- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
What would you do if you found out that someone you see at church was marked as a sexual transgressor under Megan’s Law? I ask because I check to see who the sexual predators are labeled by law in my area as a child protection measure. There is the obvious don’t let your kids be alone in the room. Do you mention it to your spouse? What about if that person gets called to be a ward/branch leader? Does the handbook of instructions say anything?
I have known 2 people who were so marked:
1) Great sincere guy- It was never an issue because he acted appropriately towards my daughter (in a non-creepy fashion), gave great advice as our HT, and I never left him alone with our oldest. I think he was charged as fallout in a nasty divorce, so that is how I looked at it. I never found the courage to ask him though.
2) Old guy – I don’t know him very well but he is more old than creepy at this point in time. Though if he wasn’t so old and disabled, I could see creepy.
I know we want to see the best in everyone, and give everyone a chance to repent and change. I also want to know how others set up the boundaries (if at all).
I tell DW that any boundaries that we impose against this sexual transgressor we should be prepared to impose against all. I find it less likely for us to let our guard down around someone that has been so marked.
I find it more likely for members of my family to be abused by someone that we trust enough to put ourselves in vulnerable situations.
Therefor, it is probably the people that I trust that I should be more guarded against.
Do you know why he is marked? I ask because there is a huge difference, for example, between raping a child and having consensual sex with someone who is 17 and three years younger than you in a situation that technically is stauatory rape (as could be the case in some states).
I don’t have any more information. One time I Googled the name of the person (pretty uncommon), city, and state to get to know them better in general. Their name randomly and the name showed up as a list in the Megan’s law database. The next time I found the database list because we had moved a year earlier and recognized the name of the person (less common) and where they lived. I could never figure out anything that would be constructive/uplifting/useful to say to the person in the situation, so I said nothing.
The laws regarding “sexual transgressions” are pretty messed up IMHO. What constitutes and what does not constitute getting on the list is pretty diverse. And unfortunately, there are many innocents which wind up on the list. We live in a “guilty until proven innocent” world, when it comes to sexual transgressions. I would make sure your children know what’s ok and what’s not ok, and that they have the confidence to tell you should anything happen; and to run and scream if they ever find themselves in a bad situation. I also wouldn’t risk leaving your children alone with much of anyone, whether they are on the list or not. Trust your gut when it tells you something is wrong, and be skeptical of your gut when it tells you anything else.
To answer your questions on the Church policy, the handbook states that any member accused of incest or child abuse MUST have a Church Disciplinary Council called. A Council “conviction” always results in excommunication. A civil conviction of such accusations results in a letter being sent to the First Presidency. First Presidency approval is required for anyone convicted to be baptized or rebaptized. Such persons are bared from serving in certain leadership roles and callings. If you are aware of past conduct which could/should prevent them from serving in a calling, that is when you raise your hand during “Any opposed?”, and discuss it with your Church leader.
In my state a person can be on the “sex offender registry” for sexual crimes against other adults as well. For example, a man could be on the registry if he as an adult raped an adult woman. We generally think of those on the list as having perpetrated crimes against children but that is not always the case. In this particular instance though I don’t think it matters. Yes, I would tell my spouse. Yes, I would tell the bishop and probably other ward leaders in case the bishop decided to keep it to himself. This isn’t a matter of forgiving or giving a second chance it’s a matter of protection of innocence. I’m not saying the individual needs to be shunned or escorted everywhere, but if the crimes were committed against children measures should be taken to avoid the person being alone with children (and probably shouldn’t be in Primary at all).
Priority one is to protect yourself and your family, especially the children. So…if there is a concern about caring about the feelings of others, or about my family…family is always first…even if I offend others.
Priority two is to try to love others as God does. But never at the expense of priority one.
Unfortunately, this is not an easy thing.
Our justice system is flawed. There is always the possibility someone “marked” is innocent, this happens although probably not common.
Christ taught “He who is without sin can cast the first stone” and to the abusers torturing him directly “forgive them, for they know not what they do”.
Such compassion, love, and forgiveness. These are gospel principles to aspire to.
But we cannot be foolish enough to dismiss warning signs that put our family at risk. We must evaluate each situation carefully, and decide what is best.
Perhaps we find a way to be loving and compassionate, trusting God will judge all and hold all accountable, while also keeping a distance knowing we don’t know the hearts of others.
I have two real life examples. 1) A woman in the ward has a husband that is serving time and is a registered sex offender. He gets out of prison and leaflets are distributed to the school kids with his name and face. He is not a member of the church. He comes to church with his wife and leaves after sacrament meeting. At least one church member is vocal that if he comes to church here, she and her family will not.
2) A woman in the ward is on the sex offender registry. Turns out that she was a teacher once upon a time and had an inappropriate relationship with a student. She went to prison and has been out now for some time. She is remarried and has kids. She is restricted in what capacities she can serve. No callings with youth or children.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.