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I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’m a 26 year old YSA who hardly goes to church. I don’t go because of my anxiety and fear of not being liked, or not making friends. I also don’t go because it is basically my home stake I grew up in. Ergo lots of other YSA’s in this ward are one’s I knew growing up. My experience growing up in the church was rather unpleasant. I want a reset on life. However, I just feel incompatible with society now. I don’t fit in with the non-member crowd as easily with drinking being a social thing and other things. BUT…I don’t really fit in with the local Mormon population either. It sucks, like a lot. This has caused me over the last 5-6 years to isolate myself. I don’t date, I don’t do anything with friends. I still have yet to find a girlfriend. I can accept part, or most of the blame there. Not socializing will do that to someone.
I even thought moving away from home for 3 years to go to University would do the trick but it never happened. I never took any chances. I decided to focus on school and not socialize at all. I attended the institute program there and met some great teachers. But I never went to church. Partially due to just not wanting to go, as well as nervous about not finding any friends. I never attended any social functions my institute was holding either. Same goes for my University. I just stupidly stayed in my apartment. Alone, studying, playing video games.
As for my faith? I really just don’t know what to believe anymore. I have no personal anger towards the church. But I just don’t seem to be a big fan of any organized religion at all. I want to believe there is a God that cares. But man oh man – sometimes I just rethink that so many times. Maybe too many times perhaps. I struggle with pornography and masturbation. There, I said it! I have even tried whisky just see to what it tastes like. And I didn’t like it. Maybe that’s a good thing? (lol)
I haven’t experienced the Temple beyond Baptisms for the dead either. I never went on a mission for medical reasons. So I did not bother getting endowed. Part of it was that I just did not consider myself worthy. I am also uncomfortable with Temple ceremonies. The way they are described just seem rather odd. But I guess every religion has it’s weirdness to it. Mormonism doesn’t have that market cornered. I also held off getting endowed because I felt I was signing my soul away. I know, these reasons sound juvenile. But they are my reasons. And lastly I know for a fact I don’t have a testimony yet.
I found this site because it seemed like a rather decent resource for people like me. I have contributed on other parts of this forum as well. But I have decided to come out about my feelings about the church and God. I keep telling myself it will get better when I move away and have a total reset. But I sort of tried that when I went away to University, but that didn’t work.
I am glad that you found us, thank you for posting. It sounds like there is a lot going on right now in your neck of the woods between looking for where you belong, working through social anxiety, and asking some hard questions about your personal faith. My hat (if I was wearing one) goes off to you for that and for the courage to go at your own pace.
If I were you, I would look in my city to see if there was a meetup/store/book club/exercise that I could take up a hobby in. I would start by specifically finding something I wanted to participate in face-to-face and make friends there. That takes the church right out of the equation to start with.
On the church front, if you really want to be a part of the church, I would start going just for sacrament – maybe get there 10-15 minutes early to challenge yourself to talk to others there. If you want to branch out to a different stake, you probably could (it being AZ).
This site hopefully will help you to gain a helpful perspective for being able to live a happier, more fulfilling life while you tentatively answer the profound questions regarding God and the universe.
Glad you found this site. It can help quite a bit. I only have a few minutes to write as I have a meeting coming up in a moment.
A faith crisis can be emotionally gut-wrenching. Figure out how to calm yourself and trust yourself. Slow down and don’t make any rash decision. It will get better.
Also be careful who you tell what early on. Some things you can’t take back and some people will over-react.
Feel free to bring up situations and ask for ideas of how you might approach them. You will have quite a few before long I suspect.
You will be OK.
I don’t have much time to respond but wanted to give my thoughts. 1) God designed you to be interested in women and nudity – pornography and masturbation are natural extensions of this. Most men in the world have experienced this. You are not alone. The good news is that these God given desires have a purpose for you to seek out a relationship, possibly get married, and raise a family. The biological imperative is for you to pass on your genetics.
2) Porn and masturbation does have some real dangers. One of those dangers is isolation and it sounds like you are prone to isolation. You mentioned video games. They likewise can help to isolate individuals… dulling for a time the need to socialize with other individuals.
3) I suggest changing the scenery. That might be as simple as attending a neighboring YSA ward or might be as drastic as moving to another state. But that will not help if you cannot stand to be in social situations. Rejection sucks – but I think not taking the chance at being rejected would be worse. Perpetual isolation and loneliness. Perhaps going to a counselor about these issues might help.
4) I would also try to get out of the house in any way possible. There must be groups that you can feel more comfortable with. Comic book groups, video game groups, role playing games, volunteer organizations, support groups. I feel that life is better with connections to others. Do you have a dog? Maybe you could get one. The dog can provide companionship and may also provide a reason to join a dog walking group.
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