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I found the recent article from The Atlantic very interesting: Many interesting concepts related to anger in the protest movement and political sphere. I am also reminded of how anger plays out in the marginalized faith crisis individual, StayLDSer, and post Mormon.
Quote:THOUGH IT IS ugly to admit, you may have felt similarly to Larry Cagle at some point in your life. You may have lost faith in Congress, your house of worship, your employer. Perhaps you feel so angry at times that screaming isn’t sufficient; you want to make someone else scream. Like Cagle, you may be nearing a point where you are past constructive solutions. You, too, may want to burn it all down.
This is a scary place to be—for us as individuals, and for the nation as a whole. The ways in which anger is constantly stoked from every side is new, and the partisan divide that such anger fosters may have pushed us further down a path toward widespread violence than we realize. One recent working paper found that the more partisan people become, the more likely they are to rationalize violence against those they don’t agree with, to experience schadenfreude or moral disinterest when they see an opponent get attacked, and even to endorse physical assaults on other groups.
The discussion on the the introduction page about a disenfranchised member turning each conversation to a discussion of church complaints (and even following another person to make the point) hit a little too close to home for me.
The recent incidents of Sam Young and Bill Reel give me reason to pause. I am convinced that Sam Young brought about some actual change on the Bishop’s interviews with minors front. I am likewise convinced that Bill Reel was helping struggling people with his podcast. They went further than that and I would argue that they may have been compelled by their anger and moral outrage past the point where it was productive.
Quote:But moral outrage must be closely managed, or it can do more harm than good. Ganz, who eventually became a lecturer at Harvard’s Kennedy School, has spent years teaching people how to use their anger to effect change. Stoking the emotion is easy. Learning how to channel it to useful ends, he told me, is harder. For anger to be productive, at some point, it must stop. Victory often demands compromise. “You have to know how to arouse passions to fuel the fight, and then how to cool everyone down so they’ll accept the deal on the table,” Ganz said.
It can be important for me to remember that the LDS church is not my enemy, The people in fast and testimony meeting that seem to take such comfort in saying things that do not quite ring true to me are not my enemy, even my in-laws that think that playing with face cards or drinking caffeinated soda are the appearance of evil and that send my family photo-copies of conference talks – even they are not my enemy. For my anger to be productive, at some point, it must stop.
Great post, Roy. Thanks for sharing. :thumbup: Roy wrote:
It can be important for me to remember that the LDS church is not my enemy,The people in fast and testimony meeting that seem to take such comfort in saying things that do not quite ring true to me are not my enemy, even my in-laws that think that playing with face cards or drinking caffeinated soda are the appearance of evil and that send my family photo-copies of conference talks – even they are not my enemy. For my anger to be productive, at some point, it must stop.
For me, the church leaders and orthodox members are people who need to be managed carefully. They have power to wreak havoc in my life, so I have to be very careful how I manage them.
Anger, Rage & Revenge are topics that we, as a church, do not talk about very much. These (3) emotions are central to why I became inactive. It took time before I could
even attempt to deal with the circumstances & issues. I’m not going to repeat my story again.
There are certain issues the Church has difficulty dealing with:
– spousal abuse.
– child sexual abuse.
– substance abuse. (to name a few)
Anger, Rage & Revenge seeking consumed me like a cancer.
It got to the point where I talked to my brother, who was on the police force, and told him if a
particular person showed up dead under suspicious circumstances, you can come to my house &
arrest me because I did it. And I meant it. I didn’t go through with it but I could of easily justified it.
When I talked to my Bishop about what I was feeling, I could see in his eyes he couldn’t relate to what I
was telling him. I wanted answers or comfort from God & nothing came. So I stopped going to Church.
It was just too painful to realize that the answers were not going to come anytime soon.
It took a lot of time to work through it. God said that he would answer our prayers & give us comfort.
He didn’t say when it would come.
I think anger can be good, as can resentment and rage — but only for a while, and not expressed in violent ways. Anger and a bit of resentment can be good because it can lead to focused problem solving and strong resolve. And these things tend to mitigate anger and turn into a kind of pride in what you have learned. I am writing a guide from my daughter (at her request) of all that I know about life circumstances she is likely to face.
I just finished a chapter that addressed assertiveness. Part of it was the story of how I grew a backbone toward others who will take advantage of you. I recounted a story about the anger and resentment i felt toward tradespeople and handy men driving me nuts on home repairs (unfinished work, caboosing large fees at the end of the job, shoddy workmanship, ending the job with ‘all you gotta do is’, outrageous time and materials contracts, and other abuses).
And how these experiences helped me develop resolve that has substantially increased my assertiveness and reduced the volume of abuses. I still get caught from time to time, but it’s normally a result of my own carelessness in not being detailed enough, or not abiding by procurement practices I have developed over the years — all spawned by the controlled anger I felt when I was a lot younger.
So, I think it’s fine to get angry. And to feel resentment for a while– provided it doesn’t deteriorate into revenge and anti-social behavior, and as long as it motivates you to action. I still can’t get rid of deep hurt and grudges on church matters it seems. I don’t have them anywhere else in my life it seems. Just in the church, and why that is, is a mystery to me. I think it’s partly the position of trust the church held at one point in my life. Also, the way I used to live the values as best I could, only to see mediocrity around me — often at my expense.
I have since learned that the church is not a place where excellence abounds, and not to expect it. Strange how grandiose claims to truth and divine leadership don’t translate into excellence… But I digress from the anger theme…
I believe that Anger, Rage, and Revenge seeking all stem from a lack of understanding. I don’t believe any of them are “good”, but they are understandable. When they arise, they should be acknowledged, accepted, managed, and then abandoned. In response to what SD said, I think there’s a difference between learning from past mistakes, and holding onto anger. It’s good to be assertive when it comes to contractors. But it’s not worth it to be angry, for any longer than you have to. I don’t think any mistakes we make are because we are “bad people”. It’s often because we are hungry, tired, stressed, lonely or scared. Sometimes, it’s because our past experiences have worn us down. Sometimes we have the wrong world view. Sometimes, we are faced with a difficult situation with no clear answer, and have to make do the best we know how. Sometimes we “just weren’t thinking”.
Whenever I am upset at the Church, it usually stems down to conflicting world views. The Church, it’s leaders, and most of the active membership believe eternal salvation is on the line. That’s a lot of weight to put on someone, and in their stress to save everyone they can, they can do some pretty stupid things. Bishop’s and Church leaders especially feel this weight and obligation. Though I don’t believe or agree with most of it, I think Joseph Smith fully believed most everything he said. I believe Oaks honestly believes in his views on the LGBT community… and also believes it’s of the utmost importance we believe in them too.
Ideally, I try to always assume the most charitable (or least alarming) reason why people act the way they do. I try to cut them the same slack I hope they’d give me. That doesn’t mean I’ll trust them. It doesn’t mean I’ll go out of my way to spend time with them. Heck, I’ll usually end up angry at them all the same; but I try to let it pass, and take a better perspective.
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