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As much as I hated my overall mission experience, I did form some good relationships with some of the people there, especially since I was in the same small branch for two years. Recently I have gotten back on social media to a limited extent and thought about trying to get back in touch with some people I was close with. But I’m a little worried about my current church status coming up. It seems like it would be quite awkward to have to tell people I knew as a missionary that I no longer believe the things I taught back then. Especially since a few of them joined the church because of me. It’s not something I would bring up, but it would probably come up at some point. What would you do if you ran into one of your converts from your mission and they asked you something about church, but you had stopped going/believing? I do want to catch up with these people, but I’m not sure what to do if they bring up my current beliefs or activity in the church. Is it better to just not try to reconnect with those people, especially if it might shake their faith to find out the missionary who baptized them no longer believes in the church? (Of course, there’s also the possibility that they are no longer active in the church either. I recently met up with an old friend from my ward in high school who left the church after a horrible mission experience, and he seemed to really appreciate finding someone who understood where he was coming from). It’s also kind of embarrassing that some of the inactive members I taught didn’t go to church for reasons very similar to why I no longer like going to church.
Based on what you described, I would reconnect on a superficial level before getting to specific issues with the church, politics or anything else that could cause conflict. If the conflicts come up, show compassion, empathy & sympathy.
I wouldn’t make it any more complicated then that.
I recently reconnected with the missionary that taught me. Church and church status didn’t come up, it was mostly catching up on life in general; work, kids, etc. I don’t have much experience in the other direction. I’ve lost contact with 99.99% of the people from my mission. It was long ago and no one had phones back in the day, so it was too easy to lose contact.
Right now is probably the best time to reconnect with people from your mission. I think there’s an understanding that all members, active, inactive, jack, old guard, everyone, are on pause right now due to covid. Covid, the great equalizer.
Like Nibbler, my mission was long ago and without most of our current technology (anyone else here know what a flipbook is?) I also did not like my mission and I’m not a member of the Best Two Years Club (over 30 years on I can say they were bottom 10% of my life). And I don’t do social media. I have looked up some people from time to time but not gone beyond that. You can sometimes get a sense of their level of church activity/belief by looking at what’s online. I think I’d go with MM’s advice and keep it more superficial. You don’t have to respond to specific inquiries regarding church or you can give vague responses. For instance, if asked what my current calling is I would say I’m between callings at the moment (I consider myself active and this is actually true – I was released a year ago and because of COVID don’t have a new one, but I have refused a couple). Another strategy is to deflect back to them – most people love to talk about themselves. nibbler wrote:
Right now is probably the best time to reconnect with people from your mission. I think there’s an understanding that all members, active, inactive, jack, old guard, everyone, are on pause right now due to covid. Covid, the great equalizer.
This is a good point. I know several active members in my own ward who are not comfortable attending church due to COVID (even with precautions) and several more (like me) who don’t participate in Zoom SS/PH. Everything is different right now and will likely remain so for a few more months. That said, I also know a few members who judge those like me who don’t attend everything every time. That’s their problem, not mine – God and I seem to be good with it and that’s all that matters.
Minyan Man wrote:
Based on what you described, I would reconnect on a superficial level before getting to specific issues with the church, politics oranything else that could cause conflict. If the conflicts come up, show compassion, empathy & sympathy.
I wouldn’t make it any more complicated then that.
My answer is similar to MM.
When I reconnected with a family that I baptized and was very close with from my mission they were embarrassed and apologetic that their daughter had gotten pregnant outside of marriage. I tried to reassure them that life can be complicated but that it is wonderful the support they are giving their daughter and congratulations on the birth of a healthy grandchild. That child will be a source of joy for this family for many years to come.
This situation is emblematic of my post mission interactions with individuals that I taught and baptized. To the degree that they look to me as an authoritative voice, I try to be a voice of compassion, warmth, fellowship, and forgiveness.
I don’t think my own changing beliefs really ever come up.
We did have a conversation about our FC with a former companion from my wife’s mission that has since openly left the church.
My advice is simple: Focus on them and what they want and need to hear.
In the medical lexicon:
“Do no (intentional or avoidable) harm.”
Talk about them. When you talk about yourself, use the word “Gospel” instead of “Church”. If you have a difficult leader, maybe say something like, “Church is tough for me right now, honestly, due to conflicts with a leader who just doesn’t get me and is trying to make me be someone I’m not.” Another statement would be something like, “The culture in my ward/stake/area/whatever is difficult for me right now, but I’m doing my best not to make waves.” That might not be the entire story, but it is true – and it is enough if the other person is active and doesn’t need any complicated explanations. Nearly everyone in the Church will understand statements like that and go with the flow. If the other person expresses understanding and a similar issue, the conversation can continue – with the same foundation rule: Do no harm. If not, the conversation can end naturally on a good note.
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