Kirby nails another one – Mormon merit badges

To be completely honest, this article felt like the media sensationalizing (no offense to DJ). Most of the things mentioned, from having children, getting married, etc are either folks making small talk, or tounge-in-cheek teasing. I’m not saying it’s tactful, but there’s a difference betwen lack of social grace, and passing judgement on others.

What we need now are different merit badges: LGBTQ and Active Badge, Never Married and Happy Badge, Interracial Marriage Badge, and, one I hope everyone will want, a Different Kind of Mormon Badge.

I would add the “Accomplished Professional Woman” badge.

To me, this feels like “tokenism” more than anything. Praising someone on account of their sexual-orientation, marital status, race, or gender feels hollow. I’m a “different kind of Mormon”, but I don’t want to be praised for it. I just want to be accepted, and treated like any other member of the Church.

It’s a problem when it ends with “so I’m better than you.”

I gave it another read, and I liked it better the second time around. You’re right. We’ve got a big problem with position pride/envy, whether it’s hitting the milestones, having a certain income, or holding a particular calling.

I remember feeling like crap, back several years after I got home from my mission, seeing all my friends get married, and hearing those conference talks on how we need to take the initiative to get married… it made me feel like crap. But I also remember when I got married, and later became a parent, how awesome it was! It wasn’t that I felt I was better than anyone else, or that I had checked another box. I love being a Dad! I wish everyone could have the happiness that marriage and parenthood has brought me. I think a lot of the Church’s teachings are based around building that happiness; but it does leave a lot of people feeling crappy, whether its because they made different choices (which should be respected), or were unfortunate.

How do you think we could solve this pride/envy issue?

How about the “weird but useful guy at the back” badge. I hold a respectable calling, but certain members still give me a wde berth.

I know the “professional woman” one is hard to articulate. What I mean is there should be a new badge so it’s OK to be a professional woman. We have three fairly prominent professional women in our stake (there are probably more I don’t know about). One is a divorced mother with one child. She’s a college professor. Another has a few children (2 or 3?) and is a doctor. She is married, I don’t know what her husband does. The third never married and has no children. She is a hospital administrator. In our stake outside the Corridor, these women are very highly respected and hold “big” callings – but that is under our current SP who is fairly progressive (and the father of three daughters) and actually does want YW to understand that it’s OK to be educated and employed.

I was senior companion 15 months of my 18 month mission (including to a senior sister 40 years older than myself – that was rough). I have also served as a Primary teacher in various age groups for a good 10 years. There have been times of flakiness church-wise, but never “big” callings.

I always figured that others needed (or were more qualified for) the “big” calling more than myself. In the last year, I figured out that maybe I was too left field in terns of brain wiring, gospel understanding and social connections to have garnered whatever it was that was required for the “big” callings. The more cynical side of me wonders if I got the “little” callings because I would accept them where others got the “big” callings because they could not accept little ones. In my heart of hearts, I care a little, or technically my pride cares. But overall, I believe in serving where you feel “called” to serve, and I am too busy with my own life to let it really matter. One of the lessons that the great myths have taught me is that if you get all hung up in the title you bear instead of the quest you are one, it corrupts your actions and defeats the quest (Lord of the Rings comes to mind). Sam did not become the best friend and side kick because of the title – he became that first, the title/label came later. If he had became the best friend/side kick because of the title, he probably would have faltered and the quest could have fallen apart.

I do know what apparently doesn’t work – GA or sacrament meeting talks and EQ/RS lessons. Somehow it must be that those who are guilty think it doesn’t apply to them.

I hear that. Unfortunately, I don’t know if there is a more effective solution out there. If there is, I think it’ll take a while to get there. Unfortunately, people are largely self-focused. They have a need to feel proud and commended for what they’ve accomplished, even if it’s a result of so many things outside their control. And people are so much in the habit of comparing themselves to others, of wanting to be recognized, and to be “successful” (however they define it). No matter how many talks or lessons on humility, most people will walk away feeling proud of how humble they are. The few who take it to heart, will feel ashamed of how humble they are not, which will cause them to feel humble, which will make them feel just as proud.

I think nothing less than a doctrine shift would fix this. Currently, we have a strong Zionist, social justice, merit based, “saved after all we can do”, dietetic. We need more of a focus on how we are completely 100% saved by Grace, how terribly we all fall short of meriting anything in this life, and how life is at its core grossly unfair. There is no building up of a true Zion in this world until the Savior returns. We can’t hope for redemption or any sort of fairness until we are brought before the judgement bar.

Which is why, I think giving out “merit badges” to everyone for their particular accomplishments is not going to anything but exacerbate the problem. People don’t need to be patted on the back and told they are special. What we need is for everyone to be told, that they (and everyone around them, including the Q15) are deeply flawed and broken individuals. Not in every way, but in some ways so severe, we are a grave burden to those around us. It’s not so much that everyone has their own “merit”, but really that none of us “merit” anything at all. We are loved by God and saved through His grace, not because there is anything lovable or “good” about us, but because He chooses to love us anyways.

I agree with you both, Dande and Nibbler.

Unfortunately, people are largely self-focused. They have a need to feel proud and commended for what they’ve accomplished, even if it’s a result of so many things outside their control. And people are so much in the habit of comparing themselves to others, of wanting to be recognized, and to be “successful” (however they define it). No matter how many talks or lessons on humility, most people will walk away feeling proud of how humble they are. The few who take it to heart, will feel ashamed of how humble they are not, which will cause them to feel humble, which will make them feel just as proud.

I think this is mostly a product of our society/culture as a whole. We get promoted at work, win awards, etc. It becomes all about these things and that slops over into the church, which is not really supposed to be set up that way. That is, one can be bishop today and nursery leader tomorrow – neither is a promotion or demotion. I think there is some general understanding of this, but it’s also like “Catholics teach that the pope is infallible but none of them believe that; Mormons teach the prophet is not infallible but none of them believe that.”

We’d have to axe this notion of “worthiness” that we’ve placed front and center in our culture. I don’t go one Sunday without hearing about worthiness, not one. Worthy to receive revelation. Worthy to receive blessings. Worthy to go to the temple. We are sealed at the hip to the concept of a just god, and focus on our brand of justice so much that there’s no room left for grace.

I hear that – it even permeates our sacrament hymns. Sad in my opinion.