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So, I was given five families to minister to in our meeting today. I am curious, since we are in a sweet spot with no real guidance how to do it beyond generalities….I am thinking of sending an email to the people I can email, and a phone call to the people I can phone.
What should my message be? Not a formal church message, but just the content of what I say? How would you approach it?
It has been my experience with the old program that we take the approach of: These are your needs. I’ll follow up later to see if you’re doing them. I’d love to see the script flip:
What are your needs?
or
Is there anything I or the ward community can do to help you with your spiritual goals?
We had some discussion about this in PH today as well. One guy even said he’s more likely to contact inactives now because under the old system it didn’t count if he couldn’t actually visit them. (Thank you for so aptly defining the problem!) I do not have new assignments, and I’m not sure I’ll get new ones right away. I do not do monthly visits with my families anyway, nor has my HT visited me at home. We do talk on the phone, we see each other at church, we text. I know that if I have a problem he’s there to help and he’s a phone call away. Likewise, my families know the same. I think for me it will continue to be very much the same. I do have a hardcore inactive on my route who I never contact. I also expect that to remain the same, although since I don’t have to report on anything but needs and only quarterly I might be more inclined to at least send a note a couple times a year. FWIW, she refuses help and contact in general, and I don’t think her VT contacts her either.
So, my message would be something like this: “Hi, this is Brother Jedi and I have been assigned as your new ministering brother. My life is crazy and I really don’t have time for monthly visits, but I want to try to serve you as best as I can. Please know that if you ever need anything I’m only a phone call away and if I can’t help you I’ll try very hard to find someone who can. I will also do my best to reach out to you as often as I can, and I hope we can chat at church. I would at some time like to visit your home and get to know you and your family better, and my wife will set up a time when we can have you over to dinner. Is there anything you need right now?”
nibbler wrote:
It has been my experience with the old program that we take the approach of: These are your needs. I’ll follow up later to see if you’re doing them.I’d love to see the script flip:
What are your needs?
or
Is there anything I or the ward community can do to help you with your spiritual goals?
As I’ve said here, our SP has been ahead of the curve on this. For more than a year the only question EQP, HPGL, and RSP are supposed to ask HT/VT has been “What does this family need?” They are taught to specifically not ask “Did you visit?” Your script flip fits this exactly.
I am afraid that if I go around asking for “needs” I’ll get them — and they may be needs that I don’t want to fill, or can’t…. I’m inclined to say:
“Hi, just a quick check-in. I’m Brother SD and I wanted to let you know I can be a point of contact if emergencies come up from the XYX Ward. I’m aging and have some health issues, so I’m not very good or able to do things like move, physical labor, fix things etcetera, but if you have legitimate needs that I might put out to the Ward to see if they can help you, please let me know. I can help you with monthly visits, emails, phone calls, or, if you would rather not have any visits or contact, I am OK with that too. It’s for your benefit….
If you’re not signed up for calendar notifications, need to know who to contact for youth, adult programs, etcetera, I’d love to help so you can stay connected. Our facebook page is at such and such a location. let me know how much contact you’d like from me, and I’ll be there as best I can!”.
Here’s a bit about me…
“Blurb about me, my family, profession, church involvement over the years, mission etcetera”.
I would customize the message for the person, depending on their life circumstances. And the first contact would probably be email, and if not available, a phone call. A visit with a note left if the person not home would be the last resort.
My bishopric suggested that going on a date was an appropriate way to minister to the ladies. I respectfully disagree, mostly due to my experience dating a home teachee at one point. That can go south quickly. This change will be nice for singles wards because we’ll probably just do stuff together instead of the formal visits.
It’s still assigned friendship at the end of the day, so I don’t expect it to be perfect.
In any way needed by the individual. My father once did his Home Teaching visit in a bar, since that is the only place he could talk with thatvfriend that month. He sat and sipped water while his friend had a beer. That is ministering, and it is an example of why the man asked that his Home Teacher not change when the ward was divided and my dad was in a different ward.
The bishops honored that request. That is ministering.
I am with Curt – My Grandpa’s HT dropped the whole standard clothes, message thing immediately (over 50 years ago). He wore jeans and helped Grandpa with projects – his or his neighbors. That’s all he ever did. If I were you, I would start with cookies. I am not kidding. Go in Jeans, leave cookies and note. Say Hi.
From there get their family details – kids, birthdays, etc. Send Bday cards. No kidding. Wouldn’t it be great to get something nice in the mail besides a bill.
Work from there.
Make the contact be about them. Their family. Their needs. Listen intently and hear them. Too often, people listen — only waiting for a break in the conversation . They don’t hear anything. They are there simply to talk about themselves. Don’t be that person. Let them set the boundaries for the relationship. Don’t assume they will infringe inappropriately into your life. It’s funny to me that in Mormonism, so many assume other members will have problems with boundaries. Assume the best intentions.
We haven’t been able to divide up into new ministering assignments yet, it will be weeks if not a month or two before we are officially released and new leadership called, meanwhile I can’t get into the system to see anything or make changes. We started a while ago visiting people once a month as part of our Ward council. We’ll probably continue on those people we have been discussing. I know there will be those that will be looking for a monthly visit with a message etc like the ‘old days’ , but I will probably approach new families/contacts with a text, visit, and/or email, and if they are active I’ll see them at church.
I see the ‘assigned friend’ as less important to me as an individual, and more as a formality. I see ministering as a root network, where everyone is interconnected, and feeding each other. I hope that is the way it works.
I was thinking of just contact them and wondering if they had a few moments to get to know them over the phone, in person, even by email. Give an overview of myself, and indicate I’d like to be their friend in the Ward. Through that process, you end up learning about them and their needs. Without creating all this extra work and expectations that we are there to be free labor in areas we may not have strength or desire, rather than “ministers”.
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