me when I process this. Remember, it is all symbolic.
I sometimes feel I “wear the garments” regardless of what underwear I have on at the time, because my heart is turned to God, which is what it symbolizes.
It is important for me as I answer the question with integrity. It helps to think through it before hand.
Feel free to continue this thread or reply and comment on the thread linked above to continue the discussion in that context as well. Whatever support you need, but I think you could pass an interview worthy of the blessings you deserve. God is very loving.
Most important is that your heart is intended to do good, and follow the commandments best you can under your current situation. Eternity is a long time to work on things, we don’t need perfection now. Just a willing heart to continue to strive for it. And that is all that is being asked in the interview.
If it’s for a health reason, it’s perfectly acceptable to say you keep the “garment wearing” covenant, even if you must remove them for certain circumstances. Also, working out is one of those instances a vast proportion of the members of the Church do not wear their garments; it’s not very respectful to sweat and sully the garments, is it? I don’t think giving the affirmative answer compromises your integrity in any way. The exact question is “Do you wear the garment both night and day as instructed in the endowment and in accordance with the covenant you made in the temple?” This does not mean 100%. The handbook of instructions further explains, “Members who have made covenants in the temple should be guided by the Holy Spirit to answer for themselves personal questions about wearing the garment.” In the end, it’s between you and God.
And finally – we never covenant in the temple to wear them 24-7. We don’t even covenant to wear them. We are encouraged, instructed, guided but never oathed a deal on that. I had held off getting my recommend for many years. I’ve always been a bit temple averse. My husband was the gung-ho guy on that, but now that he’s out and miles away from ever going back, there was no incentive for me. Whew. Then my oldest wanted her endowments. No other reason, just wanted them for herself. I stressed for 6 months over the problem. Then I squared my shoulders and did it. No extra questions. Everything smooth. Attending with her meant the world to her. That relationship is valuable to me. Did I love the session? No. Did I hate it? No. I sat there with her, meditated inside, and let the rest take it’s course.
She’s like her dad she loves to go. She knows I may not be available to attend the next time she goes. I can’t say. But I am glad I went. I look back at our pictures a year later and I feel joy.
Go for the joy. Don’t get lost in the details.
dande48 wrote:If it’s for a health reason, it’s perfectly acceptable to say you keep the “garment wearing” covenant, even if you must remove them for certain circumstances.
I agree. I have personally moved beyond the enumerations of non garment wearing (i.e. the 6 S’s: shower, swimming, sex, sweat (i.e. exercise), stage, surgery) and into more principle-esque rules (3 H’s: health, hygiene, hindrance (i.e. it legitimately gets in your way)) defining situations where it’s appropriate to remove them.I was a fair bit more orthodox the last time I got my TR renewed. I would probably put it off for a bit if I had to renew it now so that I can have time to reconcile my personal edge cases.
The question used to be, do you wear them night and day. Wear them for a couple hours in the morning, and an hour now and then after 6 pm a few days, and the you can say you wear them night and day. 
This has been so, so helpful. I am surrounded by orthodox people, views and interpretations and it is refreshing to step out of that and into a more down to earth environment. I didn’t realize the stress I was placing on myself, every reply helped to lift a weight off me. Hopefully I can get to my interview soon while I am still calm about it. A couple things that stand out are when Heber13 mentioned “God is very loving”. Often I feel that is not the case. In fact I would say I go through most of my days not feeling that way but this reminder touched me. It seems that lessons and talks are mostly warnings and notifications of shortcomings. Also “…don’t need perfection now. Just a willing heart to continue to strive for it”. I definitely fall into that category.
There is so much I want to add but my time is really limited, that’s why I didn’t get back until this morning. It seems strange to me that there are very few, if any people I know in person who I can trust. If I’m not on an island it’s at least a peninsula. Thanks all for taking the time. Back to work now.
Here are a few other resources you might mull over http://www.staylds.com/staylds/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=5625 ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://www.staylds.com/staylds/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=5625 http://rationalfaiths.com/unpacking-temple-recommend-questions/ ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://rationalfaiths.com/unpacking-temple-recommend-questions/ http://www.mormonstories.org/howtostay/HowToStay.html#Temple_recommend ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://www.mormonstories.org/howtostay/HowToStay.html#Temple_recommend http://www.churchistrue.com/temple-recommend-questions/http://www.churchistrue.com/temple-recommend-questions/” class=”bbcode_url”> Good stuff, thanks. LookingHard wrote:
Here are a few other resources you might mull overhttp://www.staylds.com/staylds/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=5625 ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://www.staylds.com/staylds/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=5625 http://rationalfaiths.com/unpacking-temple-recommend-questions/ ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://rationalfaiths.com/unpacking-temple-recommend-questions/ http://www.mormonstories.org/howtostay/HowToStay.html#Temple_recommend ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://www.mormonstories.org/howtostay/HowToStay.html#Temple_recommend http://www.churchistrue.com/temple-recommend-questions/http://www.churchistrue.com/temple-recommend-questions/” class=”bbcode_url”>
Kipper wrote:A couple things that stand out are when Heber13 mentioned “God is very loving”. Often I feel that is not the case. In fact I would say I go through most of my days not feeling that way but this reminder touched me. It seems that lessons and talks are mostly warnings and notifications of shortcomings. Also “…don’t need perfection now. Just a willing heart to continue to strive for it”. I definitely fall into that category.
