Random Thought – What Works For Us

My husband and I are recovering from periodic life-induced rough spots. One of the things that we have found in the last month that works for us I wanted to share. OK, it boils down to 1 concept and 1 TV Show Specific Model.

My husband and I committed to looking for 1 thing each day we could do to show our spouse that we love them in a way that they would understand without ties or expectations. For example, my husband (who hates eggs) might volunteer to make me an omelet and follow through with it. He would tell me, “I love you and I wanted to show you I love you so I am doing this to show you I love you and you bring meaning to my life” while serving the eggs. Or another example, “Here is my game plan for today, is there anything specific I can do to show you I love you today?”.

We know when it is phrased this way, it is a small(ish) thing – clean off a desk, do some dishes, set up the entertainment equipment properly, make sure the girls are ready to go and the diaper bag packed so I can pick up the family for an appointment (for executive functioning limited families this is not small). We don’t use these as manipulation chips for later -we don’t need to, because the love and respect foundation was already there, just got buried in everyday stresses and frustrations.

My husband and I felt frustrated because we were great at showing the love we have for each other by using our own strengths and method (like I was spending more time cleaning stuff to show love – but that wasn’t really showing love to my husband and he was trying to be fun all time while I was loosing my mind trying to keep everything organized). We are working on striving to walk in each other’s shoes to show love.

I call this the “What Would Parker Do? Principle” from Leverage. There is an episode where the team (Mastermind, Grifter, Hacker, Thief, BodyGuard) get caught by the bad guys demanding a statue. The bad guys set up the meet and plan on killing/maiming the team as well. The good guys get out of the situation with their lives by taking on the strengths of the other team members to circumvent the situation. For example, the grifter thinks like the thief and sets up the thief’s climbing gear to transport both the grifter and the thief safely (hence the “What would Parker Do” reference). So, we are trying to think like our spouse to defeat the bad situations attacking our marriage.

You probably have to go find the episode to get the punchline (this is normal for my story-telling though). It’s the First David Job episode from the 1st or 2nd second FYI.