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A few Sundays ago, I was chatting with someone who I’ve known since the 90s, when he was my home teacher. He asked me how I was, and I asked him, “Can you keep a confidence?” He replies, “You should be speaking to the bishop,” before I even tell him anything.
My heart sank at this point. I told him the bishop already knew about this particular issue. I am on the ward council. I have my issues, but nothing to take away my temple recommend.
I did tell him a little bit, it is a long term health issue I have recently been diagnosed with, but it seemed to be over his head.
I think I will back off this guy a bit in future. It did disturb me how quickly he jumped to conclusions.
FWIW, I have found that there are people who can deal with human relationships on a deep meaningful level & others who prefer the superficial. This is especially true within our church. The very closest friends I have are not in our church. Within the church I have 2 or 3
at the most that I consider close. This been my reality anyway.
I’m assuming this person was not your current ministering brother or part of the EQP. In the cultural shift currently taking place there is much less we should be talking to the bishop about because that’s not his job. I know this is going to be a big change for many old timers, but it’s right and always has been. I have long encouraged people not to overburden the bishop. There is a quote from Brigham Young, and whatever you think of him otherwise, he was right here – that you should limit what you tell the bishop. I have chatted with the bishop about this particular issue, but I can’t go to him every week about it, since he is a working man and a father on top of his calling. He does make time for people but I do not wish to abuse that and I point people to counselors, RS & EQ president, ministers etc to deal with some things. Anyway, yes, I have known this man for over twenty years. A decent chunk of my life. And his. He was my home teacher back in the day. I did go inactive for years but so did all this guy’s three or four children (none of whom ever came back). His wife is loyal to him and vice versa, through all their recent health troubles, so I thought I would get a better hearing. Many of us tried to help them through their troubles – cancer scares, pneumonia and the like. I have started to wonder if he has pushed everyone away from him but his wife. I did think of him as a more sympathetic character than this but yes, I should have remembered, he was the one who told me off for wearing a colored shirt all those years ago.
So, I suppose sometimes we find we don’t know people as well as we think. Even when we encounter them for years.
Minyan Man wrote:
FWIW, I have found that there are people who can deal with human relationships on a deep meaningful level & others who prefer thesuperficial. This is especially true within our church. The very closest friends I have are not in our church. Within the church I have 2 or 3
at the most that I consider close. This been my reality anyway.
Someone once told me that Americans are good at being friendly, but not so good at being friends. I think we have the opposite problem in my neck of the woods – it takes ages to get to be friends with someone, and that is an uphill struggle, but then if you do, they usually stick by you more. (With some exceptions – like divorce, a surefire way to lose friends round here. Witnessed it many times sadly.) I’m like that with people as well, more than the American model. But this guy isn’t American, and our interaction goes back before the Millennium, so I would have thought I had at least some traction with him. When you know someone for that long here, you tend to know the lay of the land.
I have some very dear American LDS friends, who I like very much and have kept in contact with for years after leaving my country, but yes, I’m afraid I tend to expect it with Americans more, so I’m prepared for it with them. I put this down partly to the USA being a more nomadic society than mine.
SamBee wrote:
A few Sundays ago, I was chatting with someone who I’ve known since the 90s, when he was my home teacher. He asked me how I was, and I asked him, “Can you keep a confidence?”He replies, “You should be speaking to the bishop,” before I even tell him anything.
My heart sank at this point. I told him the bishop already knew about this particular issue.
I think we all crave connection with others. You were about to open up to this individual and he shut it down – either not caring to hear about it or at worse assuming that it was something sordid that needed confession. That is going to hurt every time.😥 Thank you, Roy. That is exactly it. I know he has had his own troubles, as has his wife… They were both at death’s door in the last few years, and that must have been terrible for them, and I don’t want to belittle that… Yes, “something sordid” is what I fear he was thinking of. I’ll put it down to an automated response, and I will try not to take it personally, but I shan’t make that mistake again with him. As I note above, none of his children are in the church anymore, nor his grandchildren. I can’t help thinking this kind of attitude has something to do with it.
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