Redesigning the Marriage Ceremony

I’m not keen on the School of Life – I prefer the similarly named Academy of Ideas which I recommend checking out. School of Life is mostly Alain de Boton’s (or however it’s spelled) mouthpiece and isn’t even-handed especially in regard to religion.

Meh. I’m not big into pomp and circumstance or ritual anyway, and to me this seemed more like a “these are good ideas, let’s tie them into the ritual” thing. I would actually like it more if these ideals were expressed by the temple sealer in his (hopefully) little blurb before the ritual itself. Or even go bigger and have it be part of prenuptial classes prior to the wedding itself (like some other churches do).

I strongly believe it’s not good enough just to have good ideas. What counts is remembering those good ideas. Humans are easily distracted and easily bored. Take Marriage Builders for example (BTW, thanks for sharing SD). I look a moment to look over their site, which I am sure is full of wonderful ideas for building a happy marriage. But I don’t remember any of them. Their site layout was a mess, and their teaching format was poor. It just didn’t work for me.

Back in grade school, Bill Nye was better able to teach science than my teachers ever could. The kids would cheer, whenever Bill Nye was brought out on our tube TVs. He knew how to captivate and entertain, and he was always presented as a rare treat for a special occasion. That’s what made him the better teacher. I was also impressed during my stint in China to discover they have a holiday, the Mid-Autumn Festival, where everyone eats rice cakes, sips tea, and reads poems dedicated to the moon. In America, we might know it’s a “good idea” to take the time to notice and appreciate the beauty of the moon. But how many of us actually do it?

Don’t get me wrong, most parts of a wedding are “just too much” and way too overpriced. I don’t think it’s wise to start a life together by blowing 7-figures in a big celebration. There are many approaches to making a “good idea” memorable, and I understand a ritualistic wedding ceremony might not be an effective teacher for everyone. What it does give us is an out-of-the-ordinary experience, meant to cement in ourselves some very important ideas, in hopes of retaining them throughout our life. While there are many positive ideas reinforced in the temple ceremony, I think there is a lot missing. And the blurb given by the temple sealer is rarely thought out well, and hardly ever remembered. Do you remember what your sealer said, beyond the ceremony? I certainly don’t.

either I need to keep tabs of it, or double and triple check he has it with us.

Ha! I was assigned to bring the wedding license. Other than showing up it seemed like my only responsibility on the big day. My DW to be reminded me MANY times not to forget it. It did not seem to make sense to me. If everyone is so worried that I might forget it then why not have someone else bring it.

Also, my dad and I were a few minutes late because we could not figure out how to enter the SLC temple (Turns out that the front doors are just decorative and you enter through a side building with a passageway). My MIL kept asking DW if she was sure I was coming. 👿 Not Helpful! 👿

You guys are dredging up lots of memories, specifically because:

What it does give us is an out-of-the-ordinary experience, meant to cement in ourselves some very important ideas, in hopes of retaining them throughout our life.

I remember specifics of the day I was sealed because it was a day like no other. In fact that’s the utility I find in ordinances. Things that help us remember, something to set things apart from being some other forgettable, routine day.

I’ve got massive hangups with being on time. If I show up 15 minutes early I did well by sitting at home twiddling my thumbs for a while because usually I’d get there 30-45 minutes early. I don’t hold other people to my crazy standard of being on time, it’s just something that’s hardwired in me – obsess about the time of day. I’ve mellowed over the years.

Anyway. Fast forward to the day of my sealing. I leave the hotel with my family (they traveled 5 hours just so they could wait outside 😯, solidarity), the morning of, as we’re all headed to the temple we walk out to the car… and the car is completely covered in bird poo. I mean covered. We had parked under the only tree in the parking lot and apparently that particular tree was the go-to place for birds to have their bowels moved with compassion.

My family is insisting that we get the car washed before we head to the temple and I’m worried that we’ll be late. I want us to skip the car washing. I get overruled. We take the car to a car wash and we’re still able to show up about 10 minutes before the appointed time… so of course I believe we’re already too late.

And drum roll… soon to be DW nowhere to be found. Time passes, lots of time, still no DW. I was like Roy’s MIL, wondering whether I was sure that she was coming. The temple people were like Roy’s MIL.

DW finally emerges. She was in the temple cafeteria with her family the whole time, “losing track of time.” 👿 👿 👿 Opposites attract.

So there you go. Two ordinances helped solidify the day in memory. My sealing and when we had to wash and anoint our car.

Marriage scares me to be honest. A friend is going through a divorce right now which doesn’t help.

As I’ve said before on here, I think it is not gays who have destroyed marriage but government interference which has driven up the cost of it.

As I’ve said before on here, I think it is not gays who have destroyed marriage but government interference which has driven up the cost of it.

I would say it’s the $53,400,000,000 wedding industry. Not to mention the shananigans of De Beers and his diamond monopoly.

They’ve definitely played their part.

I think governments charge too much to get married, and most men – me included – think they’ll end up screwed financially as well as physically!

I think govts should intervene in forced marriages, underage etc but should have minimal involvement in regular ones. Our ancestors would have had a check to see if they were closely related or already married and a fairly simple ceremony.

There is something to be said for Mormon weddings. Yhe ward all pitches in. I went to one where the whole thing cost under a thousand but was still great fun.