Opened up about my doubts and their sources in SM

I guess I should make my first post an introduction but I decided to move from lurker to member to share my recent experience giving a talk in SM. I recently went in to get my temple recommend renewed and they asked me to give a talk. I’m generally comfortable now with just saying no to stuff but I kinda wanted to do it.

So I wrote a talk that was as faithful as I could give (not really the type to accept the assignment and then just trash the church) but I definitely had some things I wanted to express.

I borrowed a bunch from Richard Bushman and Patrick Mason. Described Bushman’s two general groups that leave the church: 1) people who are troubled by the stickier doctrinal or historical issues and 2) people who feel they don’t fit into the culture of the church. I personally ID with both groups.

Main points that I shared:

-People who have doubts and/or leave have legitimate issues and they’re doing their best to live with integrity as they’ve been taught at church. These issues often include the role of women in our church, our history on race, the church hurting LGBT individuals and the origins of the Book of Mormon. (I personally thought it was important to name specific things or the talk wouldn’t be meaningful)

-People who doubt or leave aren’t lazy, sinful or easily offended and we should stop saying that, including in general conference.

-We say “I know” a lot in testimony meetings about stuff that I definitely don’t know (and I implied that it’s impossible to really know).

-You can’t explain away peoples issues, there aren’t easy answers to all these things and that can be difficult to handle when we give people more room to work through their doubts but we have to let them do it.

That’s basically it. I wrote an initial draft that I read to my wife and she had helpful points on where I should pull back (Book of Abraham, more criticism of church leaders- I also wanted to drill on the fact that we treat GAs like demigods) and try to give credit or folks would just turn off.

I read the crowd as I went and it definitely seemed like some folks weren’t comfortable but also that many were really listening.

Afterward, I asked the Bishop if it was okay and he said “That was a good topic for us.” Many folks that I had in mind while writing it reached out to thank me, which I hope means I did some good. Part of it was cathartic to just get some stuff of my chest but I hope anyone there who has felt similarly and is choosing to stick around thought “that person is safe if I need to talk” and maybe I made one meeting a little easier for them if I was sharing ideas they’ve had as well.

And I share it here to encourage others to do the same if they think it’d be good for them. It felt good to be more open and honest about these things.