I can’t help but feel there is some similarity to those feelings you express and what I have gone through in my journey, and how I reflect in some ways what Joseph Smith experienced.In the 1832 first vision account…he
wroteQuote:my soul was filled with love and for many days I could rejoice with great Joy and the Lord was with me but could find none that would believe the hevnly vision nevertheless I pondered these things in my heart
Even Joseph felt there were authority figures telling him that to find God there were only certain ways it had to be done, but he didn’t feel right about it in his heart…and went and had his own unique experience with God…which was centered on being told by God he was loved, that he was OK the way he was, that his sins are forgiven and he was worthy to see God.That says something to me about how God works with all of us, on our level. God is a God of love, not a God of fear. We should seek him and His love. Despite what others tell us, we need to seek God for ourselves, and own our religion.
Rules and guidelines and standards and advice from leaders and learning from others…all those are good tools to help us. But in the end, we bravely take our own journey to exercise faith find our truth that feels right to us. We develop into Stage 5 faith and begin to see the meaning and purpose for things, and we give ourselves and others slack for not being perfect today.
LH gave some great links for good reading.
Keep the faith! Live in the moment. Keep journeying on. It’s a wild ride with lots to learn if we allow ourselves to. No need to disqualify ourselves or make it harder than it needs to be. All things in wisdom and order. D&C 50:40…and all that jazz.
Not wearing them in bed often improves marital sex lives – and most members understand it’s okay not to wear it during foreplay – so I count sleeping as foreplay and don’t worry about it. 
:thumbup: That is true especially since I wear it pretty much all of the time except for when I am in bed (with the obvious, to me, exceptions of super sweaty activity [which I see as “defiling it” when worn], showering, sports, etc). In other words, I wear it according to the dictates of my own conscience, let others wear it where, when, or how thy may.
Ray, you continue to amaze me! :clap: kipper, From your description, I think it’s possible that your issue isn’t with wearing garments at all. That just happens to be the issue that currently is exposing a deeper and more important issue: authenticity vs peacekeeping.
I can tell you that in my own experience I made that struggle way too black & white and stumbled my way toward an unhappy life for many years. It was hard, but very liberating, finally to let go, accept who I was, tell my loved ones, work hard to support them and seek their support for me. Turned out I was making a much bigger deal out of it than it deserved. My kids, my siblings, my parents, my in-laws, they all still loved me. I wasn’t relegated to any different status. I no longer go to the temple and as such I never ever have to subject myself to angst over how to answer questions in a TR interview. I respect my wife’s beliefs and her time to go to the temple and that’s the only way I can be because anything else would be keeping secrets from the people in my life with whom I most need to be authentic.
Just to follow up with my results, the question did come out as do you wear day and night which seems to be always to me. I replied I could do better, followed by a conversation which ended with whatever you are doing, if YOU think you can wear garments at the time then you should. I was satisfied with that then the garment question was asked again and I was able to answer in the affirmative without compromising my integrity. Felt relieved. Now, OON brought up another point that hit home. For now I’ll just say what is really going on with me isn’t what it seems. It’s kinda like having a mistress I suspect in that I really could be in love but nobody would ever understand or accept. I cannot say that I’m not a non believer, I just don’t enjoy church at all. The talks seem patronizing and the block is busy and doesn’t provide the spiritual peace and uplift I need and expect after my hectic work week. This is a subject I need to continue here. Funny that the group of people here keep me going and more peaceful than any peers or leaders at church.
Thank you for the update Kipper. That seems to be a good answer to the garment question. I’m glad it worked out for you! Do you think the answer I want to give (i.e.: All of these questions seem like an invasion of privacy and something that is only between me and the Lord and the only reason I’m here is so I can see my child’s wedding) would get me in? 🙂 I also agree with the feeling you get from going to church on Sunday. I rarely ever feel peaceful at church. I really don’t feel that close to God there except for when I hear a talk that touches me. Today I only stayed an hour and felt like I was crawling out of my skin. I came home and listened to another church’s sermon online and finally was able to calm down and get that peaceful feeling. Thanks for sharing!
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