Community?

I’ve said this here before. If you want to know who is really your friend at church (or depending on your point of view who isn’t) stop coming to church. You’ll know soon. Try not to be upset with the result, it’s likely not what you think.

1. I hear ya. A tender mercy of COVID has been much less aggravation/annoyance as I haven’t had to listen to the bloviators. Even on the limited return to live church (no video option) there has only been fairly mild “spiritual thoughts” in SM. Until yesterday, which was supposed to be like the rest but was actually a full blown talk (based on a GC talk, of course) followed by the bishopric member conducting adding his two cents worth. I guess he couldn’t resist, he had announced the closing hymn and prayer before she got up – the talk apparently moved him and fired him up. I was not moved but I was a little fired up – to leave.

2. Probably not.

3. Probably a wise choice.

4. See above. But I will point out that ministering is not a program like VT was, and in the broad sense there is no requirement that your minister contact you monthly (although if they’re supposed to know what you need they probably should). Local requirements might vary, but I actually did hear an AA Seventy tell some leaders not to make extra requirements or programmize ministering (and Come Follow Me, too).

BUT

1. Yeah, if you like RS and you want to have that opportunity to teach you probably need to bite the bullet. As I recall, stuff you posted here was worthwhile so it’d be good to have your voice in your little corner of the universe. All of our voices count, but we have to make them count.

2. Yeah, I think that’s true of lots of people here. Lots of people will say they’re only in it because it’s their tribe and they don’t have another viable tribe.

(Note – mostly to Amy – I moved this to General Discussion because I thought it fit better here.)

1) My family has gone back to SM a few times now. I work on Sunday and have not been able to go with them. I appreciate not having to be confronted with thoughts and ideas that contradict my own thoughts and worldview.

2) I do make a point to take my children to church programs and activities that I believe they will benefit from. This mostly pertains to peer interaction, social development, and getting out of the house.

3) I agree that sometimes we divide household responsibilities by who cares enough to get the job done. The good news is that the social costs of not going to church right now – or not streaming church services right now are very low. You can lay low for an indefinite period without being judged for it.

4) I do not think of anybody in our ward as a friend and I am not sure that we have much in common outside of the church. I suppose I do not expect much in the way of friendship from the church. That does not mean that they do not form a helpful community.

I consider the Halloween baskets as a wonderful emotional wellbeing boon to your family in letting you know that you are wanted and included members of the community.

I am not sure that I am ready to give up my community membership – and I haven’t reached out as much as I could have either.

I recommend reaching out in ways that fit your personality and circumstances. For example, My family is planning a trip to a corn maze with some other (non-member) families. We have made a point to invite several member families with children close to my children’s ages. I consider this to be a win-win. If they come, I win. If they don’t come then at least I get brownie points for reaching out to people in my community and it cost me very little. I have also been the recipient of a USDA program through my employer that has been giving us more produce than we can use. We have been asking other ward families if they can use any. This is a similar win-win scenario in my mind.

My husband and daughter would be happy if they never saw anyone in person again though.

My son is similar and he is also on the Autism spectrum. He is ok not to interact with others but then I fear that his social skills might atrophy and make future social interactions even more difficult. Our significant remedy for this is to have outings and social interaction but I am nearby to intercede or redirect should the need arise. Not a perfect plan but we are working through it.

UPDATES:

Our car was not safe to drive on 2 days in a row that I needed a slew of medications from the pharmacy for various family members. And of course I live outside the area of delivery. 2 sisters helped me out by giving me a ride to the pharmacy – easily donating 45 minutes to 1 hour of their time to help me. This helped me to feel reconnected, which is good.

My R.S. President reached out to me (and the other teacher) about teaching R.S. virtually. Since I am pretty sure that the other sister doesn’t feel comfortable teaching online (I think she has email, but I also know she doesn’t return phone calls), it’s probably the presidency and myself. I have already gotten the ball rolling by presenting them a list of the talks (in order of preference) that I can teach on.

I had a positive conversation with the Primary President re supporting/allowing my 10.75 year old daughter to stay in Primary (and Achievement Days) another year instead of “graduating” in January. She actively supported our decision and is willing to advocate with the Branch President re the situation. NOTE: Because we came to this accord, it’s a matter of the Branch President rubber-stamping it at most, and letting the Y.W. know that my daughter won’t be joining them on schedule. Our family is not ready for the expectation of dealing with weekly activities, the social aspects/dynamics of that group, or the spiritual expectations. The girls in the age group 2-3 years older than my daughter are nice girls (I taught them for a few years in Achievement Days) – my daughter’s socially unacceptable behaviors, immaturity, and lesser motor skills just make an awkward situation. My daughter does better with the current cohort of peers that are several years younger than she is.