True Forgiveness

And then . . . It feels impossible.

SD, I believe one of the most feeing elements of “forgiveness” is the ability to move on.

If you have found techniques that have allowed you to move forward and not be overly tied to past offenses, I would count that as a win. :thumbup:

Forgiving, getting taken advantage of, walked on, trusting, opening up again, loving; it’s been a long road to figure out.

I at times was easy to forgive others and way too easy to trust others. I found these two weren’t the same.

I heard a quote recently and it helped me navigate;

Forgiveness does not equate to a relationship

I can and will forgive, but that does not mean that I must trust or allow someone into my life. I’ve dealt with too many manipulators over the years. Sorry if I’m a little bitter

I have found the peace of forgiveness that comes by letting things go, and it’s amazing.

Thanks for this post. I think I read this on this forum and it has helped me: Sometimes the person we have to forgive is God.

Also for me forgiveness means learning to set boundaries which is along the lines of what others have said.

If you have ever read the book, “why bad things happen to good people” you will recognize that same theme – learn to forgive God.

Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.

Ain’t that the truth.

This is a concept I’ve struggled with. One I think we all struggle with from time to time. I think at our core most people strive for justice. In a way, forgiving others can be like letting go of our need for what we feel to be just.

It’s a delicate walk and I don’t know how to put this into words. I’ll try.

Forgiving people that are penitent is hard.

Forgiving people that aren’t penitent is hard.

Forgiving people for a one time offense is hard.

Forgiving people for a truly heinous act is hard.

One category I’ve struggled with, and the one where I feel it’s difficult to find a balance…

It’s hard to forgive people when there are chronic issues. Not just one time offenses but a pattern of behavior that has happened in the past, and worse yet, patterns that you fully expect to extend out to the foreseeable future. You know the change isn’t going to come, the offenses will continue but you have to dig deep to find a way to forgive… not just past incidents but future ones as well. Like you have to forgive a part of someone that will always be with them as opposed to forgiving a specific act.

I think this is where we get into the struggle; where the ideas of forgiving but not forgetting and the forgiving but closing yourself off from further harm come from. It’s not easy. It’s never easy. If there was an answer everyone would be doing it and it wouldn’t be a struggle. It may take time, let it take time, it’s supposed to take time, but continue to work at it.

Fwiw, we are not commanded to forget everything we forgive.

That is a critical point that FAR too many people misunderstand.

One category I’ve struggled with, and the one where I feel it’s difficult to find a balance…

It’s hard to forgive people when there are chronic issues. Not just one time offenses but a pattern of behavior that has happened in the past, and worse yet, patterns that you fully expect to extend out to the foreseeable future. You know the change isn’t going to come, the offenses will continue but you have to dig deep to find a way to forgive… not just past incidents but future ones as well. Like you have to forgive a part of someone that will always be with them as opposed to forgiving a specific act.

I have struggled with this as well. For me, this is where the principle of forgiveness blends into the principle of charity. I can choose whether to forgive and how to do so. It is charity when I no longer judge someone for what they are not able to do for whatever reason.

“Forgiveness is giving up my right to hurt you because you hurt me.” Jan Karon.

“Charity is revising my expectations and improving understanding of you so that I understand and can take into account why you hurt me.”