How Questioning Strengthened My Faith Instead of My Doubt

Here’s another goody that was on that same page. https://www.lds.org/blog/how-questionin … s?lang=eng I also give kudos to LDS.org for reposting this one, especially since the word doubt can have such a negative connotation in the church.

I like this one less.

She had questions and doubts until one day a friend asked her what she did know a.k.a. her testimony. She had a testimony of all the major points from Jesus, to JS, to modern day prophet. For me it would have been more helpful if she felt she had a testimony of some things and not of others. Richard Bushman has said that he is saddened when people lose faith in the LDS church and also lose faith in God and Christ. According to him, if doubters can manage belief in Christ then they are in pretty good shape. Conversely, this blogger seems to be saying “Forget all those unsettling earthly facts – just fall back on your childhood testimony.”

I liked the part of the policy of exclusion less than the first part. Partly because I feel passionate about it, partly because she heavily references Sheri Dew and I am less forgiving of church leaders than regular folk bloggers

[Sheri Dew] describes feelings similar to mine: “When the policy was announced that the children of gay parents might not be eligible for baptism at the traditional age of eight, I was confused. I did not question the Brethren or doubt their inspiration, but neither did I understand the doctrinal basis for the policy. And my heart went out to friends with children or grandchildren in this situation.”

She continues: “So I asked the Lord to teach me. I prayed, searched the scriptures, studied the teachings of prophets, and pondered this question in the temple. This went on for months. Then one day a colleague made a statement as part of a presentation that sparked a new thought for me, and in that moment the Spirit illuminated at least part of the doctrine in my heart and mind. I consider that answer personal revelation and not something I should repeat” (Worth the Wrestle [2017], 22–23).

Sister Dew states that she did not doubt or question the brethren but she did not understand the doctrinal basis for the policy. Doctrinal basis? Does a policy need a doctrinal basis? A policy can be smart and even inspired without it being doctrine. Then Sister Dew set about looking for ways to justify her forgone conclusion – that the policy was doctrinally based. Finally she found something “doctrinal” that would work but she considers it personal revelation and will not reveal it. Secret doctrine?

I actually feel like maybe the church has learned a lesson here. There were lots of doctrinal speculations for the priesthood ban that the church has now disavowed. Maybe it is better not to stake out a doctrinal position.

The blogger/author continues:

At first I was disappointed she didn’t provide the answer. Then I realized Sheri Dew’s answer would not be the same as mine. We all understand in different ways, and the Lord responds accordingly.

So Sister Dew suggests that there is a doctrinal basis for the policy that was revealed at least in part to her mind and heart by the spirit. Then the blogger indicates that the answers that we receive for the “doctrinal basis” of a global policy of the church are personal and may be contradictory? This sounds to me to be very similar to “Whatever you have to tell yourself to make peace with it.” 🙄

So yes, I am not a fan. Perhaps you can illuminate me on your perspective.

So Sister Dew suggests that there is a doctrinal basis for the policy that was revealed at least in part to her mind and heart by the spirit. Then the blogger indicates that the answers that we receive for the “doctrinal basis” of a global policy of the church are personal and may be contradictory? This sounds to me to be very similar to “Whatever you have to tell yourself to make peace with it.” 🙄

It reeks of Cognitive Dissonance, that’s for sure.

I was looking at the blog post author and wondering who this individual was.

Laurie Campbell has quite the collection of life experiences, challenges, and mistakes. She has lived a life outside the gospel and within, having now determined, with absolute certainty, she likes it better within.

What does it mean to live life “outside the gospel”? I wondered

https://www.deseretnews.com/article/765617349/Woman-who-had-lived-lesbian-lifestyle-brings-hope-to-Mormons-with-same-sex-attraction-through-LDS.html

Once again, I am not a fan of the things that Laurie says on this subject (of same sex attraction and mixed orientation marriages). However, similar to the weed family, I feel that I can cut her some slack because she has been through much anguish.

My main objection is that I believe that the focus of her outreach might be offering false hope to many of those that so desperately want it.

SIDE NOTE: I made a very passionate/forceful request to my husband that when we are disciplining our children we say “You made a bad choice” instead of “You are a bad girl” as a matter of principle.

I do this because I feel strongly that the voice that my daughters adopt into their head should be telling them they are divine beings who made lousy choices instead of worthless beings. I want them to tell themselves 20 years from now “You know, that was a bad choice. But it was only a bad choice. I can face the consequences of that choice, learn from it and move on to make better choices. My worth is not determined by my actions.”

I’m never going to win parent of the year but I was thinking that there could be another layer you could add to this.

You could ask them whether they though the decision they made was a good decision or a bad decision instead of telling them it was a bad decision. That gets them reflecting on their own behaviors and how they use their agency. It helps them make judgments of their own behavior rather than always defaulting to accepting judgments others make of their behavior.

E.g. The bishop says I made a bad decision because I drank some herbal tea but I don’t think it was a bad decision.

There’s a time and a place for everything and there’s certainly a time for clear communication, “that was a bad decision,” but there are occasional moments where there’s an opportunity for a child to learn for themselves through personal evaluation.

And of course you can’t ask the question “Was that a good decision?” only after they do something bad. That will quickly devolve into, “I must have done something bad, otherwise they wouldn’t be asking.” So you might ask the question to get a child to reflect on the good choices they make as well. We can learn from our mistakes and successes. Good and bad experiences are teaching moments. Etc.

But take with a grain of salt. I’m a terrible parent.

You could ask them whether they though the decision they made was a good decision or a bad decision instead of telling them it was a bad decision. That gets them reflecting on their own behaviors and how they use their agency. It helps them make judgments of their own behavior rather than always defaulting to accepting judgments others make of their behavior.

E.g. The bishop says I made a bad decision because I drank some herbal tea but I don’t think it was a bad decision.

There’s a time and a place for everything and there’s certainly a time for clear communication, “that was a bad decision,” but there are occasional moments where there’s an opportunity for a child to learn for themselves through personal evaluation.

And of course you can’t ask the question “Was that a good decision?” only after they do something bad. That will quickly devolve into, “I must have done something bad, otherwise they wouldn’t be asking.” So you might ask the question to get a child to reflect on the good choices they make as well. We can learn from our mistakes and successes. Good and bad experiences are teaching moments. Etc.

But take with a grain of salt. I’m a terrible parent.

I agree with this thinking actually – but my children are not developmentally to the point where this really applies.

We do a lot of “this was a bad decision (making a snide comment, refusing to clean up a mess made by said child) and usually list out or ask her why it was a bad decision. If she was being disrespectful in her communication, we sit with her and talk about ways she could convey the same information or what she really wants us to know using better words (she may not want to clean her room – but she might have a better attitude about it if she can listen to music while doing so). I think we will be on the edge of this “defining the badness of choices for her” vs “having her define the badness of choices” for the next few years.

In family conversations I make statements like “I made this judgement call because of x,y, and z.” In part so that she can learn that not all choices are bad, or maybe the options available are making the best choice available out of bad choices.

My daughter’s strength and weakness is that she walks through life on words. If it is not spoken, it might as well not exist for her. So we work a lot on non-verbal meaning, tone, and cost-benefit analysis. We are trying to give her the verbal tools and scripts she will need to make decisions out in the world. For daughter #2, it might be different. The foundation may be the same (no calling them a “bad girl”) – but she is already well aware of non-verbal communication (in fact, its a bit of a coin toss whether DD#2 is more non-verbally communication aware than DD#1).